Pregnant after a Loss

Intro and need support

powellgirlpowellgirl member
edited August 2015 in Pregnant after a Loss
I've never posted on this forum before as I am active on Dec15, but today I am in much need of support from women who understand. I had a chemical pregnancy in December, and got pregnant again in March. Lately this week I've been thinking about how if we hadn't lost our first one, I'd be having a baby sometime this week. I just saw a picture of sculpture of a woman leaning over an empty crib. It really set me off, considering my crib was just delivered today. There's a tiny part of me that is still worried that I'll lose this little guy, but I'm mostly struggling with being happy about this baby and yet mourning over the first one. My heart is still broken from losing my first one, and yet I'm so in love with little guy moving inside of me. Sorry if I'm rambling, just a lot of emotions all at once.

How have you dealt with being sad over the loss of your baby, yet happy with your current baby?

Re: Intro and need support

  • I have no advice, but I feel exactly the same way. I'm so sorry for your loss and so happy for your current pregnancy. I don't know if it ever gets any better (I should have had a baby at the beginning of August. This baby is due in February), but I do hope it hurts a little less over time. I'm thinking about you and your babies and I hope other people have better, wiser things to say.
  • I just allow myself to feel however I feel. If I feel like crying, then I cry. If I feel happy about my current pregnancy, then I try not to feel guilty. There's no way we can experience this without remembering our losses. We have a little memory cube for the baby that we lost and, while I keep it in our room now, it made me feel good to know that once we have our daughter we can put the cube in the nursery...it makes me feel like they can both enjoy it. After our loss we found out that our baby was a boy, so we'll always be missing a big brother in our family...and I still worry about this pregnancy, too! So everything that you're feeling is normal. :x
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  • Thanks ladies! It's so hard to not feel guilty about being happy. I guess it's a daily struggle, some days are just worse.
  • Sorry for your loss! Many of us came to this forum for the same reason you did. Sometimes it's hard to put into words the feeling of grief and loss but it helps to talk about it with others who have carried their own grief . I myself have lost my little one 2 months ago... Most horrible thing I have ever faced. We all fall in love with something we can't see or feel from the beginning, and become so attached to it as it was our living breathing child we held in our arms everyday, losing that part of you is devistating whether you carried for a day or 9 months. Your child is your child no matter how young. I hope your feeling better about your new little one, days get better and easier but everyone wonders and thinks about what could have been. Enjoy what has been given to you, but never forget , I believe in holding memories, it makes us great mothers to know what can be lost and amazing parents to see what can be gained. Sending love xo
  • lol you made me cry.... <3
  • Powellgirl, I've been thinking about this, the issue of being happy and sad at the same time. I had a few very early losses and I think just because of who I am I've been less in a grief mode and more of a frozen mode (i.e. denial about it all). But this pregnancy makes me cry at the drop of a hat. And I've been thinking that maybe try to accept the emotions as a gift? You will have plenty of time to be joyous about a new pregnancy and new baby. Don't worry about feeling the grief from your loss but let it take it's natural course.

    I find  Pregnancy hormones make me feel and remember lots of losses--ones from years ago that have nothing to do with children even. But maybe as we feel those emotions, and go through them, as painful and hard as it may be, it's sort of like working out. Those emotional muscles will get stronger and help us prepare for the challenges ahead. Parenthood will bring even greater joys and sorrows, so expanding our emotional range, really feeling all of these things, may be its own blessing in the long run. 

    Good luck to you and all the ladies on this board. 
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