Husband not helping...

camerainmyhand

We found out over the weekend our baby didn't have a heartbeat. I am so heartbroken.

My husband is even more so. Has anyone experienced this? His grief and so loud and out there and I can't handle it. I would finally start feeling a bit more normal, and he would start again.

I don't want to deny his grief, or what he's feeling, but I feel like I'm losing my damn mind. I'm barely keeping it together...I can't handle my grief and his too.

I'm not asking him to hold my grief either. I just want to deal with it on my own, and not have to consider his feelings. Is that horrible of me? I feel like a terrible person for saying that.

I just don't have enough strength to heal myself and him right now, and I think on some level he expects me to.

PeggyOlsonFTW

Does he have anyone besides you he can talk to? I feel like my husband is the opposite. He's thrown himself into work (as he usually does) and hasn't shown too much emotion over it.

camerainmyhand

He doesn't really have anyone else. His best friend has no kids and is single. He's not very close with his mom or sister. That's why I feel so bad for pushing him away, but I can't handle it right now. He went back to work today, and I feel so much better than when he was home. It's so terrible, but it's true. Maybe I can find someone else for him to talk to right now...

AL_TwinCities

Maybe a support group or grief counselor? I'm sorry for your loss.

gardensparrow

Well, first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. Going through a miscarriage is heartbreaking, and knowing how to help someone else when you're grieving isn't easy. But I'd second the idea of your husband (or both of you) getting in touch with a grief counselor or a support group. And I've heard of a few organizations that might be helpful in this area-GriefShare, Share (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc.) and Stepping Stones. But if you both were able to find something like this, perhaps then you wouldn't feel the burden of having to be the only one there for him. And it might be helpful for him to speak to other dads who know what he's going through. So, just some things to think about. In the meantime, I'm praying for you guys!

camerainmyhand

Thank you so much. Our nurse at the D&C today recommended a support group. I have a good network of mommy friends to reach out to that have gone through this, but I'm encouraging my husband to go. I think it'll help.

queen_frostine

I'm a little late to the game but I just wanted to say that I think that women prepare for and talk about this much more than men do. So as much as it's happening to our bodies, they may be more shocked. Plus, consider that he may feel worried about you as well (it seems you found this out and later had a d&c - he might calm down slightly when he sees you are safe through that). Outside support is really important because both of you are in this together and may not be able to support each other fully. I hope it helps!

gardensparrow

@camerainmyhand: I'm so glad to hear you were able to find some suggestions on a nearby support group. I really pray it will be helpful, and that your husband will be willing to go, as well.  Keep us posted on how you're doing, OK?