February 2016 Moms

"I thought you'd gained a bit of weight"

I got that when I started telling people at work...one special lady decided that saying that was more important than a congratulations first. I was so shocked that I just figured she must not have thought before she spoke but then I couldn't get it out of my head because of having eating disorders in the past it was really hurtful to hear and i wish i had of knocked her out...

Everyone else have been so happy and lovely and just that...bitch! Really got me down and really messed up the small semblance of self confidence I was really trying to hold onto :(

Re: "I thought you'd gained a bit of weight"

  • Congratulations.

    Unfortunately you're going to continue to hear rude comments about your stomach for the rest of pregnancy and maybe even after baby is born since most people's stomachs don't go flat over night.
    It's also actually incredibly annoying when people compare you to other pregnant people they know who are bigger than you.
    My bump with de wasn't super huge until the very end and she popped... Constantly had my grandma comparing my bump size to everyone else she knew.
    ( She also has no filter so she repeats everything and also says rude stuff all the time.)
    Katty422
  • wisco29 said:

    Congratulations.

    Unfortunately you're going to continue to hear rude comments about your stomach for the rest of pregnancy and maybe even after baby is born since most people's stomachs don't go flat over night.
    It's also actually incredibly annoying when people compare you to other pregnant people they know who are bigger than you.
    My bump with de wasn't super huge until the very end and she popped... Constantly had my grandma comparing my bump size to everyone else she knew.
    ( She also has no filter so she repeats everything and also says rude stuff all the time.)

    Ugh I love my best friend but her cousin and I are both pregnant and she keeps saying how her cousin is "carrying small" and I'll probably be the same (her cousin is a couple months ahead of me). She's never been pregnant before and I don't know how she's determining that someone is "carrying small"... But I don't necessarily want or need to "carry small". I don't know if she's meaning not gaining a lot of weight or not having a big bump- but I love the thought of having a bump. I'm starting to get a big enough one where people notice and I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm about to be 18 weeks, have gained 5lbs and am right on track - stop putting this pressure on me to "carry small". I just want a healthy baby.

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    Katty422nyona21
  • People do not have a filter. I'm like you--no bump yet but you can definitely tell I'm bigger in the tummy.

    Thank goodness my best friend at work keeps reminding me when I feel bad or someone says something, "Yes, you've gained some weight. You're supposed to! Yes, you look a little bigger--you don't look fat, you look pregnant!"

    It'd be nice if we all went from our "normal" size straight to having a cute bump, but it turns out it doesn't work like that. 16 weeks here, and I've got tummy, but not what I would call a bump.
    Katty422Erinkatrishkev07
  • I have found that when people say things like that it is way more a reflection of them than you. She had to say something backhanded to get to take away from your happy moment, probably because she has nothing going on in her own life. Immediately commenting on someone's weight is not a normal reaction.
    My boss did a "I KNEW IT" when I told him at 12 weeks even though I had hardly gained any weight and was never sick at work. There was no possible way for him to have known, and when I called him out he stammered something about how I had been 'acting differently.' Okay buddy.
    Some people just try to suck the joy out of things, either for attention or because their own lives are lacking, try not to let it get to you.
    Fullerj21
  • I'm sorry someone has made you feel bad about something so miraculous and beautiful. I agree with the PPs. I haven't told work yet, but I often catch one of my bosses looking at my stomach critically. I don't think she suspects I'm pregnant - I think she thinks I'm getting fat. I imagine her first response when I tell her will be about my weight gain, even though I've only put on a few pounds. She's very preoccupied with weight and dieting, and I just have to remind myself that her looks and comments are a reflection of her own insecurities, and ultimately have nothing to do with me. The people who make cruel or inconsiderate comments are the miserable ones, not us.

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    hlmdecktrishkev07cognity8DrillSergeantCat
  • So sorry OP, I know exactly how you feel, I myself have also battled eating disorders in the past. My mom would constantly hound me about weight and food, after I gave birth the next day, she only wanted me on broth soups so I could lose weight. I was breastfeeding! Anyways, some people are inconsiderate and rude! You can always say something snappy like, "well at least I have a reason, what about you?" Or "is that the first thing you can think to say??" Or you can just ignore her. Unfortunately once we become pregnant or parents, people think it's a free ticket to give their opinion or advice on anything. Rude! While you are pregnant it is not fair to judge because hormones and baby are the direct cause, not cheeseburgers and donuts. This is a precious time, try to focus on baby and the wonderful things your body is doing. Be good to yourself. Hugs mom!

