I would have done much worse than tearing up. Like full on ugly angry cry, probably. And I definitely would have let the mister have it. I totally understand that my SO has an interest in what I ingest and how it affects our baby, but unless I am taking drugs or drinking alcohol or something else that could definitely harm the little one, no one but me gets to decide what I consume. It really gets under my skin to hear about men who don't "allow" their wives or significant others to eat or drink certain things.
Is he usually controlling, or do you think the pregnancy has brought this side out of him? Either way, I think this warrants a serious sit-down talk about respect, control, and his role in your diet and other choices. But maybe that's just me.
Yeah there was a recent study released that 300mg of caffeine is fiiiine. If he was worried about anything in a Dunking iced it should be the sugar (NO JUDGEMENT, I ate 1/2 pan monkey bread this am) the caffeine is pretty minimal. Seriously though that'd be a boundary thing for me. My SO is the opposite of controlling though, so I've never been in that situation. Honestly if I was in that situation and he did that I'd get him checked for a brain tumour or something but that's not our dynamics but I definitely understand ours is probably not normal.
My husband was like that in the first two months or so, and I had to have a talk with him. When he told me I couldn't have something, I felt like he wasn't trusting my judgement as a mom. I went through a loss with my first pregnancy and had to deal with everything physically...I think that helped him understand. Also, I haven't ever really dealt well with people who tell me what to do . I know that it was his way of showing he cares, he just had to scale it back.
@kfarr26, we named our second daughter Isabelle and I swore I would never ever call her Issy. Well, long story short Belle didn't fit her and she was dubbed Busy Issy. My mil has always called her Isa, it's just between them and she hates it if anyone else calls her that. It's just my Mil's nickname for her and it's sweet. I don't like the nickname but then again I also hated the nn Issy until I realized it fit her. She's 13 now and still is my Busy Issy.
I'd be totally fine with her deciding that she liked to be called Alex. And if she wants to be called Lexie, I'll tell the in laws to get over the dog thing already and deal with it. I'd be just as happy if she just chooses to go by Alexandra, though, because I think it's a very pretty and strong name. It's classic but uncommon.
I think if I call her any nicknames, though, it'll most likely be Ally Butt. My parents called me Krissy or Bitty Butt growing up. Nobody else was allowed to call me those, though. Everyone else had to call me by my full name. I'm assuming my daughter will be just as decisive on her name choice. lol
My husband says I'm "not allowed" certain things, but it's not in a controlling way. Just if it's something on the list of no-no items he pays particular attention to - alcohol and sushi are his biggies but has asked about caffeine a time or two. Sometimes he asks on random things...for some reason he has it in his head that pregnant women shouldn't eat onions. No idea where that one came from. I'd be piiiiiiiissed if he took a coffee from me and threw it away, though. It's easy enough to look up caffeine content and make a judgement call. He definitely flipped over nothing.
My husband actually asked yesterday about how much more caffeine I could drink in the day because I had a small soda at Wendy's and got a refill, but after I told him how much caffeine is in one and how much the suggested limit was that was the end of it. It would not have been pretty if he had just taken the refill out of my hand and threw it away, though!
DISCLAIMER : this post will be somewhat derogatory because my boss is a potty mouthed old man who has worked in and/or owned bars his whole life. And its really long. I apologize now.
This morning my boss commented once again that HE feels like I've been pregnant for a year, (oh poor you, imagine having to actually be pregnant and waiting for your beautiful baby to come into this world), anyway, he asked me "what is it again? I forgot", he's almost 60 and owns/runs 3 bars so understandable I guess, I told him it was a boy. He then proceeded to say "oh it's going to be a little wh*** boy" at which point I'm sure the craziest look he's ever seen me with came across my face and I said "what is that supposed to mean?"
Now let me pause, I am 23 and I was in a stage of my life before my current SO of partying a lot, I'm a bartender it's what we do, but I was, before this SO, in an abusive relationship. I will admit to being a partier. I will admit that I probably did a little too much of said partying. BUT never ever in my life have I been a wh*** or a sl** or even would see how someone would describe me that way.
Back to this exchange.
He gave me this look like "you know what I mean" and goes "let me see when he's 16 you're going to get a phone call saying he's got an issue with his wee wee because he was sleeping around." Kinda saying because that's what you did. (Which I didnt, I've been in relationships since I've worked for this guy...3 to be exact) I was so mad. I told one of my coworkers later, we're all pretty used to being him being a jerk, and then he said something else right in front of her (I don't remember what because I had turned him down in my brain at that point) and she goes "haven't you learned to not poke the pregnant girl?" (He hires all women in the front of house and has had many pregnant girls over the years, naturally) he just brushed her off. But one of these days he's going to say the really wrong thing at the really wrong hormonal time.
