Is there a way to keep how you gave birth private from certain people?

mkeip

Ftm due on Monday and I'm just curious if you ladies have any suggestions how to handle people that ask you right away how you gave birth (did u need epidural etc) I'm planning on trying for a natural unmedicated birth but am open to epidural. However I'm getting a lot of competitive, comparing, intrusive comments from certain members of my husband's side and I know this particular person is going to be chomping at the bit to see if I can go without an epidural or not. Basically if I'm a real woman I should be able to do it without any pain management is the general consensus. And while that's my first choice I'm open minded and don't view it that way. So is there a way I can just keep it private when they ask me? Not forever, but I know when they come to hospital it will be the first thing they ask and then will proceed to make it an endless talking point. So I'd just like a way to brush it off until later when I'll be less sensitive. And this person I can't ban from the hospital lol Regardless of the outcome of what my labor is like I don't want to feed into this person. And I'm very private in general. Tia!!!!

SashaDenn25

Dont tell them. The hospital cant tell them either so its on you to just say its a private event that you dont wish to talk to them about.

deviduke412

Who cares what said person thinks! I personally would just be honest with them about how it went and that is that. Not sure that there's a way that you'll ever fully be able to keep it a secret from this one person if other people know the details.

GirlOnTheBeach

I think the only way you could hide it would just be to not tell them. I'm not sure what else you could do. Personally, if I were in that situation and I got the epidural, I'd play it off as, "I decided to enjoy my labor and be more rested for when the baby came out, so I got the epi" and then play up how comfortable and pleasant your experience was instead of having to labor in pain. That makes it sound like you chose to do it instead of sounding like you couldn't do it. It gives them less ammunition to come at you with if you did it just because you wanted to, not had to. My disclaimer here is that every woman should have the birth experience she wants and not be judged and one way is not superior to any other. But I understand crazy and intrusive family...

mkeip

I don't plan on keeping it secret forever or something. I just know as soon as they come to the hospital it will probably be the 1st question I get asked and I just don't want to get into it right then. So I was just asking for a way to brush it off basically that wouldn't sound super rude. I know I shouldn't care but I'm emotional right now so I do care. And in general I'm just very private. Thanks to the person who gave me a way to spin it positively.

kettlekitten

I would be honest about what happens. When she says whatever she says, you can say something along the lines of 'that's fine for you to think that, but it doesn't matter to me because it was my birth and not yours, and I did it how I wanted to.'

prairiedreams

I am with @GirlOnTheBeach put a positive spin on it and remember "bullshit baffles brains" - if you turn it into a big deal they will feed on that so down play the whole thing "natural" or not. Regardless enjoy your birth and your new little one and dont let anyone take that away from you.

neludelu

By the time your baby gets here you aren't going to care what she thinks. Be honest and you won't have any issues.

KateDerek

I'm the type of person that wouldn't keep my mouth shut and make sure I stood up for my decision by saying "I got the epidural and it was F!CKING AMAZING!" and blah blah blah because I don't believe someone should be able to force their opinions on me and me not be able to do it right back. But depending on how the conversation goes you can either shut it down and say you don't want to talk about the details of the birth or just state you got the epidural and you are completely happy with the decision.

I had an unplanned medication free birth for my second child and wanted to do it again for my third. It went fast and I felt great afterwards and wanted that same experience. Plus, I did it once so I should be able to do it again...yeah well fast forward to this last birth and when I wasn't progressing as fast as I did with my second child, I was like nope! Got that epidural and it was the best decision ever. Didn't stall my labor at all and in a couple hours she was out and I had a wonderful experience! So there is no wrong way to birth. Not to mention, all births are different. I could handle no meds that second time but with a slower labor the third time, I wasn't able to. Nor should I have to. If people can't understand that, then that is just too bad for them.

