Advice

lankabride

A good friend of mine just miscarried. She is older, and has a 2 year old conceived through IVF. They had one embryo left, had pretty low chances of implantation. She got a lot of negative pregnancy tests before she got a +ve and the doctor gave her a 50% chance of making it to second trimester. It's been a rough emotional roller coaster ride for her and my heart breaks for her. This was thier last shot and she will not try again.
We both have 2 year old boys and we see each other often. I care about her, and her family. I just found out I am pregnant, and I conceived right around the time she did so our due dates would have been within days of each other.

How do I tell her? Do I tell her? Do I wait?
What Can I say/do to show I care and feel for her?

I miscarried with my first pregnancy and j was devastated - should I mention that? I want to be as sensitive to her feelings as possible.

valleric

That's a tough one to answer. When you do tell her just let her know that you understand if she needs a little distance... Beyond that I don't know

ceclarlinetlo

It's wonderful you want to keep your friends feelings a priority - There was a very similar discussion a few weeks ago here:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/87443891#Comment_87443891

Several people chimed in with their opinion.

Hope this helps.

Romano123

I just miscarried a few days ago. If my best friend told me she was pregnant I would be so happy for her!

Maybe give her a little bit of time to get through the newness of her bad news, then tell her.

cyntodd

I agree with previous post. If you give her a couple of weeks it will still hurt but she will process it much better. I also think you should be prepared that she may need distance for a little while. She will undoubtedly be happy for you but sad for herself. Yes if you have experienced a miscarriage that would be good to share...common ground. I am around pregnant coworkers alot and I am happy for them but I do still get sad hearing about their healthy growing babies when my little guy didn't make it. Best wishes to you and hope you have a very healthy pregnancy.

kickassi78

Yeah that is a tough one, as the wound is still fresh. But either way, it's not like you can conceal this for long. I would give it a little more time, and let her do some healing before telling her the news. If you are doing any facebook announcements - definitely tell her beforehand, as it might sting a little more just reading about it. If she cares about your feelings as you care about hers, she will be very happy for you regardless of how she is feeling inside. 

  My sister gave birth to my nephew the day after I scheduled a D&C for my little one who didn't make it. I remember feeling such sadness. It was a weird combo of emotions, grieving the loss of my baby, only to turn around and be excited for my sister and this new, perfect life she created! I had two choices....I could be bitter and jealous, or I could smile and be happy for my sister. I chose happiness because I love her and she deserves every bit of it.

  So even though it will sting for her deep down, I know your friend will feel the same for you! So congrats, enjoy your moment, and I hope everything turns out perfect for you! xo