Jerk!!! — The Bump
November 2015 Moms

Jerk!!!

So my SO and I are currently on a road trip. Having an honestly wonderful time when out of no where he's like 'please go back to the gym after you have our baby.' Like wtf!!!!!! Yeah I use to work out everyday and was in super good shape and all this but jesus. I don't think he meant to say it like that but it was totally out of the blue and caught me off guard. Ass
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oorl11052015

Re: Jerk!!!

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  • My DH says things like that too... Or he thinks that I could be going running and doing all my "normal" activities still. I just think he really doesn't understand what this whole pregnant thing feels like. And I think he means well because he thinks doing "normal" things would make me feel better/normal. I'm a FTM but IMO, his world will also change drastically once the baby is here and that's when things will hit him. Good luck... I know it's hard to hear those kinds of comments.
  • Hopefully he meant it as "please don't feel like you can only be mommy once the LO arrives, I'd love it if you got back to doing the things you loved but havent felt up to while sacrificing your sense of self to carry our child". Yep, thats how I'm goimg to interpret it, because otherwise dude would now be sporting an impressive black eye...

    Haha, just think how many relationship issues could be avoided if you were there to interpret @FilbertTree ! I could use you at my house sometimes (my DH is very sweet and sensitive, but does not always think before he speaks.).

    I think @JStill0603 is right, guys sometimes don't really "get it" until the baby is actually here. Hopefully your guy will realize that that was really insensitive and won't make any more comments like that!
    VexedMommyWeddingNotes13
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  • Awww,

    Talk about a buzzkill. Maybe he wasn't serious. My husband likes to joke around a lot about the changes going on with my body too. I don't think men fully understand how sensitive we are and that it really hurts our feelings. Tell him you're already going through new emotions and dealing with your new body insecurities, he doesn't need to add to it. That's what I tell mine when he thinks he's being cute or funny. Feel better, your husband is not the only jerk. We're all dealing with our own jerks. 

      FTM due 11/06/2015
    Married 09/21/2013
    eilykylie
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  • kwaldykwaldy member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm going to say, chances are, your SO wasn't thinking before he spoke. Sometimes they'll say things that they think are funny and harmless, but deep down the statements dig at us, but our other halves just don't realize it.
    I'm hoping he meant it the way @FilbertTree said it!
  • My fiance has said before something along the lines of "i hope your body bounces back after" which pissed me off at first but i know hes just an idiot and doeant realize whats coming out of his mouth. Hes never been cruel to me or anything like that so it wasnt a huge concern but it definitely is a sting when youre growing a human for that person
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  • kmd91kmd91 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments 5 Answers First Anniversary
    My husband makes similar comments, things like "I'm gonna bust your mommy's butt at the gym after she has the baby" said to the dogs and things of that nature. In his defense I know it's because he knows I'm uncomfortable with the weight gain and lacking confidence in my body, so to him it's like he's on my team. Team get my body back so I can feel happy about myself. But when he says things like that it definitely doesn't feel that way.
  • Also the women in his family gained an unnecessary amount of weight during there pregnancys and never lost it just gained more after and theyre always telling me i should gain the same amount of weight as them in my pregnancy so i yhink that bothers him.. As sad as it is your man does want you to still be a hotty not just give up on yourself becauae youre a mom
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  • I would like to say they do eventually get it. This is Baby 3 and after similar comments before both of our boys were born Dh finally got it right and asked me if I wanted to go back to the gym after baby is born lol. He had a super puzzled look on his face like he was preparing for the backlash but hoping he got it right. Lol.
    elbou
  • I really wish that doctors/midwives provided a weighted pregnancy suit to men and required them to wear it from their SO's first appointment until the second appointment.  It wouldn't convey the hormonal stuff going on, but it would at least help them realize some of the physical issues. 
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




