amniocentesis for paternity

Knottie1437539799

My boyfriend and I started dating immediately after my last breakup. A few weeks into my relationship I noticed my NuvaRing had fallen out. I took a pregnancy test... positive. But without knowing if the father is him or my ex, he won't tell his family until after a paternity test. The only way we can do that is by amniocentesis, but i don't have any history of birth defects in my family, neither does either potential father. But my boyfriend still wants to gwt the amnio despite the potential risks. Help! Is it really that unsafe? How can I convince him to wait until the baby's born and still prepare his family?

lulabellalula

If explaining to him that having an amnio is potentially harmful and could cause a miscarriage...and he still insists on it...that says a lot about what type of person he is. Sorry but seriously. He may not be able to prepare his family. How old are you guys?

If he is old enough to be having sex, he should be mature enough to man up to what may happen..which is having a baby. If the baby turned out not to be his? What's his ultimate plan? Is he going to leave you? Why is it so important to know right now what the paternity is if you're in a committed relationship, he'll know when the baby is here.

kynbar5

I will probably get a lot of slack for this but honestly I can understand both sides of this. Yes, that procedure can have a negative effect so that decision is ultimately going to have to be up to you. You're not married so you have to be ready to make sole decisions for you and baby anyways. I can see where he may not want to tell his family until he knows. Maybe they will be so excited and then to find out it's not his could be devastating to them. Then again, maybe he tells them (and explains the circumstances) and they accept baby either way. Some men aren't capable of handling being with someone who has a child/children with someone else. This is one of those 50/50 situations and honestly you have to be the one that decides what is best for you and your child. This is just my opinion and I truly hope it works out for you! Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck!

amberrmariee20

You could always guess, based on LMP and when you slept with one and then the other, but that'll only help to give you a better idea, the only true way is through a paternity test.

kynbar5

amberrmariee20 said:

You could always guess, based on LMP and when you slept with one and then the other, but that'll only help to give you a better idea, the only true way is through a paternity test.

I'm not trying to be rude but guessing is a terrible idea imo. What happens when she guesses wrong? That's an even worse situation at that point.

MrsBwIVF

I agree with @kynbar5, I'm sure he's terrified at this point. You two haven't been dating very long and right now, he's looking at 19 years with you- that's a scary thought. It's also very hard for a lot of men to connect with their baby in utero, even planned babies, as they don't feel the changes the women feel. It'd be even more difficult to connect if he doesn't know if it is even his.
I'm sure he's scared to approach his family as A, you haven't been together long, B, it's an unplanned pregnancy and C, he's not sure who's it is. That's a lot to have to explain to one's family. And I'm sure if they accept the news, they would be disappointed if it did turn out it is indeed your ex's.
I'm not saying you should do the amnio, as it does carry risks. But you have to take some time and see things from his side. Would you be willing to stay with him had his ex just told him she's pregnant, would give birth and give up parental rights to him? Thus making you the child's stand in mom? That's an enormous amount of pressure and responsibility for a child that isn't yours.
If you speak to your doctor and decide the risks aren't worth it with the amnio, be prepared that he may not accept his role until after birth and confirmation of paternity. If that happens to be the case, you two will have a very difficult 7-8 months with something literally growing in the middle of your relationship.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, it sucks. But, the road you are on now will be a difficult one, no matter who the father is. Good luck!

PugsandKisses

amberrmariee20 said:

You could always guess, based on LMP and when you slept with one and then the other, but that'll only help to give you a better idea, the only true way is through a paternity test.

If she was on Nuva Ring , she may not have a LMP. I stopped bleeding in between rings.

I would ask your Doctor for advice. They maybe able to do a early US, and can base conception dates from that.

amberrmariee20

PugsandKisses said:

amberrmariee20 said:

You could always guess, based on LMP and when you slept with one and then the other, but that'll only help to give you a better idea, the only true way is through a paternity test.

If she was on Nuva Ring , she may not have a LMP. I stopped bleeding in between rings.

I would ask your Doctor for advice. They maybe able to do a early US, and can base conception dates from that.

Oh damn, I had periods with mine, but got pregnant while on it !

flowerpower5838

Would a dating scan give you a better idea of which guy the dad might be?

I get your current boyfriend's hesitation to share the news with family members, but agree with PPs that it's ultimately up to you if the amino is a chance you think is worth taking.

FWIW, if I were in your shoes, I'd wait it out until your baby is born. If he is a good man, he will be there for you throughout the pregnancy either way. And if not, he isn't worth it anyway.

amberrmariee20

kynbar5 said:

amberrmariee20 said:

You could always guess, based on LMP and when you slept with one and then the other, but that'll only help to give you a better idea, the only true way is through a paternity test.

I'm not trying to be rude but guessing is a terrible idea imo. What happens when she guesses wrong? That's an even worse situation at that point.

I know what you mean, but what I meant was if there's a significant time frame in between then she can better estimate when she got pregnant and hold off the amino until after the baby !

kynbar5

amberrmariee20 said:

kynbar5 said:

amberrmariee20 said:

You could always guess, based on LMP and when you slept with one and then the other, but that'll only help to give you a better idea, the only true way is through a paternity test.

I'm not trying to be rude but guessing is a terrible idea imo. What happens when she guesses wrong? That's an even worse situation at that point.

I know what you mean, but what I meant was if there's a significant time frame in between then she can better estimate when she got pregnant and hold off the amino until after the baby !

I agree that if the time frame is significant enough then I could understand explaining this to her current bf. I do kind of wish that when these threads were started that the op could answer questions or give input. If she's asking for help then being involved in the conversation would make it easier to help.

arcanejinx

Depending where you live you can get a non invasive test which jut uses the mothers blood and the fathers. It's a newer type of test so it hasn't been approved in every country.

It's called the Non-invasive prenatal paternity (NIPP) test. You can do it after 8 weeks and is 99.9% accurate.

PrimRoseMama

I would just wait until the baby is born? I would not do an amnio for this. I would do the bloodwork if I had to. Honestly, he's gonna have to adjust.

MamaRoni

I would... A... get a dating scan and talk it over with your OB ... and really look at your time line
B... really have a heart to heart with BF about his role with you and the baby. Is he still only sticking around for the baby or for You? Because no matter who the daddy is... if he's committed to you... he will be a daddy here... even if part time
C.... what is the other dude saying ?

delujm0

Honestly, I can see where he's coming from...obviously you haven't been dating long, so if it's not his kid he probably wants to make a clean break as soon as possible to make it easier on himself. Many guys, especially young guys, wouldn't want to raise another man's kid with someone they basically just met. Consider that if your BF finds out the baby isn't his, he is likely planning to leave, otherwise he wouldn't want this test so much. Do you still want to be with him, knowing this? And have you told your ex that it could be his?

That said, I wouldn't get the amnio just for this purpose. Ask your doctor if there is any other way. If there was even a week between you sleeping with theae two guys, a dating scan could give you enough information to determine the likely father for now, and then you could confirm with a blood test after the birth. But the most accurate dating scans happen around 8 weeks so you'll want to discuss this with your doctor as soon as possible.