Bad luck (trigger )

babymakes8ofus

my brothers son passed away two days before his due date. He was perfect. It was one of the hardest things I had to witness as my brother carried his first sons casket to be buried. That was in 2001. To honer his memory we were thinking if we have a boy we could us his name as first or middle name. His name was Andrew Anthony. We are thinking Jacob Andrew vice versa Would this be bad luck?

DrillSergeantCat

It wouldn't be bad luck, but I would definitely ask your brother his feelings on this before you settle on a name. He may not want to hear about your Andrew getting to do all the things his Andrew doesn't.

mandym4

I don't think it is bad luck but, I would talk to your brother and sil about it and try and get a read on their feelings. It may be hard for them to watch a little boy grow up with the name of their child who passed. Maybe as a middle name would be better? I actually read a thread a while ago addressing this topic from the woman's perspective whose child had passed and she was very upset and felt that her child's name should be untouchable as it was a very painful experience.

miss071311

I lost my daughter shortly after she was born and have thought about this topic a few times as my DH and I both come from big families and someone is always pregnant.  If one of our siblings chose to use our daughter's name as their daughter's middle name as a way to remember our daughter, I would love it.  If they chose to use it as a first name, I would have a hard time with it... although I know I would get over it in time. 

I would ask your brother how he feels about the situation, but I would definitely make sure to NOT mention that you feel naming your son after his son could potentially be bad luck. 

babymakes8ofus

Thanks guys. To replace him is never my intention just want to honor him. I will definitely asked before we make that decision.

wisco29

Ask and then maybe use the first name as a middle name even if he agrees

I would not just ask him I would ask his wife!!! Women are more aware or feel more about things like this.

If it were me I would NOT want to hear that name over and over again! Middle name would be more honorable

notasycophant

OP, I agree that it's better to consult with your family.
Would you mind adding a " trigger warning" to your thread title. It can be disconcerting for some of the moms. Hope you find a way to honour your nephew.

Edited-grammar.

g8trkim

OP, I agree that it's better to consult with your family. Would you mind adding a " trigger warning" to your thread title. It can be disconcerting for some of the moms. Hope you find a way to honour your nephew. Edited-grammar.

Agreed about adding "trigger warning."

Definitely ask before. I wouldn't worry about bad luck, but I think using the name could be very tough for them. If I was in their shoes, I don't think I would be comfortable with someone using the name even though I would appreciate the sentiment.

Edit to add: please don't use the same first name. I think that's a bit much. I would use it in the MN spot.

Shatzegirl

I think it would be so sweet and thoughtful to use his name as a middle name. What a nice way to remember and honor him by. I don't think it would be bad luck. Like the others said, I'd talk to them about it first though.

babymakes8ofus

I am sorry if I offended any one. I don't know what trigger means and I did not know I had to put in title.

babymakes8ofus

Thanks for your advice guys. Sorry if I offended any one

g8trkim

babymakes8ofus said:

I am sorry if I offended any one. I don't know what trigger means and I did not know I had to put in title.

It's just a good idea to add it to the title since it mentions losing a baby. It's hard for some of the ladies with similar experiences.

You can edit your original post and add (trigger warning) to the end of the thread title.

RRC216

Eeek. Heart is in a good place but ask your brother first. Maybe as a middle name but not first. That's "his" sons name. It might be a slap in the face. I'd definitely ask him out of respect. I personally would be angry if my sister's used my sons name who passed.

purpletulip

Like the other ladies said, ask your brother first. I would personally take using it as the first name off the table and only ask him about using your nephews name as a middle name.
I've never thought about this situation, but I lost my son and hearing/seeing his name (not a common name) the few times that I have has been very difficult.
Using it as a first name would seem disrespectful somehow but as a middle name would be honoring.

Miss Lilac

I think middle name is appropriate, but not first. If the child was still alive would you use it as a first name? A middle name? Carrying to term for them would feel like their child was a big part of their lives and I feel like using it as a first name, when it's kind of already been used, would be strange.