    kmkrushiwulfpackgirlnursewhomtk612
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  • I have referred to myself as a land manatee or whale. Unfortunately my husband thought this was so funny that he repeats it fairly often, and then I want to hit him. When I yelled at him, he laughed and told me that it's funny; in his view I am just pregnant, still sexy, and just thinks it's funny. Men!!
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  • tayzavtayzav member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    My boyfriend says the opposite. I'm usually the one whining about how "fat" I've gotten and how I'm never gonna have my old body back and my SO just says "oh you'll bounce right back." OK he clearly doesn't know what having a baby can do to your body. He also doesn't believe stretch marks are genetic and it's all in how much IIIII lotion up beforehand. Gahhhhh! He's in for a rude awakening if and when I start to get stretch marks and the weight doesn't just magically disappear the second I deliver. Only plus is we've, for now, got my gym time all worked out, so luckily he supports me at least trying to lose it all. I think he just thinks that times gonna be for toning back up opposed to actually working to lose the extra poundage. Sometimes I really just don't think they fully understand what we're going through.
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  • I think @modanz1 's husband should give lessons to other husbands! Last night my husband called me a hippopotamus. I know he was joking, but still. You just don't say that, even if I gain more than I'm supposed to. Men in general can be such idiots and clueless about how something they say, as innocent as they intend for it to be, affects us.
    modanz1tayzavlakesideknitter
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  • Ugh!! Husbands can be so insensitive. My belly was sore last night so I lifted my shirt to rub it while I was talking to my husband. He interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to say "Can you put your shirt down, I can't talk to you with your belly right there". I was speechless. Like how about I stop talking so I can bitch slap you?

  • kmd91kmd91 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments 5 Answers First Anniversary
    ElleMF728 said:

    Some of these comments are pretty gross (not the jokes obviously...I can take a joke as well as the next girl).  If I were some of you I would point out that its really sweet that DH is offering to spend so much time alone, watching the baby while I'm at the gym working on that hot mom bod.  Especially since 6-8 pm is typically prime witching hour.   


    As far as going to the gym together, assuming that this is intended to occur several evenings a week, exactly who is supposed to be taking care of LO during this time? 


    This is exactly what I told my husband as far as us going to the gym together. And also when I said I was going to try and work out a bunch while he is gone for a month and a half and he said something about me going to the gym. I don't think he necessarily fully realizes how different our life is going to be once baby is here. He will literally always be here, so doing things that can't include baby are a bit more problematic. Especially since I know I won't trust anyone watching him, haha.
    ElleMF728
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  • kmkrushi said:
    Oh I'm so stabby right now! This is such a huge part if what is wrong in the world right now!!! My FIL has been telling my MIL for years "I didn't marry a fat woman so you better not become one". Then she passes this body shaming on to my SIL, who will hopefully not pass it along to my niece (who at 2 already is having eating issues due mostly to acid reflux). I have no issues with wanting to be healthy, or even wanting your partner or family to be healthier by eating right and working out. But the idea of forcing your body to an unnatural shape to make someone else happy is just sick.
    Not to mention, don't these men realize that even if you marry a super model who bounces right back after birth, that there's this thing called AGING.  Your wife isn't going to look like that forever and hopefully you married her for who she is.  If I heard my FIL say that to my MIL I would be hard pressed to not say something to him.
    YCSWU 



    thefithuntressLinMmmmnursewho
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  • jesshock22jesshock22 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    edited July 2015
    ElleMF728 said:

    Some of these comments are pretty gross (not the jokes obviously...I can take a joke as well as the next girl).  If I were some of you I would point out that its really sweet that DH is offering to spend so much time alone, watching the baby while I'm at the gym working on that hot mom bod.  Especially since 6-8 pm is typically prime witching hour.   


    As far as going to the gym together, assuming that this is intended to occur several evenings a week, exactly who is supposed to be taking care of LO during this time? 

    Our gym has a free daycare and you can start bringing your baby there at 3 months. The ladies that work in there from what I hear from my friends with kids are great!

    Edit: spelling
    tayzav
  • My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship, and her mom has 2 other kiddos. She is a freak of nature... No stretch marks, no baby pooch, nothing. No evidence what so ever she has 3 kids. Makes me sick honestly. I told my husband when we found out I was pregnant that he better not expect me to be like that because I won't be. I may or may not have stretch marks. And I will look like I have a baby belly for a while after baby is born. Guys just don't get it.
  •     
  • Some of these comments are pretty gross (not the jokes obviously...I can take a joke as well as the next girl).  If I were some of you I would point out that its really sweet that DH is offering to spend so much time alone, watching the baby while I'm at the gym working on that hot mom bod.  Especially since 6-8 pm is typically prime witching hour.   

