Hiring a nanny?

Kwest1007

Had anyone hired or are thinking of hiring a nanny for their LO? I unfortunately will not be taking too much time off from work; possibly 4-6weeks depending on the health of me and the baby. I plan to hire a nanny to be at our home with the baby (and our dog) to make sure the needs of them both, are met. As the time gets closer to her arrival, I'm starting to feel anxious about not only leaving her, but also leaving her with one designated person all the time. I guess most of the anxiety is that she'll be bonding with another woman 30-40hrs/week (hoping that I don't go back to my 50hr workweek). I'm glad she'll have the security of the same person but I suppose it's my insecurity, I'll be replaced. Not sure if it's the preggo hormones or what. Anyone else have any experience with this? Also, daycare really isn't an option for us at this time.

Miz_Liz

I didn't personally, last time DS went to Day Care and this time I am a SAHM, but if I were in your shoes I would start looking now (check out care.com) so you have plenty of time to interview, check references, and maybe have them come and spend some time with you while you're home on maternity leave so that you get more comfortable. I wouldn't worry about being replaced, if there is one thing I learned last time when I was working insane hours when DS was in Day Care, no one can take the place of Momma and they are beyond thrilled to see you every single time you get home - but the momma guilt is real and for me never went away.

Saratiff

No experience here. My MIL and step mom will be splitting my shifts at work. A small part of me worries that she will bond with them more than me but it's the best option for us and our baby. I feel very blessed that I can keep her out of day care as long as possible

Kwest1007

Miz_Liz said:

I didn't personally, last time DS went to Day Care and this time I am a SAHM, but if I were in your shoes I would start looking now (check out care.com) so you have plenty of time to interview, check references, and maybe have them come and spend some time with you while you're home on maternity leave so that you get more comfortable. I wouldn't worry about being replaced, if there is one thing I learned last time when I was working insane hours when DS was in Day Care, no one can take the place of Momma and they are beyond thrilled to see you every single time you get home - but the momma guilt is real and for me never went away.

We are pretty sure we know who will be our nanny (which helps w some of the anxiety about leaving her)!! You make a great point though about not being able to replace Momma!! I remember the same as being a kid; guess I just forgot that. Thanks for your kind words! I'm glad to be reminded I'm not the only one with mommy guilt.

ambercdc

We decided to do a nanny share with one other family. We have ahead signed a contract with her to start Jan 2016. Had great luck on care.com, found several candidates we really liked. I feel really good about having one person care for the girls rather than taking them to daycare, and I really love that I'll be able to see her a lot too as I work from home. I think a nanny is a terrific childcare option if you find a good one!

breezymeema7

Paging @CaliforniaDream87 you had a nanny for DS, yes?

Thj417

I plan to hire a nanny. I have the same fears and insecurities about it as well but, I have to work. I will probably do more co-sleeping with my #2 since I'll be away all day. I was lucky with #1 and hate the fact that I'll have to leave him as well. BUT, I feel more confident in one person than in a daycare so it's the best choice.

raelynch87

I was a nanny and I spent 9+ hours a day with babies.   No matter how close you are or how young they are when you start, there is no one like momma.  You can't be replaced.  If anything when you get home your LO will be even more excited to see you.  

Kwest1007

raelynch87 said:

I was a nanny and I spent 9+ hours a day with babies.   No matter how close you are or how young they are when you start, there is no one like momma.  You can't be replaced.  If anything when you get home your LO will be even more excited to see you.  

That's reassuring! Thanks!

desertmama2

Second the positive experiences on care.com. We had a nanny for over a year with DS. One bit of advice: maintain professional boundaries. With someone coming into your mom and caring for your child it's easy to blur lines and let it feel like someone is a part of your family. That feeling came natural to us and worked for the most part until I found it difficult to express concerns and let things build up. I'm not saying you should micro manage but be sure whoever you hire is comfortable taking direction and having an open and honest dialogue.

Kwest1007

desertmama2 said:

Second the positive experiences on care.com. We had a nanny for over a year with DS. One bit of advice: maintain professional boundaries. With someone coming into your mom and caring for your child it's easy to blur lines and let it feel like someone is a part of your family. That feeling came natural to us and worked for the most part until I found it difficult to express concerns and let things build up. I'm not saying you should micro manage but be sure whoever you hire is comfortable taking direction and having an open and honest dialogue.

desertmama2 said:

Second the positive experiences on care.com. We had a nanny for over a year with DS. One bit of advice: maintain professional boundaries. With someone coming into your mom and caring for your child it's easy to blur lines and let it feel like someone is a part of your family. That feeling came natural to us and worked for the most part until I found it difficult to express concerns and let things build up. I'm not saying you should micro manage but be sure whoever you hire is comfortable taking direction and having an open and honest dialogue.

I think that's great advice! One reason we are picking someone we know through the grapevine, yet someone we haven't been personally invested in. Husband and I have been trying to determine what kind of line we want to draw when it comes to her "being part of the family" and "after work" hours. We are very welcoming people and I do worry about getting too comfortable with her for the same reasons you expressed.

GirlOnTheBeach

I used to be a teacher but quit to become a nanny. I can't say enough positive things about care.com, it's awesome!

From a nanny's perspective: I have watched the same two girls for three years now and we are very bonded and close. I know all their friends, go to all their school events/recitals etc. As close as we are, I'm still not their mom ;-) Even when I've cared for infants all day, everyday, they still know who mom and dad are, and they're always happy to see mom come home everyday. It's really nice though for the kids to have someone they can bond with watching them. It makes their life feel stable and have a predictable routine.

