OB Nurse: how to cope?

kmcole14

I don't even know where to begin. My husband and I stopped using birth control back in February and I was pregnant by March. At my 8 week ultrasound our baby was measuring 2 weeks early with no heartbeat. A week later at a follow up ultrasound the baby hadn't grown and still no heartbeat. My chart read "missed abortion" (I hate that term). I'm also a nurse in labor and delivery/postpartum.

It's August now and I finally scheduled a D&E for tomorrow morning. I know, I'm a nurse why didn't I do this sooner? As much as I believe in the wonders of medicine I wanted so badly to do this naturally. I also think now that I'm finally ready to let go.

I guess I'm mostly venting in this post, but I also am really struggling at work. For weeks and weeks I couldn't make it through a shift without running to the bathroom to cry. My bleeding has been awful too. It's been on and off for 3 months now. I have a really hard time with babies that are sick and withdrawling from drugs and sometimes I feel I can't adequately care for them and their mothers emotionally. Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can do this job but I truly love it so much.

I feel so lost and empty. Thanks for listening. My heart is broken for all of you and your losses.

DrKariC

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm still in the middle of a similar situation - I should be 8 wks but baby measured 6 with no hb, I'm bleeding and cramping but haven't miscarried yet. I'm a peds resident, so when I go to deliveries or see babies for well checks or worse see families that don't seem to really want their kids I just die more inside and I feel angry and jealous and it's just really hard. I hope that your d&c goes well and that having the physical part finished helps you start to heal emotionally.

cyntodd

I am so sorry. I am a nurse as well and although I am not an ob nurse I have to be around pregnant coworkers all day and it has been killing me. I think sometimes just the stress of taking care of others for 12 hours can be hard and then add the pregos to that. I found out at 12w3d that my baby stopped growing at 10w6d. It devastated me and 5 weeks now post D&C I am still so sad. My coworkers bellies are growing and they are feeling their babies move....planning baby showers and here I am lost and empty inside. I cant imagine being an ob nurse. I hope your procedure goes well and you can find a way to finally grieve the loss of your sweet baby. Prayers for you.

DanyTargaryen

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not a nurse so I can't really give any advice, but I cry at commercials showing pregnancies or births right now so I can't imagine being around it in person every day. So many hugs for you.

laralen02

I feel your pain. I am a pediatric ICU nurse. I miscarried 3 weeks ago. Going back to work has been TOUGH. I see non accidental trauma babies (shaken babies), toddlers left in the car in 100+ degree heat, trisomy 13 babies on palliative care, etc, etc. As well as all the beautiful well-loved newborns with loving parents. It's painful. And EVERYONE at work knows I was pregnant (morning sickness is not discreet in the nursing profession!), and keeps asking me how I am. I have no advice. I love my job, but this just sucks. I'm trying to detach myself from personal feelings as much as possible. I have no advice, but please know that I feel your pain.

cammlyn

So many prayers for you.

I am also an RN and I work peds/med surg. We get babies and children that just will break your heart. That I just want to take home and love. And parents I just want to scream and let them know just what I would give up to have my sweet little life back.

There are still days since my surgery in may that I just want/have to go to the break room or bathroom and just lose it. But I am slowly learning how to detach myself from my personal feelings. Some days it's still just to much.