Is it my hormones?

monie2323

my boyfriend works at a restaurant and everyone there is super close. Mostly guys work there and his manager is a woman probably close to my moms age, not very cute and she has daughters close to our age. I feel like they have a weird relationship and it doesn't sit well with me. She texts him outside of work a lot and she has said love you before. Is that like a protective I act like your mom thing or should i be worried? Her and his work are planning one of my showers for me and she's always asking how I'm feeling when I see her and super nice. Is this weird behavior or is this just a mom figure he has that never really had in his life. I'm 23 weeks and super hormonal I don't want to make a fight out of nothing if it's not something to be worried about

fishsticks-n-custard

I think it's a mothering thing. I'm significantly older than some of the employees under my supervision at work and I can be mothering to them at times (technically I could be their mom if I had a child at 14; 33-->19). Seeing someone that much younger than me in anything other than a mothering way would be totally alien to me. I wouldn't be too worried.

monie2323

I figured and they don't have a lot of people working there and they all got close. She wouldn't be wanting to be so helpful with our pregnancy if something more was going on. I guess I just have to get used to it.

ccoleeman

I agree it's probably a mothering/ protective thing, but I think you're right to have radar up just in case. When DH and I had our long distance relationship, an older woman (he was 23, she was 40s), basically took him under her wing and was close with him (very tight knit workplace). I eventually told him that while I felt silly, it made me a little nervous. He made it clear it was a friendship but he made sure to reassure me from time to time, and he set boundaries with her about conversations outside of work, etc. It helped me feel better and he was able to maintain a friendship with her. He's always been great about being direct and upfront about boundaries

She ended up dating an older friend of his anyway, and there was nothing to worry about. She was very sweet to me too, and the more I got to know her the better I felt.


Eta- you aren't crazy or hormonal for having your radar up. Don't be afraid to tell your BF how you feel (I'm sure he'd feel the same if a male coworker was texting you outside of work, even if it was totally innocent)

monie2323

Thanks so much that makes me feel better. I just feel like he won't talk with her about boundaries because he doesn't think anything is wrong and that's just how he is. But I'm gonna talk to him about it tonight and see

ChrissyD1203

I wouldn't worry. I never had a dad growing up and my male boss (I'm 30 and he is 46) has taken on that role in my life. He calls me all the time, texts me randomly at night and on weekends about random things (never inappropriate) and knows everything about my personal life. There is absolutely nothing going on between us- my relationship with him is similar to my relationship with my mom, and I am so thankful to finally have a father figure. To help make things less weird, I know his wife very well and he knows my husband very well.

monie2323

Do you guys say you love eachother?

SummerFall03

I have to agree, the whole "love you" thing would sit weird with me. I do have female workers that are older then me and say it all of the time. It does make me uncomfortable when they say it. Has he said if it bothers him?

I guess the whole situation depends on your relationship. I think it's more mothering, and I can understand how tough it would be for him to say "that's odd, don't say that".

Have you talked to him about your concerns?

monie2323

Yeah that's definitely true. I have talked with him and apparently that's just how she is and she does it to all the guys at work, around our age and older.

SummerFall03

@monie2323, if it's something that is bothering you, and him, maybe he should talk to her and let her know how she is acting towards him is a little much. If it was the other way around, and a male was treating a woman like that, I'm sure it wouldn't be swept under the rug.

ChrissyD1203

@monie2323 we don't say I love you, but I do love him (but in a family way certainly not that way I love my husband, more the way I love my friends or aunts and uncles). I do think it is a little weird for her to say I love you to him, but I still don't think that necessarily means anything bad. I agree with PP, tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. If my husband said that to me (in a way that I wouldn't end up being super defensive - ie, a non-accusatory way), I would take that to heart.