Grieving and Moving on

CarmelFairey

Hi, I'm new to the board. I am new to miscarriage and pregnacy. Yesterday I miscarried at what we think was 5-6wks. I had my first and last appointment of my first pregnancy yesterday. Based on what came out before the doctor's appointment I think we were having fraternal twins. I'm older and women in my family have a history of having successful pregnancies later in life. I was born to a 45yr mom.

I am taking the rest of week off work and considering cancelling a vacations with my sorority sisters just to grieve and try to regroup whatever that means....
How long did you grieve? Did you? Us part of this the preggie hormones?
Any advice from your experiences? Caution, Wisdom. What do you do to cope?
Thanks

cyntodd

I had gone in for 12 week check up and found out my baby passed. It was extremely hard at first and now 5 weeks later I am still having days where I cry and miss him terribly. I can tell you it does get easier but it doesn't just go away. I didn't really want to talk to anybody the first couple of weeks and then after that I started to open up a little. Take time to heal how you need to. As far as coping this forum has been amazing and I have started journaling. Mostly just letting my self cry when I need to has helped too....holding it in is not helpful. Hope that helps.

ceclarlinetlo

For me, I need to have an equal balance of withdrawing from social situations when I need to but also pushing forward to keep life "normal". so for me this looked like still going to church but not getting there early or staying after to socialize, getting back to work fairly quickly (where thankfully everyone has been incredibly supportive) but taking half days if necessary.

I also ate my feelings for an entire month.

The first few day/weeks as your hormones get back to normal definitely affects the grieving process. I'm feel much more stable a few weeks out - but everyone is different. Don't feel like you need to be back to normal by a certain time. Miscarriage is very traumatic and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

DrKariC

I'm only a week from finding out and I'm still waiting to physically miscarry so I feel like I'm in a kind of limbo where I've grieved a lot but I'm stuck until the physical part and I can't move emotionally forward until that happens.

I'm going to work like usual and there's only 1 person there that knows. If I take time off someone else has to get called in from a day off to cover me, and I find that going to work helps (I love my job). 

I expect to carry this baby with me a little forever, and to grieve for a while, but as @ceclarlinetlo said I think it helps to have some normal activities as well as time to myself. 

CarmelFairey

Thank you ladies for your kind words and advice. I'm grateful for your time and will take it one day at a time.

R0824H

I found out all in one day on Monday that I was pregnant and that I was miscarrying, it was a huge mix of emotions that didn't fully hit me until the next morning because the testing and waiting on Monday was just a blur. I still hit a low whenever I start getting stomach cramps or think about it...I actually went through a whole carton of ice cream on Tuesday and did not change out of my PJs. Family was huge for support and my mom actually said a few things that really helped me. One of the things was that my body was getting ready to do something it had never done before and sometimes to get things right it can take more than one try. 

I know it's hard but I just keep telling myself to think positive and take one step at a time, and each day as it comes.

CarmelFairey

Thank you @rrauws I only kinda knew a week and your moms words are so powerful! And hopeful.

hahaeger

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know how long you will have to grieve but I know you will get through this and that they will always be with you even if you didn't get to meet them. This is my experience.
I found out at 7 weeks that we were having identical twins, and then at the 9 week appointment that we were loosing both of them. They had both stopped growing and didn't have heartbeats anymore. Such a rollercoaster of emotions. Like some of the other women on here I'm in the process of waiting for the physical miscarriage to finish happening. It's been about 2 weeks since I found out. I'm considering having a D&C at this point to be able to start healing.

cammlyn

I was 8 weeks when I went to the er and hear a wonderful little heartbeat that I still play over and over inside my head. The next day went back to the er was even more pain to learn our baby had passed.

At first I was just mad and forced myself into social situations as much as possible. I am a doer so I needed to get moving and stay busy.

I still have days. Some very bad. And we are almost 3 months out. It does get easier but I know that hole in my DH heart and my own will never be filled until we get to hold our baby in heaven. Until then we are just finding a new normal and starting to try.

So many thoughts and prayers.