Pregnant after a Loss

Pregnant after 19 week loss

Hi ladies - I need some encouragement from y'all! I am newly pregnant (3w4d) almost a year after losing identical twin girls at 19 weeks. Our loss was due to a recessive genetic condition my husband and I didn't know we carried until late in the pregnancy. We've had an awful year of IVF and PGD to avoid going through that again - and after a failed transfer with one of our female embies, I am now pregnant with one of the males! DH is so excited, but I'm having trouble feeling really happy - I don't know if it's that we're almost at the 1-year loss mark, or if I just can't get as excited about a boy as I was about our girls.

Is this normal? I need to hear all the wonderful things about boys from you :)

Re: Pregnant after 19 week loss

  • Sorry for your losses. I don't necessarily think it is a sex thing that makes you not as excited, I think it is the fear of getting too attached and losing him too. I have a DD and this baby is a boy. I am 16 weeks and don't feel as excited or attached as I did with DD and I think I would feel the same regardless of the sex of the baby. I am sure you will fall madly in love with your son when you first see him if not before. Nothing awesome I have to add about boys since I don't yet have a son. How about, you will never have to deal with him having periods? Lol (not looking forward to that awkward stage)
  • I'm with @rachrobertson, but if it is the sex, then just check out all of the cute little boys clothes that make them look like they're going to a job interview! I love the little onesies with tie graphics or I saw some shirts that had collars like dress shirts, but snapped between the legs like a regular onesie. So cute!
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  • Hi..I too am so very sorry for your loss. I agree with the other posters. I think that after losing a baby it's hard to get attached the next time around. It's like we lose your "pregnancy bliss" that we once had.

    We lost our first and only child, Ryan, last December at 25 weeks due to unknow reasons. I'm now currently almost 16 weeks pregnant and although I am so very excited, I feel like fear often takes over. I'm terrified that something will go wrong this time around also. I wish I could say with time things might change, but it's difficult. I don't think I could relax until we bring our baby home from the hospital.

    Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months!
  • I'm sorry for your losses. Ditto to what all the PPs said about loss making you lose that happy blissful feeling. It's really such a shame. I don't have any children but will say as someone who is married to a man who is one of three boys I have observed that boys ALWAYS love their mamas! There is an unconditional love and adoration there that I don't think ever goes away. And, no scary female teenage years to deal with (yikes!!!!!). Hope this helps and best of luck!!

  • I'm sorry for your losses. I agree with the others that it's likely more about being pregnant again after a loss (I feel like by being happy about this baby, I'm somehow slighting the ones who came before)...but I can tell you LOTS of wonderful things about boys! My son is the most sensitive and considerate person, and he is so in love with me. He tells me I look beautiful almost every day, and is always finding little things to compliment me on. He loves giving hugs, and will rub my back when I complain that it's sore. He's so helpful, always sweeping up the cat food our poor senile insulin-dependent cat spills everywhere, and picking up his toys without complaint. He loves turning everything into a sword, and the easiest way to make him happy is to offer to have a sword fight with him. Boys are wonderful, you'll be so in love. :)
    BabyFruit Ticker


  • I am feeling the same way right now terrified we just lost our baby at 31 weeks had to be induced due to fluid level because our baby had anencephaly, 3 months later were pregnant again! And we're very excited but very nervous!
  • I have 4 beautiful, healthy boys and we sadly experienced a loss at 11 weeks in April. No warning no explanation. .. heart beating one day, gone the next.
    We are now 9 weeks pregnant and I just miss the innocence of pregnancy. I've always been able to know once I saw the heartbeat that I would get a baby. Until our last time. Now I just can't get excited.
    Boys are the absolute best.... they are amazing! You will get there mama... it just will be on your terms..

    RONI
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