When to have baby shower? — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

When to have baby shower?

So my sister is throwing me a shower, but wants to wait till a month after the baby is born so my mom can be there. I'm trying bit to be picky but I really want it before. I want to have everything ready and I'm not sure how I feel about everyone wanting to touch my month old.

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  • I mean, meet the baby events aren't that uncommon and the baby would probably have no idea what's going on (they sleep a LOT, haha) but it's still a little nerve-wracking to have a bunch of people pass your teeny baby around. I would just be firm that you need it to happen before baby comes or not at all.
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  • I may be a bit of a germaphobe, but I would not want a gathering of people around my 1 month old. Everyone will of course want to "see" the baby. And by "see the baby" they will mean touch his/her hands (which baby puts in their mouth), touch their cute little cheeks, kiss him/her, etc etc.
    You think people with colds or illness are smart enough to stay home and far away from your baby? Often times, nope!
    As recommended, I don't have any visitors have contact with my newborn unless up to date on their whooping cough and flu vaccine. That would be awkward to ask of shower guests!

    But germs aside, I got so much of the baby supplies I needed at my shower. And the things I didn't receive, I had time to purchase and prep before baby was here and needed them.
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  • I'm in the south and we have sip and see's a lot around here. It's a pretty common practice. There isn't a lot of passing the baby around, mostly the mother hangs out with her friends who bring gifts and they all peer in at the baby. It's a pretty formal thing. As far as waiting until after the baby is born to have your actual shower, I wouldn't feel comfortable. Especially if there are things you would be getting from the shower that you would need immediately after the baby is born i.e. carseat, bottles/breastfeeding items. I would respectfully ask your sister to mover the shower to before the baby is due to arrive. I'm sorry that your mom wouldn't be able to make it doing it that way, but it makes more sense. 

     
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  • Out of curiousity- why can't your mom be there earlier? 

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  • Is this your first baby? If so, I would definitely do it before because there are things you will need. I mean a one month old doesn't need a lot but still, it's nice to be able to get things situation and take stock of what you still need. If it's not your first, I would do the sip and see but only if it is small. If there will be a lot of people I think it's a bit much with a newborn. Also, keep in mind, at that point baby will not be protected from things like whooping cough and flu, so having lots of people around is a risk.




    wisco29Timmysgal02
  • Like pp have said
    1. You will need stuff for the baby well before a month after the baby is born. We got our stroller car seat set for our shower... Obviously need that before!

    2. So many germs in the winter!
    Timmysgal02
  • 4N6s4N6s member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Tell her you want it before and you could do a sip and see or something after when you're mom is there.
  • We are having ours in November. Our family rotates who hosts thanksgiving each year and this year was us. We live hours from any family so everyone agreed they would much rather have it be then and not have to worry about snow closer to due date. I wouldn't want all the winter germs around my baby.
  • With my first, my mom threw a shower when I was 7 months pregnant, and my mother-in-law threw a meet-the-baby party after, and both were wonderful and had it's pros and cons. But, if you are just having the one, I would rather have it before. It's nice to have all the gifts ready and organized!!!
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  • Question: is your mom the one that wants the shower after the baby arrives or is that just your sister trying to be nice and include your mom? If it's your sister trying to be nice, I would say talk to your mom. She obviously has had at least 2 kids and knows the importance of being prepared/organized. I understand it will suck not to have your mom there, but this is one of those situations where you have to put you and the baby first. Maybe your mom can help you sell the idea of a shower before the baby arrives to your sister?!
    PaniaO
  • This makes me wonder... Are there any rules about who can/should throw you a shower? I heard that family members shouldn't host wedding showers but what about baby showers?
  • Erinka said:

    This makes me wonder... Are there any rules about who can/should throw you a shower? I heard that family members shouldn't host wedding showers but what about baby showers?

    That's an outdated rule. I've only know the mom of the bride or mom of the "mom-to-be" to throw a shower. Showers cost a lot of money, so I don't know anyone but the mom that'd pay for it. If someone else does, they're really generous. I mean there's the venue, the meal, the bar tab, the decorations/flowers, the favors, invitations, etc.

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  • camusoh2011camusoh2011 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited August 2015
    This makes me wonder... Are there any rules about who can/should throw you a shower? I heard that family members shouldn't host wedding showers but what about baby showers?
    That's an outdated rule. I've only know the mom of the bride or mom of the "mom-to-be" to throw a shower. Showers cost a lot of money, so I don't know anyone but the mom that'd pay for it. If someone else does, they're really generous. I mean there's the venue, the meal, the bar tab, the decorations/flowers, the favors, invitations, etc.
    I paid for and threw my SIL's shower with my nephew, and she in turn hosted and threw mine. I don't think there are really any "rules" per say. Also keep in mind that these things don't need to be crazy outlandish. I booked a room, had a cake made, put together some snacks and decorations, invitations, and a few sentimental things to have everyone who attended contribute to. She had it at her home, did cake and snacks, and everyone had a great time. If you hit a point where nobody has offered, maybe ask a friend to help you plan it. There's nothing wrong with that either.