I will say that as a parent, if I were hiring someone as a nanny, I would probably get a nanny cam unless I really knew them well. I always assume I'm on a nanny cam (no idea if I am or not) but I think they are great because babies can't tell you if something bad is going on. I would absolutely respect a parent who used one and I think that would give me some peace of mind if I was the parent (especially in the beginning)!

Also, don't be afraid of communicating. I hate it when a parent doesn't tell me if I'm doing something they'd rather me do differently. I like being good at my job and making people happy while lowering their stress, so I prefer to know how they want things done so I can accomplish that. Plus, consistency is so great for kids, so if they have mom and dad doing things one way, and me doing it another way, it can cause confusion.

Kwest1007

GirlOnTheBeach said:

I used to be a teacher but quit to become a nanny. I can't say enough positive things about care.com, it's awesome!

From a nanny's perspective: I have watched the same two girls for three years now and we are very bonded and close. I know all their friends, go to all their school events/recitals etc. As close as we are, I'm still not their mom ;-) Even when I've cared for infants all day, everyday, they still know who mom and dad are, and they're always happy to see mom come home everyday. It's really nice though for the kids to have someone they can bond with watching them. It makes their life feel stable and have a predictable routine.

I will say that as a parent, if I were hiring someone as a nanny, I would probably get a nanny cam unless I really knew them well. I always assume I'm on a nanny cam (no idea if I am or not) but I think they are great because babies can't tell you if something bad is going on. I would absolutely respect a parent who used one and I think that would give me some peace of mind if I was the parent (especially in the beginning)!

Also, don't be afraid of communicating. I hate it when a parent doesn't tell me if I'm doing something they'd rather me do differently. I like being good at my job and making people happy while lowering their stress, so I prefer to know how they want things done so I can accomplish that. Plus, consistency is so great for kids, so if they have mom and dad doing things one way, and me doing it another way, it can cause confusion.

That is all wonderful advice! It's nice to hear from the nanny's perspective too!! Thank you for your input! :-)

CaliforniaDream87

You've received great advice so far. I've had the same nanny since my son was 4 months old. At first, I had the same fears. I would be so sad when he hit a milestone and she got to witness it before I did. But after a while it was ok. My son loves her but when I walk in the room-he knows who his mom is. Don't worry so will your baby. I've had a great experience with having a nanny and wouldn't change it for the world. GL to you!

JNOVA2015

@kwest1007 - I'm genuinely curious - now that you seem to have decided to become an active member and posted a slew of questions, new posts, and comments over the past few days, how are you enjoying all the helpful advice from all these women you said are hateful meanies?  It's almost like they are actually nice people who are happy to answer new or thoughtful questions, and just don't have patience for newcomers who ask the same questions that someone has posed 150 million times already....imagine that!

Kwest1007

JNOVA2015 said:

@kwest1007 - I'm genuinely curious - now that you seem to have decided to become an active member and posted a slew of questions, new posts, and comments over the past few days, how are you enjoying all the helpful advice from all these women you said are hateful meanies?  It's almost like they are actually nice people who are happy to answer new or thoughtful questions, and just don't have patience for newcomers who ask the same questions that someone has posed 150 million times already....imagine that!

As I mentioned in my other post, I never said people were just horribly mean. I did mention how people provided encouraging support but that doesn't mean they also don't say mean or hurtful things. I still feel some of the posts/comments on this site are "catty", immature and ridiculous, but I've chosen to ignore them.

mhersch17

Just curious what are you all paying your nanny? We are going this route and want to make sure we are on target.

heath3er

We picked a nanny . God provides us with one. We didn't know who would watch LO and then a lady in our life group at church who is amazing and a woman who goes above and beyond to care for all children has accepted our offer.

I feel relieved because my family Inlaws and parents live 10hrs away and in another state. It's just our little family of 4 here!

GirlOnTheBeach

mhersch17 said:

Just curious what are you all paying your nanny? We are going this route and want to make sure we are on target.

That will vary hugely on where you live and how experienced you want your nanny to be. I have a degree, teaching certification, speak 4 languages, have CPR and first aid certifications, a reliable car, and have years of experience. My job pays me a salary that works out to be just a little less than what my teacher salary was but I only work part time most of the year. On the other hand, my friend who is 10 years younger than me and has some baby sitting experience and a GED and no car makes $4-$8 per hour and works full time. I work in a wealthy area and she works in a middle-income area.

Kwest1007

mhersch17 said:

Just curious what are you all paying your nanny? We are going this route and want to make sure we are on target.

That varies widely. The area I'm in, $10-$15/hr is typical starting rates for 1 child but it depends so much on their experience, skills and if you want them doing additional tasks. Some nannies will cook, clean, do pet care, etc.

mhersch17

Thank for the response! We are looking at a first time nanny that has worked in a daycare setting for 2 years oNo college degree - and we live in a lower income area - non suburban. We are asking her just to do normal duties of care for our son and then bottle cleaning/baby related cleanin and letting our dog out since she will be home with her. We are staring at an hourly range at 10$ and hour and then going up to a flat fee per month with anything over 40hours a week will give her a little extra. Our friends live in Chicago and pay 1000 a month and thought we had a reasonable rate based on our area and the experience she does / does not have.

GirlOnTheBeach

mhersch17 said:

Thank for the response! We are looking at a first time nanny that has worked in a daycare setting for 2 years oNo college degree - and we live in a lower income area - non suburban. We are asking her just to do normal duties of care for our son and then bottle cleaning/baby related cleanin and letting our dog out since she will be home with her. We are staring at an hourly range at 10$ and hour and then going up to a flat fee per month with anything over 40hours a week will give her a little extra. Our friends live in Chicago and pay 1000 a month and thought we had a reasonable rate based on our area and the experience she does / does not have.

To me, this sounds very reasonable! It's decent pay which will keep her happy, and a happy employee is a productive one ;-)