Gooblin

There is no shame in getting an epidural! I've had all mine natural with with no epidural, the last two home births but mother of god I would have loved an epidural this last baby! Worst labor yet!! Coming from someone whose had 4 babies with no pain meds the only thing I think when someone tells me they had an awesome pain free birth is "lucky bitch!" So if it comes to that and you use pain killers brag about how great the birth was! ">

acgonzalez22

Your body. Your birth story. Your baby. You won't be thinking about her during labor or after, so don't give her attention now. I agree with a positive spin or just not adressing your experience with her. Some ppl are just like that. As a Mother, I have learned to take a lot with a grain of salt. GL!

Edited for spelling.

CarelessDiva89

Well I'm more of a smart ass & if this person really bothered me & asked me how I gave birth right away with intentions of just being an asshole I would say something like out of my vagina!.. thanks for asking. <:-P

Robin910

Maybe say something general like: I got the birth experience I wanted, thank you for your concern.

clyon14

I think that the best way to brush it aside is by saying "I chose the birth that was best for me and baby." and if they keep digging about the epidural just keep repeating that. This way You don't let go of any information that you want to keep private but it also shuts them down in an appropriate way.

Miz_Liz

CarelessDiva89 said:

Well I'm more of a smart ass & if this person really bothered me & asked me how I gave birth right away with intentions of just being an asshole I would say something like out of my vagina!.. thanks for asking. <:-P </div>

Haha, this is exactly what I was going to say!

buckleyk

I feel like I'd make sort of joke about how you don't remember, it was all a blur, happened so fast and oh isn't the baby so cute?

piscesmommy222

Or you could also say, "why do you ask?"

jgorley2015

When people ask me how my labor and delivery was, I just say "perfect."

It sums up exactly how I feel about it, and gives them an answer that no one has asked me to elaborate on... yet.

mkeip

thanks guys. i think i have some good ways to respond now. I know this person is going to straight up come in and the first thing out of their mouth is going to be "so did you get the epidural?" they wont even say it nicely like "how was your labor" i just know how they are. and it is all to compare me and have some details for gossip.  I was already told by my husbands grandmother at my shower that "well (SIL) did it naturally and i had 7 kids without an epidural so there's no reason why you can't" in front of everyone. and THEN proceeds to ask my how i want my labor to go. First of all, I don't like how his family is offering up information about another woman in our family's birth story (she just gave birth in December) without her being present and in front of a large crowd of people. especially because i have seen my SIL and she has never offered up any details about her labor and how it went, whatsoever. so she obviously doesn't want it shared. So how his family did that,  i just find to be so rude. and i should add that my SIL is also married into the family like i am, she is not my husbands sister. I think the mother should be allowed to share her birth story not her family/friends making what she chose and what she did every freaking persons business. So this is sort of what i am trying to avoid. and secondly i don't want to discuss my birth plan with a room full of women. that is just asking for a disaster. So i just told them at that time i want to do the best i can to do so things go naturally but am open minded and left it at that. and then all the horror stories and opinions started coming. im already getting texts asking about my progress since i am due today, which would be fine but im getting responses like "oh bummer" (this one i got 3 days before my due date...so how am i already failing??) and "well hopefully you have him soon so you don't have a big baby to deliver" ughhhh just shut up. Why are these older woman who have had kids suddenly so retarded about how they responded to younger pregnant woman?  It seems like men are more respectful of boundaries than the older woman i have come in contact with. Cant wait to have this baby, get the initial visit over with, and then just start ignoring people for a couple weeks while hubby is off work and spend some time with just the 3 of us. Thankfully all of this drama is just stewing in my head, i haven't confronted anyone about any rude comments or anything. so as far as anyone knows im just sitting over here happy and pregnant. lol thanks for letting me vent. 

So you guys think that if anyone in his family straight up asks if i had an epidural that I could just respond with "why do you ask?" or  can i sort of spin their question and just say "im very pleased with how my labor went, thank you for asking."  I hate to be a bitch, and normally i wouldn't give 2 (you know whats) about sharing my choices but when i know someone is just fishing i am too stubborn and just dont want to give in lol.