Growing up I didn't love my name. Don't know why just never did. Now I long to hear my momma say my full name. And I love it when my SO uses my full name too (even though he thinks I hate it, I secretly love it, shhh lol)
I am so tired of people asking me what the name is going to be and giving suggestions. Especially when my regular customers suggest their own names. It's MY baby I will name him what SO and I agree on and fall in love with! And I'm definitely not naming him after one of you alcoholics that is in my bar everyday.
Your baby will love what ever name you pick for him/her.
I was at an engagement party this weekend and a distant cousin runs up to me for a hug and says "Hi, Chubby!!" For the record, I'm pretty petite and besides my boobs, the weight I have gained is really only showing in my belly.
At a shower a few weeks ago I also had a family member (another cousin- other side of the family) tell me that she knew I was pregnant at a different family event back when I was 11 weeks along. I did have a little bloat bump at the time. Then she was like "someone else that day said you just hadn't lost any of the baby weight from dd1." She was very matter of fact about as if it was an obvious thing. I smiled and said "actually, I had lost all but 5 lbs from dd1."
Oddly enough, my body was finally starting to look normal again right before I got pregnant (which was around when dd1 turned 1). I think they're all used to my body from my early 20's which was too skinny- my metabolism slowed in my late 20's so now I'm pretty average in build. Still, who says things like that to begin with?
I finally have one! I went for a scan and the sonographer says to me "oh you arent showing yet, dont worry it will happen soon" what the f&@*!!! Apart from the fact that my belly is about 10x bigger then it was (and im lucky enough to have not put much weight anywhere else yet) you dont say that lady!! Somebody in the baby industry should definitely know better then to comment on a pregnant lady's figure, we are all so different. Ive been struggling a bit with how my body is changing a bit lately too, so i went home and cried into a bucket of m&ms
So, I saw my grandmother for the first time today in over a year. She knows I am pregnant and the first thing she says is, 'wow your getting fat, fatter than me'. Thanks.
My husband makes it a point to call me fat (lovingly) every day. I think it's his way of desensitizing me from it. Honestly, I love love love this big belly. So I smile when he calls me fat. Is that weird?
My husband makes it a point to call me fat (lovingly) every day. I think it's his way of desensitizing me from it. Honestly, I love love love this big belly. So I smile when he calls me fat. Is that weird?
My husband makes some sort of fat comment every day, too. He told me today to let him know if it was ever actually bothering me and he'd stop. I simply responded, "oh you'll know" lol.
These dumb comments just never end, huh? The ladies I work with love the fact that I'm a FTM and make sure to give me plenty of advice/make comments about what childbirth does to your body and how you'll never be the same afterwards! Apparently I will pee my pants a little whenever I sneeze after having kids! I will never have control over my body again! I will get stretch marks that will never go away and have extra baby weight forever and blablabla. Not to mention the comments about my bump, don't even let me go there.
And I love these women dearly, they may just be trying to prepare me or something, but MY experience is my own and nobody else's. I'll figure it out as I go. Some of those things might be partially true...maaaaybe... but I don't understand why anyone would talk to a FTM about ONLY the negative stuff. Like I need that in my life and in my head when I am just trying to make it through the day, people. ok rant over
@annawestt STM here I've never snissed, I have more (faded) stretch mark scars from when I was 16 and my baby weight went away quickly. Everyone is different! My coworkers do the same "when you have two your life is over!" Funny thing is that they could be right about that one haha
@annawestt the kid you will get from it all is the best part. Wouldn't trade mine for my body, sleep, or freedom back. Life will change: u will have more smiles directed at you, and more reasons to smile. More hugs and kisses, more laughter and reasons to laugh. More joy and appreciation for peaceful moments. More moments that make you wish you could stop time. Life will be fuller. Yes, there are negative side effects. Maybe you will sniss (I only have issues while pregnant) maybe you will have stretch marks, there will be less sleep and more stress. But you will be so busy loving your kid, you won't have time to miss what you gave up.
I am so tired of hearing that babysitting my 4 month old nephew every week is good practice.
While I might be pretty good at feeding, burping, and diaper changing, it's not "good practice" for being a mom.
