Infertility

Back so soon (BFP and loss mentioned)

AshKazmiAshKazmi member
edited August 2015 in Infertility
After two years and two months of TTC (me-PCOS DH-low morphology) I finally got my BFP on June 30th after my final round of clomid and IUI. Unlike other people I don't get excited to test after the TWW, honestly I dread it. Seeing that one line month after month kills me. Anyways, when I saw that faint second line I didn't believe it. I googled false positives...I even called the number on the box to see if I did it right (even though I've obviously taken them a zillion times). After each beta it became more and more exciting for me. I was thrilled, scared and an array of other emotions I can't even name. Then at my third viability scan my biggest fear was recognized. My baby had stopped growing. On Monday I was told I should be nine weeks, but my baby had stopped growing at six weeks and died. Yesterday I miscarried.

I feel so lost and alone. My dh is so optimistic still and to be honest it's kind of annoying that I'm grieving so deeply and he doesn't appear to be. Our next step on our infertility path wad IVF, but I'm plagued with fear that I'll lose the next baby too or that it will fail.

I'm not even sure what I want to hear, but I know I don't want people to keep telling me I'll get pregnant again and I'll get a baby. First off because they don't know that and neither do I. Second off that doesn't change that I had a baby and it died.
Married February 2012 TTC 2 years 4 months Diagnosis: PCOS and dh low morphology 1 MC at 9 weeks

Re: Back so soon (BFP and loss mentioned)

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. I wish you the strength to overcome this. I know this hurts even more that your husband isn't grieving the same way as you, but remember we all grieve differently and the connection you had with your baby is different and people can not relate to that. I wish I had some comforting words. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better. I just wish you all the best!
    Me - 32 
    Husband - 32
    TTC #1 - since 10/16/2012 
    IVF#1 6/2015 BFN 
    FET 7/2015 - BFP


      Pregnancy Ticker
  • I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure the pain is terrible. I am sending prayers for you. 
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  • I am so very sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing I can say to make it okay or make it better.

    Me: 31

    DH: 29, SA - Great

    Married: June 12,2011

    TTC #1: 1/2014

    Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

    Treatment: Clomid:  50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored

                      Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI  IUI #1 8/31/2015

    9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!
    Heartbeat 10/2/2015: 118bpm
    DS: 5/27/2016

    TTC# 2: 12/2017
    BFP: 4/20/2018
    EDD: 12/29/2018
  • So sorry for your loss. Sending prayers your way.
  • I'm so sorry @AshKazmi. I also have PCOS and husband has low morphology. And yes, I dread the end of the 2ww and have no desire to test early and see another BFN. This is your terrible, individual experience, but you aren't alone. We are all here to support as we can, especially when loved ones struggle to find the right things to say from the outside... I hope whatever you need to get through this comes to you.
  • Thank you ladies for your kind words. They mean a lot to me right now.
    Married February 2012 TTC 2 years 4 months Diagnosis: PCOS and dh low morphology 1 MC at 9 weeks
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