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August 2015 Moms
mothernorth
member
Just Curious...
mothernorth
member
Did anybody else's SO go on a bizarre, adolescent party-boy rampage while you were/are pregnant? If so, did it subside and how did you handle it?
I feel like my man is going through an early midlife crisis, or is just really NOT ready for this baby... I would be a bit more understanding if he was younger and we weren't already raising a 7-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl, Christ get a grip man! This isn't our first go around and you're 32 for Pete's sake! It seems like the more I try to talk about it with him, the less he cares how I feel about his behavior. It IS getting in the way of our responsibilities as parents, our priorities and obligations as adults, our financial budget, and not to mention my own sanity.
I've tried to brush it off as a phase, but I'm seriously about to lose my cool... I have enough kids to care for, I don't need to add a full grown man-child to the list. It's stressing me out more than anything, and what stresses me out the most is this nagging thought in the back of mind saying it isn't a phase, and worrying that it's too much for him and he's going to either leave, or push me to the brink of leaving. Not the most cheery of topics, I apologize. Just seeking some feedback and it's getting hard dealing with it on my own.
I feel like my man is going through an early midlife crisis, or is just really NOT ready for this baby... I would be a bit more understanding if he was younger and we weren't already raising a 7-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl, Christ get a grip man! This isn't our first go around and you're 32 for Pete's sake! It seems like the more I try to talk about it with him, the less he cares how I feel about his behavior. It IS getting in the way of our responsibilities as parents, our priorities and obligations as adults, our financial budget, and not to mention my own sanity.
I've tried to brush it off as a phase, but I'm seriously about to lose my cool... I have enough kids to care for, I don't need to add a full grown man-child to the list. It's stressing me out more than anything, and what stresses me out the most is this nagging thought in the back of mind saying it isn't a phase, and worrying that it's too much for him and he's going to either leave, or push me to the brink of leaving. Not the most cheery of topics, I apologize. Just seeking some feedback and it's getting hard dealing with it on my own.
Re: Just Curious...
It's the worst when you express how you feel and it falls on deaf ears. Whatever happens just remember your children have to come first and if he's not going to be a proper father figure it's up to you to protect them. Good luck to you!!!
A little back history on us: This was a PLANNED pregnancy and we actually had to make an effort to concieve due to my strange, post-fitness-extremist cycles. So the both of us were well aware of what was to come and seemingly both prepared. BUT we were also doing great financially when we first became pregnant, I left my job and we were still doing awesome because he was making 5k+ a month on his own until... the bottom fell out of the oil industry and he got laid off.
After that, despite BOTH of us going back to work (not being able to find jobs that paid NEARLY what we were making together previously) we could no longer afford our home, lost it, moved in with my brother, my car was repossessed, and we recently moved ourselves into a small two bedroom trailer.
As the Alpha-Male type, I think he feels like a failure as a provider now and it's not JUST the stress of a new baby pushing him now, it's the stress of a new baby in an unanticipated financially unstable position. I think he has turned to this behavior as a crutch. I understand the psychology behind it, but I don't find it justified. I'm stressed out too, almost literally at my wits end, but I still do my damn best to keep it together, TRY to keep a budget going, and do everything in my power to try to improve our current situation. Quite frankly, I don't feel like he's pulling his weight. As some PPs have said, maybe he'll look at our new son when he's born and his switch will flip, but that would nearly offend me at this point... what about DS1? What about DD? What about me?
And it isn't something we haven't discussed before. It's something we discuss, he apologizes for, does okay for a week or two, then does it again and either finds an excuse for, or makes me feel like I'm some controlling old grandmother with a stick up my ass.
BUT, an ultimatum has been laid on the table. One more "episode" and I've already established my exit route... it's NOT what I want to do, but this isn't how I want to live or what I want my kids to see. This isn't their father, this is some twisted Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde monster man that I'm not familiar with. This relationship has become emotionally and borderline physically abusive. I halfway feel like some of things he does and says, he does intentionally to hurt me, and to see how far he can push me. I think he is unhappy and wants out, and is trying to make ME be the one who throws in the towel.
Sorry about this massive rant, I just don't want my friends or family to know what's going on here unless the unfortunate happens, but I needed to get it out somewhere. I hate to put my man on blast because I do honest to god love him and our family with all my heart, I've just never dealt with something like this before and it has been HARD to keep to myself this long... 6 months I've tried keeping it all in.