He is dropped off here in the morning and picked up before 8pm. I still get a full night's rest and I don't have to make any big decisions like what to feed him at this age and who his pediatrician should be. STOP TELLING ME ITS GOOD PRACTICE!!!
I'm still an absolute mess when I think about actually becoming a mom!
I am so tired of hearing that babysitting my 4 month old nephew every week is good practice.
While I might be pretty good at feeding, burping, and diaper changing, it's not "good practice" for being a mom.
He is dropped off here in the morning and picked up before 8pm. I still get a full night's rest and I don't have to make any big decisions like what to feed him at this age and who his pediatrician should be. STOP TELLING ME ITS GOOD PRACTICE!!!
I'm still an absolute mess when I think about actually becoming a mom!
You've got this! I know we all stress about one thing or another, but it's like anything else in life - one day at a time. You'll get in your own routine and do great!
Saw my grandmother again today. She looked at her boyfriend and says, "look, see how fat she is getting?" And then he looks at me and goes "yeah, congrats on getting knocked up again!" Seriously, come on. I know your older a ND think that means you can say what you want but there is a reason I never talk to you or go to see you. Rude.
I'm a server so I hear the same joke, USUALLY from the same people, weekly (or numerous times a week).. "Are you pregnant?" "You're getting a beer belly." "Might wanna take a test!" I'm so sick of fake laughing at the dumb jokes!
Another woman said, "Wow, you look so much bigger than just 2 weeks ago?" I was thinking, what'd you expect me to do.. shrink!? I said "well that tends to happen in pregnancy since there's a baby growing in there." THEN she said "you look different too, I can definitely see it in your face. It's much puffier."
So I was overweight before getting pregnant like many people because I went a little crazy with the eating for two thing when pregnant with DS and dr only wants me to gain 15-20 at the most.
So at a family gathering pregnancy weight came up I mentioned I was proud of myself that ive done so well and only and gained 6lb so far at 25 wks bc of good eating no soda no fast food etc.
And my aunt who's a "nurse" and I use that term loosely starts giving me shit bc its not healthy blah blah blah and I need to gain more and that im probably hurting my baby because im not getting proper nutrition and my dr doesn't know what shes talking about I was so mad I just got up and walked out I had to bite my tongue.... I hate people that think they know everything !!!!
So I go in for a check up today. They tell me to take off my bottoms and get on the table for a pap smear. This doctor office tends to be big on them so I just did what they said. 10 minutes later, nurse comes in and goes, "oh, are you wanting a pap smear today?" My response was of course, no, I hate them but I'm already naked on the table, have waited 10 minutes, and I know that if I don't do it today, you will ask again next week, so let's do it. Then she goes out, I can hear her tell the doctor what I said. The doctor comes in and is like, if you really don't want it, we don't have to give you one. I reply, "I'm naked, on a cold table. We are both here, just swab me and get it over with." I mean, come on.
Ps, I hate them as they tend to be a bit painful for me. I have a deep cervix, narrow channel, and I always end up spotting after one, no matter who is giving it.
tuesday night before Mass, the priest came up and asked me "when is the baby due again? i can't remember." i told him "end of March, Father" and he jumps back with a frown looking down at my belly and said "OH! i was thinking it was right around Xmas!" really, THANKS, Father.
so yesterday i go visit my old work - it's a group of orthopods. well one of the doctors comes up (not the cool one i scrubbed for) and asks when the baby is due. "end of March" i tell him of course. "ah yes, very good, end of the month! Christmas is a perfect time!" i said, "no, no - MARCH. end of March, Dr Payne!" his reply? "are you sure?! that doesn't seem right" *looking at my belly* i mean COME ON people! BRAIN! i guess he could see i was flustered, so then he says "well very good very good; three is just a perfect number." .. hmm .. "Dr Payne, this is number 4 - Evan is in school." *extended throat clearing* "Ah. yes. well then. ahem. 4 is a very nice number too. i just can't keep track." i just laughed, like neither can i dude, neither can i ::eyeroll::
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama
to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
*no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
but i still feel bigger on the inside Autism mama!
Here's mine today: I had my midwife appointment this morning. Measuring 2 weeks big, which is not a surprise. I make big babies! I'm also getting used to the looks of shock when people ask when I'm due and I say March. BUT. If you ask that and you're shocked, please don't follow that up with "My granddaughter is due tomorrow and she's smaller than you! So I thought you'd be due any day!" I've been getting a few of these "you're huge!" comments recently, and it's getting old. I'm very aware, and oh, just you wait! Yes, it is possible for this belly to get even bigger!!