    ETA: Typo

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  • Realized I didn't answer the OP. I would do as PP have said. Just let them know that you're really grateful for anything they would like to plan, but in order for you to feel prepared (and especially not overwhelmed once baby is here) you'd really prefer to do it before baby arrives. My family had said they would do the same thing for my first (a shower after he was here) and then it never happened. People just got too busy and life got in the way. It was disappointing and we scrambled to get some of the things we still needed.

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  • Erinka said:

    This makes me wonder... Are there any rules about who can/should throw you a shower? I heard that family members shouldn't host wedding showers but what about baby showers?

    That's an outdated rule. I've only know the mom of the bride or mom of the "mom-to-be" to throw a shower. Showers cost a lot of money, so I don't know anyone but the mom that'd pay for it. If someone else does, they're really generous. I mean there's the venue, the meal, the bar tab, the decorations/flowers, the favors, invitations, etc.

    I paid for and threw my SIL's shower with my nephew, and she in turn hosted and threw mine. I don't think there are really any "rules" per say. Also keep in mind that these things don't need to be crazy outlandish. I booked a room, had a cake made, put together some snacks and decorations, invitations, and a few sentimental things to have everyone who attended contribute to. She had it at her home, did cake and snacks, and everyone had a great time. If you hit a point where nobody has offered, maybe ask a friend to help you plan it. There's nothing wrong with that either.

    ETA: Typo


    Definitely nothing wrong with anyone throwing you a shower - that was really generous of you :)

    I've just only known mothers to throw because everyone does things over the top where I'm from. Ever seen an ice sculpture of a big ol cross before at a christening party thrown in a wedding hall? Because, I have! Lol

    Point is, I think the rules for who should throw you a shower are outdated - as long as you're not throwing it for yourself, you're fine :)

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  • Definitely nothing wrong with anyone throwing you a shower - that was really generous of you :) I've just only known mothers to throw because everyone does things over the top where I'm from. Ever seen an ice sculpture of a big ol cross before at a christening party thrown in a wedding hall? Because, I have! Lol Point is, I think the rules for who should throw you a shower are outdated - as long as you're not throwing it for yourself, you're fine :)
    I half agree with you. I just wanted to point out that not all showers need to be over the top. IE: feel free to forgo the ice sculpture. I also don't see any reason you couldn't throw it yourself if you really felt the need to, but that could just be me. 

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    wisco29
  • Ok good to know. I wasn't sure.

    Erinka said:

    This makes me wonder... Are there any rules about who can/should throw you a shower? I heard that family members shouldn't host wedding showers but what about baby showers?

    That's an outdated rule. I've only know the mom of the bride or mom of the "mom-to-be" to throw a shower. Showers cost a lot of money, so I don't know anyone but the mom that'd pay for it. If someone else does, they're really generous. I mean there's the venue, the meal, the bar tab, the decorations/flowers, the favors, invitations, etc.
  • I wouldn't want a lot of people around my newborn.

    I'll be doing mine after the new years that should definitely give enough time to decorate appropriately for the new arrival.
  • Showers don't have to be that expensive. MIL's sister threw my baby shower with my first and it was lovely. It was in her home, they made decorations, there was no alcohol (I don't know one single person that absolutely expects alcohol at a baby shower, that's crazy), and the food was simple but still delicious. I've never been to a shower that wasn't at someone's home or in a city park.

    But yes, it is still tacky as hell to throw your own baby shower (even if a friend is "helping you"). I don't know anyone that would necessarily side-eye your mom or MIL for throwing it for you, but please don't throw your own or ask someone to throw one for you. A shower is a gift, not a right.
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  • I live in NY so with the holidays and weather we decided on the first week in December. I've heard the third trimester can be really tough so a little early is good. My cousin had her first a month early the day before her shower. I'd hate that to happen.



  • Definitely nothing wrong with anyone throwing you a shower - that was really generous of you :)

    I've just only known mothers to throw because everyone does things over the top where I'm from. Ever seen an ice sculpture of a big ol cross before at a christening party thrown in a wedding hall? Because, I have! Lol

    Point is, I think the rules for who should throw you a shower are outdated - as long as you're not throwing it for yourself, you're fine :)

    I half agree with you. I just wanted to point out that not all showers need to be over the top. IE: feel free to forgo the ice sculpture. I also don't see any reason you couldn't throw it yourself if you really felt the need to, but that could just be me. 

    Ice sculptures really don't belong anywhere

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  • Just check out Pinterest for baby shower ideas...no need for a bar tab or to spend boat loads of money!!

    If you're going to spend that much money just forget the shower and use the money to go buy your baby everything it needs.

    camusoh2011
  • edited August 2015
    Definite doesn't need to be over the top but at least have some wine (for those who aren't pregnant) - showers are boring! Amirite?

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