November 2015 Moms
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UO Thursday!!!

Since I finally know what day it is, I'd figure I'd kick things off.

My UO is that I'm tired of showering. I usually shower every day or every other day. But now I'm showering every 3ish days. I'm just so tired that I can't get my butt into the shower. Guess I'm practicing for when I can't shower regularly thanks to baby ;)
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Re: UO Thursday!!!

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    I love it when people call me 'momma' or ask how I'm feeling. I have absolutely no problem with it, although belly grabbers are on my crap list.
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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    This will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been thinking about since it's been a hot topic. I get not wanting anyone except SO in the delivery room with you (I'll only allow SO & my mother, who is an L&D nurse), but I don't really get the people who say they won't let anyone visit them in the hospital afterwards. At first I get it, because I pretty much hate my in-laws and really don't want them there, but when I thought about how I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would be incredibly pissed & hurt if my SO told me my mother couldn't visit us in the hospital a few hours after birth. 

    I'm with you on this one!! I don't get it either. But I also don't get the whole no visitors for 1 or 2 weeks after "for bonding". I'm sorry I think that's kinda ridiculous. Your gonna bond with your baby no matter if people are there or not. I couldn't imagine keeping people that are so excited to meet my child away. To me that's just kinda mean.

    My mom has already hinted that she will be bringing by food, which I will be more than happy to accept! I don't want people in and out of our home constantly, but I'll allow close family to stop by for a couple of hours here & there. 

    Yes this totally! I won't turn away anyone who wants to help! Lol And see I know our families respect us enough to call before coming and to not over stay. It totally flabbergasts me how so many people are having troubles with family not respecting them and their wishes!
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    hacharleshacharles member
    edited August 2015
    This will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been thinking about since it's been a hot topic. I get not wanting anyone except SO in the delivery room with you (I'll only allow SO & my mother, who is an L&D nurse), but I don't really get the people who say they won't let anyone visit them in the hospital afterwards. At first I get it, because I pretty much hate my in-laws and really don't want them there, but when I thought about how I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would be incredibly pissed & hurt if my SO told me my mother couldn't visit us in the hospital a few hours after birth. 
    I'm with you on this one!! I don't get it either. But I also don't get the whole no visitors for 1 or 2 weeks after "for bonding". I'm sorry I think that's kinda ridiculous. Your gonna bond with your baby no matter if people are there or not. I couldn't imagine keeping people that are so excited to meet my child away. To me that's just kinda mean.
    My mom has already hinted that she will be bringing by food, which I will be more than happy to accept! I don't want people in and out of our home constantly, but I'll allow close family to stop by for a couple of hours here & there. 

    I'd welcome in and out visits before I would accept extended stays. Not because of bonding but because I'm very private ....and stubborn.

    ETA: though I'm realistic that I may feel completely different when the time comes ha.

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    This will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been thinking about since it's been a hot topic. I get not wanting anyone except SO in the delivery room with you (I'll only allow SO & my mother, who is an L&D nurse), but I don't really get the people who say they won't let anyone visit them in the hospital afterwards. At first I get it, because I pretty much hate my in-laws and really don't want them there, but when I thought about how I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would be incredibly pissed & hurt if my SO told me my mother couldn't visit us in the hospital a few hours after birth. 