@MrsLeanMeanClean I agree - the bigger boobs give off the illusion that the bump is smaller. I didn't think it would be possible for them to grow so much in such a short amount of time and I am not even BFing yet!
@Katherine8908 you're totally healthy if you're eating well. I gained 10ish lbs last time (I'm slightly overweight, 5'8" 205 lbs starting) and have only gained 1 lb this time. One freaking lb. I was at my first OB appointment (my family doc delivers babies but I need to schedule a csection at 41 if I don't go by then) and lamented about the 1 lb and her response was "you're healthy! Don't worry". So your nurse aunt can shove it The person who I feel bad is one of my coworkers she an average size but we're due on the same day and my bump is barely noticeable and hers is average/wee bit above average. People keep saying "ohh wow you're huge and she's small". What the hell do you say in that circumstance??? I've been mumbling something about making small babies.
The worst thing someone has said to me with this pregnancy was the father, when he flaked out and told me he hoped I died and hoped I had a miscarriage & that he was signing off his rights. Thankfully I haven't heard from him since but just in case I've saved the text messages where he said those things.
I'm sure there have been other responses that I haven't seen yet, but I have to jump in. I'm a lawyer who does family law. In Colorado where I am he cannot just sign away his rights and have no child support unless you have someone else to adopt baby in his stead. It is the child's right to have support from both parents. You have a very hard decision to make. I recommend going to court now for a custody order and child support. Then he can't just waltz back in and demand time if it's not in the court order. I don't know how easy it would be to do there yourself, but I highly recommend having an attorney to make sure it's done right. You can get a decent rate on an attorney if you find a younger person in the suburbs instead of a big firm downtown. Check avvo.
Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
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@Katherine8908 no, I was in texas and there they ask if you have come in contact with stds. I said no, they said that if i wanted one done, i just needed to ask. I never asked, so I didn't get one. They did mention they would do one closer to due date to ensure that I was healthy down there for the babies' sake.
Here though, they push for everyone to get at least two done per pregnancy.
I finally got the "holy shit you are huge! Is there 1 or 2 in there?" photo comment on facebook. Gee if you were really interested you would see I have been talking about ONE for the last 7 months. And I was plus- sized to begin with so yeah I'm going to look bigger. wtg.
February Siggy Challenge- Post pregnancy indulgences
I swear to GOD if i get one more twin or 10 pound baby joke I'm going to snap! What makes it worse is people commenting on my Facebook pics- one person comments with the twin joke and a few hours later my SMIL says the same exact damn thing. Argh!!!
February Siggy Challenge- Post pregnancy indulgences
I have no idea how it came up but my brother in law was grilling me about my VBAC plan. Telling me how easy my sister's c-section recoveries were. So easy for you bro? -you get cut open for the birth experience YOU think I should have. Thanks but no thanks.
Answers
Is he usually controlling, or do you think the pregnancy has brought this side out of him? Either way, I think this warrants a serious sit-down talk about respect, control, and his role in your diet and other choices. But maybe that's just me.
Seriously though that'd be a boundary thing for me. My SO is the opposite of controlling though, so I've never been in that situation. Honestly if I was in that situation and he did that I'd get him checked for a brain tumour or something but that's not our dynamics but I definitely understand ours is probably not normal.
I think if I call her any nicknames, though, it'll most likely be Ally Butt. My parents called me Krissy or Bitty Butt growing up. Nobody else was allowed to call me those, though. Everyone else had to call me by my full name. I'm assuming my daughter will be just as decisive on her name choice. lol
And I love Busy Issy! That's awesome
My husband actually asked yesterday about how much more caffeine I could drink in the day because I had a small soda at Wendy's and got a refill, but after I told him how much caffeine is in one and how much the suggested limit was that was the end of it. It would not have been pretty if he had just taken the refill out of my hand and threw it away, though!
This morning my boss commented once again that HE feels like I've been pregnant for a year, (oh poor you, imagine having to actually be pregnant and waiting for your beautiful baby to come into this world), anyway, he asked me "what is it again? I forgot", he's almost 60 and owns/runs 3 bars so understandable I guess, I told him it was a boy. He then proceeded to say "oh it's going to be a little wh*** boy" at which point I'm sure the craziest look he's ever seen me with came across my face and I said "what is that supposed to mean?"
Now let me pause, I am 23 and I was in a stage of my life before my current SO of partying a lot, I'm a bartender it's what we do, but I was, before this SO, in an abusive relationship. I will admit to being a partier. I will admit that I probably did a little too much of said partying. BUT never ever in my life have I been a wh*** or a sl** or even would see how someone would describe me that way.