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    Katty422Tegzy
  • I am tired of these comments. Unfortunately I think these comments are everywhere. I don't understand why people feel the need to say so much. I find the comments come mostly from men or women who never had a baby. I actually had a woman tell me it's going to be great watching you get fat! How nice is that ? She said it jokingly but honestly really what is that about... and then i see her three weeks later and she is smiling looking at me up and down. I think it crazy. But this is just the way it is. People are inconsiderate and crude!
    Fullerj21
  • I'm sorry! People can be so thoughtless. When I was 8 mos pregnant with DD I had a not so lovely coworker say she wanted to stand next to me for a group photo because I would make her look skinny.
    Katty422
  • People are just rude. Comments like these are just inappropriate. When I told my uncle I was pregnant his response was oh I wondered why your boobs were SO big. He's not been the only one to sat this etiher. Not ok to discuss my breast size. I'm naturally large chested for a smaller frame and it's something I'm self consuious about. I'd rather not have it brought up.
    Katty422trishkev07
  • 4N6s4N6s member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    That's so depressing :( im sorry she said that.
  • Yep get used to it, people will continue to say obnoxious things even after baby has arrived. If it's not something about the size of your belly than it will be something about how you're parenting or whether or not you should have another kid. Some people really don't think before opening their mouths, so I generally just ignore them and do my own thing. I know that's much harder to say than to actually do, but I figure that as long as I'm happy with me that's all that really matters.
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    Katty422cognity8
  • When I told my parents I was pregnant, my dads first response was about how he knew it because I "wasn't as small as when I left" (I moved 8 hours away a few months ago). It doesn't surprise me (I even told DH before they visited that I bet that's what his reply will be). He's part of the main reason I had an eating disorder throughout high school and still struggle with it periodically.

    Growing up he always used to point out my "flab" and tell me I was fat (used to make comments to my mom about her being fat as well). I'll never understand why people feel the need to say such crappy things. What's the point? What will it accomplish? Does it make them feel better??
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    Tegzy
  • I'm not anorexic but I definitely understand. I have lost 85lbs and gaining weight is like a nightmare to me. I am lucky to have a few great friends who are very supportive of me and baby. I haven't had my first ultrasound yet but I'm thinking once I see it and know the sex of the baby I will feel ok about putting on a few lbs (that can easily be shed with a combo of breastfeeding and cardio) to keep my baby healthy. Hope your feeling better
  • My FIL recently exclaimed about big my breasts have gotten. I was so taken aback I was speechless. For some reason, people believe that pregnant women's bodies are up for public discussion.
  • Tegzy said:

    I've battled anorexia and then bulimia pretty much most of my life then add onto that anxiety and depression it's just a recipe for disaster in these sorts of situations..I wish I could have a quick wit when something is said about me but I just freeze up and internalise which is never a good thing...its something I know i have to accept because I will get bigger..I know I've already gained weight and for the most part I'm ok with it...but the illnesses always sit in the back of your mind as you never cure yourself of them completely. I'm going to be seeing a therapist through my hospital soon which I'm hoping might help me deal with the thoughts I get and feelings I have.
    I guess it's such a new experience for me it's a lot to get my head around...the purpose is to get fat now...not thin...lol thanks everyone for your input and stories of what you are also experiencing it makes me feel nit so alone in this :)

    I think it's great you plan to see a therapist. It is amazing what people say to you when you're pregnant, not thinking twice how it would make you feel.
    I would argue though that your purpose is not to get "fat" now. Your purpose is to grow a healthy beautiful baby. It's a good natural miraculous thing. Yes, you'll put on weight, but maybe try to think of it using more positive terms?
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  • Oooh what a b****!!! My second pregnancy a girl told me that and I felt hurt by it. And then I miscarried. Pffff
  • I try and believe it's their own insecurities causing them to say nasty things...then i can feel sorry for them rather than just flat out hate them.

    I saw the therapist today and she was really lovely to talk to...I have never properly discussed any of my issues with a professional so I'm glad I seem to be at the point where I want to accept help :)
    DrillSergeantCathlmdeck
  • I don't know what it is with people losing their manners with pregnant women! It aggravates me to no end. I received some snide comments from my grandma and MIL with my first so I feel your pain. The comments have stuck with me. I have a history of EDs so I know how what you're going through with comments and having to gain weight. It's tough stuff... I'm so glad you're going to talk with someone about this! I hope it'll help. Take care.
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  • I had a former coworker tell me I should send him pics of my boobs, once they get even bigger. Gasp!!! If he had still been a coworker, I would have gone straight to HR. Since we don't work together anymore, i just put him on the jerk list and plan to avoid him for good.
  • If someone said something like that to me I would probably get pissed and say "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" People are jerks and when someone gets pregnant apparently that is some kind of sign that it is totally ok to get rid of all filters when they speak to them. We are still human beings with feelings and being pregnant is hard enough without having to deal with moronic and rude comments from a**holes.

    Whenever I feel down or look at myself and say "dude I'm fat" my sweet husband reminds me that I'm beautiful and perfectly pregnant. Don't like the jerks of the world get your down. 



    hlmdeck
  • My FIL asked me if I felt better now that I actually looked pregnant and continued to say that I was looking "kinda frumpy" and that I looked like I was looking control of my weight... Needless to say DH was very upset considering I was crying 2 hours before because I didn't fit into my favorite pair of shorts. It happens. We're pregnant. As my mom tells me, it's what we wanted now we just have to smile and dust it off.
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