    I have a list of 4 people who can visit at all times that aren't my husband... I know if I tell people he's here then everybody will be at the hospital at once.. I don't want to feel overwhelmed by having so many people in the room that's why I personally said nobody in the room.. However my best friend, sister and my MIL and my mom are allowed in at any time except during actual delivery..
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    And realisticly I will probably just wait till I wait until I'm ready to call people
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    I actually loved having my mom in the delivery room.
    We first told her she had to leave when I started pushing and then I just didn't care.
    She feels incredibly grateful that she got to meet her grandson with us and I am happy that we could give that to her. She stayed quiet and got my husband cold wash cloths to put on my head. Never once did she interfere or even make a peep.
    image
    Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
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    Not sure if this is a UO, but I imagine not a ton of people feel this way. I am super excited for labor and want to feel every single moment of it. I think birth is an amazing process and am really looking forward to experiencing it as fully has possible (hopefully intervention-free although I'm also realistic and know that might not be possible). So far my one and only labor nightmare has been that I was unconscious for the whole thing and missed experiencing what it feels like. 
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    This will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been thinking about since it's been a hot topic. I get not wanting anyone except SO in the delivery room with you (I'll only allow SO & my mother, who is an L&D nurse), but I don't really get the people who say they won't let anyone visit them in the hospital afterwards. At first I get it, because I pretty much hate my in-laws and really don't want them there, but when I thought about how I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would be incredibly pissed & hurt if my SO told me my mother couldn't visit us in the hospital a few hours after birth. 

    It doesn't bother me either. We had tons of visitors with DD1. We had my DH, Mom,MIL in the delivery room. We are both very close to our moms. In the waiting room there was 5 more people crazy to me. But didn't really bother me. Also I would say close to 15-20 visitors during hospital stay (we where there 4 days do to jaundice). Got home and still visitors. DD2 was totally different. Still had same people in delivery room but no one in waiting. Only 5 hospital visitors(most grandparents). Few came by house most didn't see her till 2 weeks later when we had DD1's birthday party. Very true that the 1st is always the most exciting and everyone wants to be there the next ones they take there time and not as big a deal to them I guess.
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    In regards to visitors, I had a very bad experience while giving birth to my first daughter.  My (now ex) in-laws were very disrespectful of me and what I was trying to accomplish during labor and delivery.  They put on horrible tv shows and basically set themselves up in the L&D room with food and made themselves comfortable while I was only begrudgingly allowed ice chips for 16hrs.  They whined when I asked them to leave the room so I could use a bed pan and while my dilation and such was being checked by the doctor.  After the birth which occurred at 10ish at night following 16hrs from the time my water broke they kept me up until after midnight to cuddle and get to know the baby.  They did not want to leave the room while I tried to breast feed.  I had my father in law staring at my exposed breasts while I tried to figure out how the hell to feed my hungry child.  This continued for the two days they stayed at my house after I brought my daughter home.  When I retreated with my daughter into my room and shut the door I was called rude.  They did not clean or cook or do anything but tell me what I was doing wrong. 

    My family called before coming over and stayed about an hour or so at a time when they came and did not try to follow me to the bedroom when I tried to breastfeed. 

    I feel like the very rough start with my daughter affected how I saw myself as a mother and my comfort level with breast feeding.  I am not willing to go through anything similar again.  This time there is no one but my SO allowed in L&D with me and we'll call friends and family to let them know when they can visit based on what I'm comfortable with at the time. 

    Wow that sounds like an awful experience! I think a lot of this boils down to what your family and friends are like and what their expectations are. We have no restrictions on visitors but luckily we have families who respect our privacy and wouldn't dream of hanging around the hospital waiting for the baby to be born.
    If I'd had an experience like yours I would certainly be doing exactly what you're doing.
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    HellsAngel22HellsAngel22 member
    edited August 2015

    This will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been thinking about since it's been a hot topic. I get not wanting anyone except SO in the delivery room with you (I'll only allow SO & my mother, who is an L&D nurse), but I don't really get the people who say they won't let anyone visit them in the hospital afterwards. At first I get it, because I pretty much hate my in-laws and really don't want them there, but when I thought about how I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would be incredibly pissed & hurt if my SO told me my mother couldn't visit us in the hospital a few hours after birth. 

