Tough time.. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Tough time..

Hello all.. I'm new to any of these boards dealing with loss of pregnancy but am starting to feel like I need some support. I have an amazing 2 year old son who I could not love more. We got pregnant with him easily and had a great pregnancy- When he was 17 months old we tried for #2 and got pregnant right away again and lost the baby at 6 weeks- the next month I had gotten pregnant again and lost that baby at 9 weeks- we took a couple months off and decided after 4 months to try again.. First month, got pregnant again and lost that baby just 5 weeks ago at 8 weeks. To say it's been a tough 9 months is an understatement and I have been coping but what's been hardest for me is my brother and his new gf told the family they were expecting between my 2nd and 3rd loss.. Very unexpected since we barley knew this girl. Her being pregnant doesn't bother me- please so many friends are pregnant and having babies in the time of my losses and i am so happy for them all-The part I'm having a hard time with is dealing with our parents insensitive comments when they know the losses I've gone through "hey, you're not pregnant why don't you give them some of the baby stuff you have saved?" "Hey why don't you be nice and sit down with (the new gf) and help her pick out all the baby stuff for her registry?"

I know I'm coming off as an insensitive heartless person and it couldn't be further from the truth- I am happy for my brother and am excited to meet my nephew but I can really do without all these comments.. Is it just me? am I over reacting? How do I get so involved when I'm still dealing? How do I deal with it..?

Thank you for your help

Re: Tough time..

  • You are not over reacting and are not insensitive. They are insensitive and need to stop. They do not and will not understand, sop just repeat politely that while you are excited for your nephew, it's still very painful for you to do those things. I'm so sorry for your losses.
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

  • I feel like an awful person- they tell me I'm jealous and I'm over reacting and it's just been so hard bc on too of it all now I just feel like a heartless person and I'm not - having a baby was the biggest blessing from God and that time was so special- I would never take that away from anyone going through it.. But I don't know how to avoid this comments and maybe I'm taking them harder then they're meant .. But they hurt
  • You are not being insensitive at all. I think people just don't think. It's unfortunate and it sucks. I'd definitely say something. I got a text from my SIL yesterday. She's expecting their first Halloween. She texted saying "Hey, your  mom said you have a stroller you won't be using..." She doesn't know about my miscarriage, but my mom did. It really hurt. Yes, I have a stroller, and no we're not using it as DS is 4. But I'm definitely planning on getting pregnant again and it was just really hard to hear. And logically, I know it makes sense to loan it to her. Even if I get pregnant next cycle, I won't be needing it for awhile yet. But the insinuation that the stuff I've been holding onto won't be useful to me anymore really hurt.

    And I've only had the one loss. Sending hugs your way. 
    Married 2007 - DH & I: 39
    DS #1: Sept 2011
    TTC #2 January 2015:  BFP 8/1/2015, MC 8/27/2015 
    Surprise BFP 6/28/17... Chemical pregnancy confirmed:  7/2/2017
    TTC #2 again:  July 2017
  • I agree with PP 100%. You are not insensitive, they are. I have learned people don't know how to handle loss, so they just go the insensitive route most the time. Sorry for your losses. Hold your ground and protect your feelings, and know you are not in the wrong, they are.
  • Thank you all.. Hearing this all has helped.. Best wishes to you all.
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