    As far as going to the gym together, assuming that this is intended to occur several evenings a week, exactly who is supposed to be taking care of LO during this time? 

    Our gym has a free daycare and you can start bringing your baby there at 3 months. The ladies that work in there from what I hear from my friends with kids are great! Edit: spelling
    Ours does too after a certain age but you have to call in advance to reserve a spot.  It just rubs me the wrong way that some of these husbands seem so worried about the way their wives are going to look after making and giving birth to a human being.  




     
    oorl11052015thefithuntressjesshock22lakesideknitter
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  • @nursewho where can I sign my husband up for that?! Lol I really think it would maybe put things into perspective for him!
    oorl11052015nursewho
  • Men! Shesh! Update. I just kind of huffed and stopped talking to him and after a few minutes he must have clued in and apologized saying he totally worded that wrong and he just meant he wants us to be able to do the things we loved before and blah blah. Honestly I think he was just covering but at least he tried. It doesn't help when he says things like that at all..especially when we are going on a road trip to go to the beach! Oh yeah I really want to wear my bikini now. Sigh. I wish you ladies the best and know you are not alone with our sometimes insensitive silly men.
    image
    modanz1cfletch88
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  • nursewho said:

    @VexedMommy my husband got to wear something like that for a little bit and they made him try to tie his shoes. He said "wow, you've got it hard, babe." He's been much more sympathetic!

    Yup my husband needs one so bad lol and he won't be able to feel the jumping on the bladder or the really hard kicks but if I could get him to realize the simple things become harder to do I will be satisfied!!!
    nursewho
  • rbradshaw77rbradshaw77 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2015
    I have to say, DH only complimented me after I gained 55lbs with DS1 one, I ended up only losing around 30 of it, but I was majorly underweight when we met. Last night he commented that I was getting a few little stretch marks on my love handles and I had to remind him that they're from DS1. If he ever tells me to work out or eat healthy, I may take a hack saw to his man parts. Then he won't have to worry about me gaining or losing weight.
    lakesideknitteroorl11052015modanz1
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  • ajmm886 said:

    My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship, and her mom has 2 other kiddos. She is a freak of nature... No stretch marks, no baby pooch, nothing. No evidence what so ever she has 3 kids. Makes me sick honestly. I told my husband when we found out I was pregnant that he better not expect me to be like that because I won't be. I may or may not have stretch marks. And I will look like I have a baby belly for a while after baby is born. Guys just don't get it.

    Yep. That's how my MIL is after five kids. SO is in for a rude awakening if he expects that from me.
    oorl11052015modanz1
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  • Gapeach83 said:
    My uncle was horrible about body shaming every woman in the family. It caused tons of problems with my aunts and actually caused them to grow apart. He has since passed away and they have all rekindled there relationship. He would talk about all our weight. You would have to ignore him but it still hurt. My aunt I feel still has eating issues due to his emotional abuse she only eats once a day. My DH only met him once and didn't like him. Once he heard the stories he said if he says anything to you I will punch him. We stopped going over and visiting because of this.
    My father is very similar.  He was a Marine and physical fitness was important to him.  However, it went beyond physical fitness and he passed judgment on all women's bodies commenting on breasts, waist, hips, thighs of girls starting before they'd even hit puberty.  I know I have massive body image issues due to it.
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




    oorl11052015Gapeach83
  • My DH always joked that I had a year to lose all the baby weight after children or we would divorce... It's a joke but being all emotional as I am I take it personally at times. Sorry SO is being a jerk to you ladies
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  • KeHill08 said:

    @nursewho where can I sign my husband up for that?! Lol I really think it would maybe put things into perspective for him!

    They had it at the labor class at the hospital (which was free). I loooove that the instructors had him try to tie his shoes and lay down and try to get up again. They had to help him up. It was so great! He's really supportive and understanding anyway but even more so now!
    oorl11052015
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