I don't want to hear that!!! — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I don't want to hear that!!!

I am new here and hate that this is where I have ended up but here I am. I had a MMC at 12w3d. I had just found out it was a baby boy and I was so excited. Went in for my 12 week check up and they found no hb. Devastated does not even describe how my husband and I felt. I also have a DD and DS so this was my third pregnancy and I never saw this coming! I am almost three weeks out from my D&C and it has not gotten much easier to handle. I am trying but it is killing me being around pregnant coworkers and my best friend is about to be a grandma. Yes she is ten years older than me. She is soooo exited and would never mean to hurt me but today she was gushing about feeling the baby kicking when she was with her daughter last night. Oh I held the tears in but I had a major breakdown after she left. Why can't I handle this yet?? I feel like I should be able to take this by now but I am still falling to peaces and I never know what is going to set me off. I hate feeling so sad all the time but I just kept thinking about how I could have been feeling my baby by now. Oh how this hurts....so sorry for the long rant.

Re: I don't want to hear that!!!

  • It is okay to rant. You are entitled to your feelings and what happened to you is difficult to deal with and can be traumatic. I suggest taking some time for yourself. Just straight up me time. No friends, no family, no hubby, just you. 1x a week just doing things for yourself. It may be difficult at first, but taking the time out to take care of you, is okay. It can also turn into something that you can do on a regular basis. Also, a diary may help to allow you to express your thoughts. Counseling can be helpful too and you can find someone who is a specialist on loss, who can give you coping mechanisms and help you to cognitively work through this time in your life with you.  
      On another note, I'm sure if you speak to your friend and let her know that right now, for your sanity and healing, you need to take a break from her grandma experience, she will understand. Just tell her you need a little time to get over this hump, before you can fully engage in the excitement. That you are overjoyed for her, but that you are still having a hard time and need to take baby steps. A friend would understand your feelings and respect that. I hope my comment helps. I apologize for it being a bit disorganized.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Oh my gosh, give yourself TIME. Seriously. It took me months to get over my first loss. I was 14 weeks with a seemingly healthy pg and had heard the hb on Doppler and had several successful u/s. Then bam out of nowhere no hb at a routine prenatal appt. it was my 2nd pg and we had DD1 already. It took me months to feel like myself again. Be gentle with yourself about the emotional recovery.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
  • Thank you so much. I am definitely struggling and learning that I am going to have to give my self boundaries and plenty of time to heal.
  • I'm going through my first MC right now... first pregnancy, it was a MMC discovered at my routine 12 week scan. My body still hasn't recognized what's happening so my doctor will be scheduling a D&C. My parents had already made the announcement to everyone as they were so excited for their first grandchild. We haven't told anyone yet, except my parents of course. I wish I had some advice for you, but rant all you need. Write down your feelings, that's been helpful for me so far. Whatever helps you cope. I think this is something that can only be fixed with time.

    I need to practice what I preach though because all I feel right now is bitterness and anger. I had to delete my facebook because I couldn't take all the baby pictures and pregnancy updates

  • I am sorry to hear that you are going through this too. It definitely has been a struggle but I am going to try counseling on Monday. Hoping it helps.
  • It def takes time. I'm about 10 weeks out from D&C and i feel like i'm drowning today. A coworker bestie thought it would be a good idea to tell me about her brother's pregnancy news in the middle of the work day. People just don't understand. 
  • I'm so, so sorry for your loss.  But as others have said, 3 weeks out is definitely not long at all, so it's totally normal to be an emotional mess.  While it DOES get better, this kind of loss will never go away completely.  My first miscarriage was a year and a half ago, and though I'm feeling pretty much back to normal overall and can talk about it openly with people, when I'm alone and really stop and remember what that time in my life was like, I still cry every single time.  

    The co-worker thing is the worst.  I totally get it  - I had a co-worker whose wife had twins only a few days from what would have been my due date.  I couldn't handle hearing about it either.  My advice is to be open with people and to explain that while you are happy for them, hearing about pregnancy is too much of a painful reminder for you at this point.  
  • It takes time.  So sorry for your loss.   It does get a little easier with time.  For me it has been about 21 or so weeks since the MC.  I'm nowhere near the same emotional mess I was at first.   I'm still emotional, but it's different than it was earlier this year.  It is a slow heal. 

    First Pregnancy
    • BFP: 01/25/2015
    • EDD: 09/28/2015
    • Incomplete MC: 02/28/2015

    Second Pregnancy

    • BFP: 09/11/2015
    • EDD: 05/25/2016
    Baby Born

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