do you ever feel like less of a woman? — The Bump
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do you ever feel like less of a woman?

hello,

i am 31 and in a good place in my life. i have a good job, a fantastic boyfriend, and i feel that my personal life is in order.

i just don't have a baby. i want kids and am currently not doing all i can to conceive but also not trying not to conceive. i don't feel like i'm in a rush and believe it'll happen when it's supposed to, regardless of the method. i did have a miscarriage in a previous relationship, so i often question my fertility but have a lot of hope.

with that said, i do go through periods of feeling like i desperately need to be a mother. i feel that something is missing and even feel like i'm not as much of a woman as those who are mothers. has anyone else felt like that and what do you do to cope and get through?

thank you in advance ☺️

Answers

  • I was 33 when my first child was born, and had a miscarriage at 35. I was ready to have a baby at 28 when we got married. I never felt like less of a woman, but I was discontent while waiting, first for my husband to be ready, then for my body to cooperate. Now we are TTC after the miscarriage, and sometimes I feel empty.
    Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Parent of Baby Boy M, born December 2013 Angels: Miscarriage @ 9 weeks, May 2015, Chemical Pregnancy November 2015



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  • No, but I joke sometimes that I suffer from high self esteem. I'm grateful for all that I have, all that I've worked for, and that I waited for what to me, is the perfect relationship. If I am fortunate enough to become a mother with H, great! If not, I would hardly think less of myself or less than a woman. I literally can't even imagine that sentiment. Plenty of women never have children, either by choice or by biology, or circumstance - but I can hardly imagine measuring self worth in such terms.
  • If you want a baby, don't wait because it gets harder to conceive after 30. I had my first child when I was 30 and it took us six months to conceive. Doctors usually give you a year before they test you, and with our bio clock ticking, there isnt't much time to ponder.I sometimes regret having waited so long. There were good reasons for it, my husband wasn't ready, we were waiting to be financially stable, we got married late, etc. But I still wish I hadn't waited so long. And like you I had a Feeling of missing something and a longing for motherhood. Being a mother has been the most amazing and rewarding experience of my life, and I can't imagine my life without my daughter. There is no more of this void in my life, it feels full and happy. And my husband feels the same way, even though he wasn't sure he wanted kids.
  • barrelocarolbarrelocarol
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited February 2016
    I think feeling like less of a woman haunts us; regardless of what we look like, where we are, kids or not, etc...

    I struggle with this and feel like this often, and I have an amazing, supportive husband and this awesome baby. 

    Before I got pregnant and again during my pregnancy, we went to counseling, just to clear out the mental cobwebs. It was amazing and I can't recommend it enough. 

    I dont want to pass along my insecurities to my son, but of course, this is all a part of life. 
  • lmctanlmctan
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    I felt like that so much. Like I was missing a vital part of me and of womanhood which is silly because I don't consider women without children any less women but for myself I felt that way. Now I'm pregnant and I'm afraid I won't be enough, good enough to fulfill all expectations. 
  • I was married and my ex and I tried for 2 years to get pregnant. I finally did at 26, but had a miscarriage at about 7 weeks. I'm now with my fiancée and 30. I had it in my head it'll be very difficult to conceive because of my previous experience. But it happened. I always felt like I would miss out on being a mom. It just wasn't in my cards. I used to ask my fiancée if he would be ok if we couldn't have kids, or what he thought about adoption, just in case. He was always very supportive, but never worried like I was. After I got pregnant I didn't let myself get excited until the 2nd trimester. I was so sure something was going to go wrong. I won't lie, this has been a difficult pregnancy, I have a large uterine fibroid and was just diagnosed with preeclampsia at 22 weeks. But, I feel good about all this now. I will get to be a mom, and my little girl is doing great! I guess my point is, just don't give up and try not to worry. And above everything don't feel like half of a woman. You are all woman, but your motherhood journey is taking a longer path, that's all! Good luck to you! 
  • lmctanlmctan
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    Tbh I felt like this before I got pregnant too. It was silly, logically I knew I was just as much woman as any mother but I felt a missing piece of my life. Now I'm so worried about whether I'll be a good mom I can't believe I was in such a rush. But I just think that feeling is part of the baby fever that hits us at a certain time. Totally normal but the best thing to do is make a decision on when you will feel ready once I had that decision made I felt a wave of relief. I felt like the pressure was off so to speak. 
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