    I'm with you on this one!! I don't get it either. But I also don't get the whole no visitors for 1 or 2 weeks after "for bonding". I'm sorry I think that's kinda ridiculous. Your gonna bond with your baby no matter if people are there or not. I couldn't imagine keeping people that are so excited to meet my child away. To me that's just kinda mean.
    I disagree here. @katiedhunter There are many other reasons besides bonding that people want no visitors for the first week or two.
    I'm having no visitors for the first week because that's my choice & it's what myself & SO have decided on. I haven't done it to upset people I've done it purely for the fact having visitors day in day out can get very over whelming.
    I'm not keeping my baby away from them forever, just for the 1st week.
    I've also decided on this because with my first I done the visitors the minute I was home & i did get over whelmed & it did get to much.
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    @VexedMommy if I had that experience I think I would be the same way. My ILs have been helpful and stayed out of the way. FIL would walk out of room while I got myself situated breastfeeding. My MIL might get on my nerves but she doesn't intrude and they will do dishes without asking(I always feel awkward but I know they understand)
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    The idea of being a SAHM, full time student and mom to 2U3 makes me want to stick my head in the sand and cry.
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    This will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been thinking about since it's been a hot topic. I get not wanting anyone except SO in the delivery room with you (I'll only allow SO & my mother, who is an L&D nurse), but I don't really get the people who say they won't let anyone visit them in the hospital afterwards. At first I get it, because I pretty much hate my in-laws and really don't want them there, but when I thought about how I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would be incredibly pissed & hurt if my SO told me my mother couldn't visit us in the hospital a few hours after birth. 

    This has been a hot topic with my husband and I. He wants to wait two weeks for anyone to meet our baby. I am not a fan of this. I'm so excited for family to meet her. He says that he has waited his whole life to be a dad and he wants to bond with just us. Which is awesome, buuuut I still want to show her off. We will get plenty of bonding. I think that maybe part of the reason too is that his family is all out of town, so only my family would meet her that soon.

    I think we have reached a compromise, and we will wait two days and let my family know it will be a short visit. We won't be at a hospital (assuming no issues during L&D) so we'll be at home much sooner.
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    @vexedmommy Oh I get you 100%. My reasons for no one at the hospital are exactly the same, my In laws completely ruined it with my first. With my second they were away (I'm sure I've blabbed all this on here somewhere before... Sorry!) and it was brilliant. Everyone was respectful and sweet and caring. Parents and best friend dropped by for 15 mins each and then left us to it. so this time I just won't tell the in laws when I'm in labour as it's the ONLY way they won't come by the hospital. And this was my husbands decision... Because he sees it as the only solution. They can meet the baby a day or so later, whenever we both feel up to entertaining their BS


    I actually sat my MIL down recently and told her how much she upset me the first time and how I felt. I imagined it would be a really productive convo ending in cuddles and understanding. No... She just said I probably felt that way due to all the drugs I was on (I had a csection). So although I DO see what everyone's saying about it being harsh etc, some family members just can NOT be trusted to respect anything you would like or need. MIL came by daily for a week to "hold the baby so I could put a wash on" or "hold the baby so I could make us dinner". She was basically obsessed with the baby and uninterested in the fact that I'd had major surgery and would cry every time I sneezed... I tried to put myself in her situation but she never once paid me the same courtesy.

    Anyway, this is UO Thursday and I think this topic is perfect for the occasion!


    Well my UO for this week is when people tell me "you're not really eating for two you know."
    I don't need that kind of negativity in my life!!!
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    This probably isn't a UO, but I can't really reach my toes without it being uncomfortable. I desperately need a pedicure. 

    Just needed to complain.
    Yes! I was taking a shower last night and could barely wash my feet and shave my legs!
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    TacoSarah said:

    Mine is I hate the names people use for their foetus. 'Bean sprout', 'jelly bean', 'gummy bear', 'ickle bean' etc I've even seen someone on TB calling it 'my little parasite'.

    It annoys me, I don't know why, a bit like Drew Barrymore annoys me, no particular reason, just does. Sorry Drew.

    Yes! I know sharing the name before LO is born is somewhat of a UO, but one of the reasons I like it is that then I have something to call LO besides baby.

