Pregnant after a Loss

Ultrasound Tomorrow

I've never made it this far in a pregnancy (10wks) and have a horrible feeling that it is over again. I have a peace of mind ultrasound tomorrow, but it is giving me such anxiety I can't even sleep. I just feel like things aren't okay. I had a friend who had a MMC and she said she felt so different her second pregnancy that resulted in a living child that she knew everything was fine. All I can think of is going in tomorrow and not finding a heartbeat again. Anyway I feel like this is turning into a dear diary moment so I wonder did any of you not feel pregnant until you passed your milestone? I have had almost zero symptoms so I don't have a lack of symptoms, just don't 'feel' pregnant.
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"

Re: Ultrasound Tomorrow

  • kimey1kimey1 member
    edited September 2015
    @bntfroggie my milestone of week 8 is coming up in 2weeks. Having told my parents and close pregnant friends from week 4 last time, this time it's still between DH and me. We're waiting for great u/s s several more times till we share.

    Try and listen to some soothing music or sth of your preference, or watch a funny movie to keep you distracted. Sending you a virtual hug <3
  • USA (ultrasound anxiety) - so real! I also had never made it to an ultrasound with my two previous losses so that first time there I was a mess. The second time, I was a mess! Third time - you guessed it, total wreck. There is certainly an innocence lost with MC. These exciting moments are instead ones we dread.

    The thing that I kept telling myself (and will be repeating endlessly a week from today) is that no matter what happens I will know what is happening. That brought me some comfort since any time I am not at an appointment all I want is an appointment to tell me everything is ok!

    Good luck!!! Keep us posted.
    Married 7/20/13
    #1 MC August 2014 @ 5 Weeks
    #2 MC November 2014 @ 5 Weeks
    #3 EDD 2.17.16


    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • I always made myself physically ill before ultrasounds until I could feel the baby move. For those of us who found out that we lost our babies via ultrasound, the PTSD is real! Just try to relax. I'd always pray for peace, but I only remember feeling it work once. If you don't have any bleeding, then focus on the positive. I'm sure it'll go great and baby will be well, but I also know how stressful it is. Good luck!
  • Hoping you get good news and some relief! I had my first u/s monday and all looked good, but of course i am already wondering if my baby is still ok. PGAL is rough! Good luck and keep us posted!!
  • rachrobertsonrachrobertson member
    edited September 2015
    I agree with @borgahurst . I had a healthy 9 week scan with my.loss and discovered a mmc at my next appointment. So, this time, I have been anxious for every appointment. I am now almost 16 weeks and still don't feel pregnant and when I talk about any planning, I still preface it with, 'if everything goes as planned'. A mc takes away that happy innocence of a pregnancy and replaces it with fear and anxiety. I will say, my mc was with my second pregnancy and I felt uneasy that whole pregnancy for no reason and when they couldn't find the HB it conformed my uneasiness. I have been nervous this pregnancy, but not the same as the pregnancy I lost. I try to tell myself my uneasiness is just from what has happened in the past, because at the same time, I am weirdly optimistic that everything will be fine this time.

    ETA I hope your scan goes well and gives you some peace of mind, even if it is short lived (mine usually comforted me for about a day before I went back to wondering if I was unaware of a problem with baby again). Keep us updated!!
  • I have 4 perfect boys... and then we had a MMC at 11 weeks this spring. The babys heart had literally stopped like the day before. We have a 4d ultrasound studio at my clinic and we had gone upstairs to see the baby. While walking up the stairs I told the tech. .. let's make sure the heart is beating before I let the boys come in. She looked at me like I was crazy and said... don't say stupid stuff like that. Well, within seconds of starting the ultrasound is was clear our baby had died. It was horrible. Indescribable. we had a D&c the next day.
    fast forward ..... until now.
    I have the absolute worst ultrasound anxiety ever... ever ever. Had never had it before. But I do now. And my doc is making me come weekly which fuels my anxiety!

    Just breathe.... we can do this
  • <3 you ladies are all amazing.  Thank you so much for all your thoughts, I will let you know my U/S is at 1PM EST, ugh why so late in the day.  I feel like MMC's are their own special kind of hell, because you can be perfectly fine on the outside, but not be okay on the inside.  I don't know if I panicked myself so much this morning that I had MS which I hardly get, or the kid heard me and wanted to let me know he or she was still alive and kicking so gave me the relief of MS.  I'm choosing to think it was my baby trying to calm me down, which it did.  I wish I wasn't trapped in my head at night.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
  • I had 3 u/s befor 12 weeks, and each I was absolutely convinced there wouldn't be a heartbeat. My anxiety didn't really get better till I could feel him moving everyday. Even now at 28 weeks if I feel like he has been too quite, or hasn't moved in a couple hours I will poke at him so he kicks or turns.
  • @ash413 that makes me feel much better.  I feel bad, because I feel like somehow the baby wont think I have any faith in him.  Or it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
  • @bntfroggie I'll be thinking of you today. I know the waiting and not knowing is the worse. My last pregnancy I took the day off of work because I knew I would be a mess until I had my scan. As much as it sucks, I think we all feel the same. I'll be taking some deep breath's for you!

    1: BFP 3/14/14; EDD 12/1/14; MMC with HB, D&C 5/8/14
    2: BFP 1/31/15; EDD 10/09/15; MMC with HB, Cytotec 3/16/15
    6/9/15 Diagnosed MTHFR Compound Heterozygous
    3. BFP 8/27/15; EDD 5/08/16

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • @bntfroggie Sending you good vibes!
  • Wonderful news!! 

    Any chance you want to trade places with me?  I'm 4 weeks today.  AF would be due tomorrow.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













  • So so so great @bntfroggie I am so happy for you!
  • Yay! So glad to hear the great news @bntfroggie

    1: BFP 3/14/14; EDD 12/1/14; MMC with HB, D&C 5/8/14
    2: BFP 1/31/15; EDD 10/09/15; MMC with HB, Cytotec 3/16/15
    6/9/15 Diagnosed MTHFR Compound Heterozygous
    3. BFP 8/27/15; EDD 5/08/16

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • Yesss!!! I have been anxiously waiting your update!! Congratulations!!
  • @CarrieandRoy no thank you ha ha.. I worked hard to make it to 10 wks. Ha ha well at least baby is working hard.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
  • I'd be walking on air if I just had a successful 10 week u/s.  Enjoy the feeling! 
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













  • Awww! I know exactly how you ladies feel sorry for all of your losses and congrats on your LO. I felt the same way when I found out at 6wks it was hard to be happy and excited at first and that's when I realized that I had to keep faith and stay positive most of my worries passed once I made it to 20wks out of the MC zone and then again after I passed 23wks(time when i lost twins) so now I'm 27 weeks and I'm so excited to meet my little boy and girl time seems to be going by like a breeze and they'll be here in my arms before I know it. Keep faith and good luck with a successful pregnancy, resulting in a healthy baby.
  • Amazing news!!!! How many losses have you had?
  • I have had one loss, but it was a heavy blow.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
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