Back to this exchange.
He gave me this look like "you know what I mean" and goes "let me see when he's 16 you're going to get a phone call saying he's got an issue with his wee wee because he was sleeping around." Kinda saying because that's what you did. (Which I didnt, I've been in relationships since I've worked for this guy...3 to be exact) I was so mad. I told one of my coworkers later, we're all pretty used to being him being a jerk, and then he said something else right in front of her (I don't remember what because I had turned him down in my brain at that point) and she goes "haven't you learned to not poke the pregnant girl?" (He hires all women in the front of house and has had many pregnant girls over the years, naturally) he just brushed her off. But one of these days he's going to say the really wrong thing at the really wrong hormonal time.
Ugh. I hate people!
Name your kid want you want to name him/her!
Growing up I didn't love my name. Don't know why just never did. Now I long to hear my momma say my full name. And I love it when my SO uses my full name too (even though he thinks I hate it, I secretly love it, shhh lol)
I am so tired of people asking me what the name is going to be and giving suggestions. Especially when my regular customers suggest their own names. It's MY baby I will name him what SO and I agree on and fall in love with! And I'm definitely not naming him after one of you alcoholics that is in my bar everyday.
Your baby will love what ever name you pick for him/her.
But trust me I do know the struggle is real!! ♡♡
At a shower a few weeks ago I also had a family member (another cousin- other side of the family) tell me that she knew I was pregnant at a different family event back when I was 11 weeks along. I did have a little bloat bump at the time. Then she was like "someone else that day said you just hadn't lost any of the baby weight from dd1." She was very matter of fact about as if it was an obvious thing. I smiled and said "actually, I had lost all but 5 lbs from dd1."
Oddly enough, my body was finally starting to look normal again right before I got pregnant (which was around when dd1 turned 1). I think they're all used to my body from my early 20's which was too skinny- my metabolism slowed in my late 20's so now I'm pretty average in build. Still, who says things like that to begin with?
I'm measuring almost a month bigger than what I am and the constant question I am ALWAYS hearing is "omg you're so big, is it twins???"
Then they cannot believe I am due in March when I tell them no there is only 1 in there. I hear this from random people every day.
DS2 due 12/12/18
My coworkers do the same "when you have two your life is over!" Funny thing is that they could be right about that one haha
Seriously, come on. I know your older a ND think that means you can say what you want but there is a reason I never talk to you or go to see you. Rude.
Another woman said, "Wow, you look so much bigger than just 2 weeks ago?" I was thinking, what'd you expect me to do.. shrink!? I said "well that tends to happen in pregnancy since there's a baby growing in there." THEN she said "you look different too, I can definitely see it in your face. It's much puffier."
So at a family gathering pregnancy weight came up I mentioned I was proud of myself that ive done so well and only and gained 6lb so far at 25 wks bc of good eating no soda no fast food etc.
And my aunt who's a "nurse" and I use that term loosely starts giving me shit bc its not healthy blah blah blah and I need to gain more and that im probably hurting my baby because im not getting proper nutrition and my dr doesn't know what shes talking about I was so mad I just got up and walked out I had to bite my tongue.... I hate people that think they know everything !!!!
The doctor comes in and is like, if you really don't want it, we don't have to give you one.
I reply, "I'm naked, on a cold table. We are both here, just swab me and get it over with." I mean, come on.
Ps, I hate them as they tend to be a bit painful for me. I have a deep cervix, narrow channel, and I always end up spotting after one, no matter who is giving it.
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
Here's mine today:
I had my midwife appointment this morning. Measuring 2 weeks big, which is not a surprise. I make big babies! I'm also getting used to the looks of shock when people ask when I'm due and I say March. BUT. If you ask that and you're shocked, please don't follow that up with "My granddaughter is due tomorrow and she's smaller than you! So I thought you'd be due any day!" I've been getting a few of these "you're huge!" comments recently, and it's getting old. I'm very aware, and oh, just you wait! Yes, it is possible for this belly to get even bigger!!
But then I think that my 40E boobs are so big I just can't see past them!
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
The person who I feel bad is one of my coworkers she an average size but we're due on the same day and my bump is barely noticeable and hers is average/wee bit above average. People keep saying "ohh wow you're huge and she's small". What the hell do you say in that circumstance??? I've been mumbling something about making small babies.
Here though, they push for everyone to get at least two done per pregnancy.