    On a side note, we are naming this LO in honor of my sister. It is a little weird calling the baby her name still, but I am hoping it will be more normal by November.
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    TacoSarah said:

    Mine is I hate the names people use for their foetus. 'Bean sprout', 'jelly bean', 'gummy bear', 'ickle bean' etc I've even seen someone on TB calling it 'my little parasite'.

    It annoys me, I don't know why, a bit like Drew Barrymore annoys me, no particular reason, just does. Sorry Drew.


    My little parasite?!?? Wtf man you're talking about a life you've created, not genital herpes. Wow!! Also I kinda get the Drew thing. The way she speaks irritates me
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    I love it when people call me 'momma' or ask how I'm feeling. I have absolutely no problem with it, although belly grabbers are on my crap list.

    That's funny cause I actually hate being called momma. I kinda feel like baby isn't out, I'm nobody's mother yet.
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    This will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but it's something I've been thinking about since it's been a hot topic. I get not wanting anyone except SO in the delivery room with you (I'll only allow SO & my mother, who is an L&D nurse), but I don't really get the people who say they won't let anyone visit them in the hospital afterwards. At first I get it, because I pretty much hate my in-laws and really don't want them there, but when I thought about how I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would be incredibly pissed & hurt if my SO told me my mother couldn't visit us in the hospital a few hours after birth. 


    To me, the hospital is not the place to host visitors. It's where you get the baby out, get your grounding with the new one, and recover from extracting a human.

    We had people waiting (about 20 family members) for hours with DD1... I nursed for an hr after she was born, then everyone came in to pass her around. I had just labored for 13 hrs and pushed for 2... I was so worn out, but they didn't care. I was PISSED.

    With DS I decided (DH didn't agree at first) that no one comes to hospital. I ended up having emergency section and DS in NICU -- after the fact he said he was so glad people weren't there. The last thing he wanted was to have to deal with everyone else or worry about others.


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    In regards to visitors, I had a very bad experience while giving birth to my first daughter.  My (now ex) in-laws were very disrespectful of me and what I was trying to accomplish during labor and delivery.  They put on horrible tv shows and basically set themselves up in the L&D room with food and made themselves comfortable while I was only begrudgingly allowed ice chips for 16hrs.  They whined when I asked them to leave the room so I could use a bed pan and while my dilation and such was being checked by the doctor.  After the birth which occurred at 10ish at night following 16hrs from the time my water broke they kept me up until after midnight to cuddle and get to know the baby.  They did not want to leave the room while I tried to breast feed.  I had my father in law staring at my exposed breasts while I tried to figure out how the hell to feed my hungry child.  This continued for the two days they stayed at my house after I brought my daughter home.  When I retreated with my daughter into my room and shut the door I was called rude.  They did not clean or cook or do anything but tell me what I was doing wrong. 

    My family called before coming over and stayed about an hour or so at a time when they came and did not try to follow me to the bedroom when I tried to breastfeed. 

    I feel like the very rough start with my daughter affected how I saw myself as a mother and my comfort level with breast feeding.  I am not willing to go through anything similar again.  This time there is no one but my SO allowed in L&D with me and we'll call friends and family to let them know when they can visit based on what I'm comfortable with at the time. 

    My god that sounds awful! I thought it was the norm but I'm realizing as more ladies comment on this topic that I'm lucky to have family and friends that respect us enough to not be all up in our business. I thought it was just common knowledge that it's only SO in delivery unless you've been specifically invited.
    image BabyFruit Ticker VOTE on my Name List
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    @vexedmommy that explains why you are so obsessed with miss manners. I feel for you.

    Umm, what?
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    This probably isn't a UO, but I can't really reach my toes without it being uncomfortable. I desperately need a pedicure. 

    Just needed to complain.
    Same here. I don't think I can cut my toenails anymore. The last time was super hard. I'm trying to hold off on a pedicure until next week as one of my best friends is having a baby shower next weekend. Also shaving the legs is getting to be a bit difficult too. I'm a little scared of the next 13 weeks because these things are only going to get more difficult.
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