Sister In Law Drama — The Bump
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Sister In Law Drama

I personally made my invitation list for my baby shower. However, I didnt't send one to my sister in law (she's married to my husbands brother) for a good reason I believe. We haven't always had the best relationship and since I've gotten pregnant the relationship has only worsened.(ex. Not saying hi when she sees me and completely ignoring me) I wanted my baby shower to be comfortable for myself hence the reason I didn't invite her. But my MIL caught wind that I didn't invite her and made a big deal because she is 'family'. Was I in the wrong to not invite her?

Re: Sister In Law Drama

  • I'm with your MIL on this one. Have you tried talking to SIL to see what the problem is?
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  • Latina211508Latina211508 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2015
    I personally don't think you're in the wrong. Why invite someone who is disrespectful?! I wouldn't. She sounds rude. It's your shower! If she choses not to even be cordial then she has no right to be there, family or not. I'm big on that. I would let your mil know exactly why you didn't invite her. Let her know she can at least say hello. If that's too hard for her to do then it's her loss. Why should you feel uncomfortable at your own shower? You shouldn't Hun. That's not being the drama. That's having respect for yourself by not letting anyone disrespect you.
    levirogersCCasey2015Gingermom15
  • Essentially, I agree with @VOR and @wassuphoes. Also, keep in mind, that not inviting her may cause issues between your DH and his brother.  
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  • I think that you were wrong. I cannot stand my SIL, but I still invited her. She makes everything about her (including my pregnancy), and always has....for the 9+ years that MH and I have been together. She is loud, annoying, and expects everyone to do cater to her. We have never been close, and most likely never will be. However, as much as I don't like her, she is still my husbands sister....and still my child's aunt. I invited her, and found out that she wasn't going to be able to come. Needless to say, I was happy (although I would never tell anyone that). Then the day before the shower, she found out that an aunt (who lived near her) was going to be going and bummed a ride. Imagine my surprise when she showed up! 

    In the end, it shockingly went good! She stayed over by the aunt and her mom, having conversations the whole time. She also wasn't loud, and not trying to "steal the show" the entire shower. Even all of my friends were shocked. 

    I am curious why she is ignoring you. Could there be some underlying problem that you don't know about (maybe they are trying for a baby and she is having a hard time accepting the fact that you are having one and she is not)? If you invite her, she may not even come. But the fact that you didn't invite her, and she is going to find out that she wasn't invited, I think that it is going to make the drama worse. Especially since now MIL is involved in your little squabble. I have learned to always take the high road when it comes to my SIL, because then MH/FIL/MIL all see that I am trying.

    I agree with the previous poster that you should be the bigger person and invite her. You will be spending so much time talking to other friends/family, you may not even notice her there (if she shows). I think that my answer would be different if it was a family member that did something MAJOR to you (slept with your husband, owes you thousands of dollars, will show up drunk or on drugs, etc). But since she hasn't, I would have just invited her. 
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  • If the situation were reversed and she had a shower you weren't invited to, would you be upset? Probably.

    If everyone else was invited, she should have been, too.
    DylansCandyBar
  • Family is family, and you should have invited her. How do you ever hope to improve the relationship (and hopefully you want to, as you are stuck with her for life or as long as either of you is married to one of the brothers) if you pull moves like this? Ever heard of being the bigger person?
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  • Lol...I really don't think you're wrong!! You invite who you want. I don't care for my husbands brother gf, we fell out about a year or so ago. We don't speak, I don't even look her way nor does she mine. Why bother inviting someone I don't care for? She had her shower and didn't invite me or my husband...it wasn't a big deal! She had the same mindset, why bother. She was questioned about why she didn't invite me, but to kill all the drama. I told her and my husbands family face up, I wouldn't attend. Simply because I didn't want her to uncomfortable. Why she didn't invite my husband, who is the uncle to the kid....I don't know.
    CCasey2015
  • Does she repeatedly ignore you? Maybe there is a miscommunication? She didn't hear you? I really dislike my SIL but I'm always polite and greet her but avoid sitting next to and chatting with her as much as possible.

    Can you play if off as a mix-up that her invite was lost? My cousin texted me a day before her bridal shower to invite me and said that somehow my invite was never sent by her MIL but she'd love me to come. There is still time to save face if you want.
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  • Depending on how good of a relationship you have, I might have asked mil to talk to her or had DH talk to brother to talk to her. The conversation being - maybe she should at least be civil. But I have to say she needed to have been invited, if you can play it off you should. In the end she's gonna be around for a while.
  • Everyone might call me petty, too, but I wouldn't have invited her. It's YOUR baby shower. If you believe she would have caused problems, it's a good thing you didn't invite her. This is your big, happy day, nothing should damper it. You enjoy your baby shower, stand your ground. As long as this doesn't cause tension between you and your husband, everything should be fine.
    CCasey2015
  • I had this same exact situation going on but for my wedding shower. I didn't invite her because she doesn't talk to me anyway and had been spreading lies about me to other family that I found out about. She's extremely jealous and has these kinds of issues with other family also, so I wasn't the only one. She wouldn't have come or wanted to come anyway. She did come to the actual wedding of course and it was completely stressful and awkward for me. She didn't say a word to me the entire night and if I got near her she bolted. Seeing her added stress for me and I'm sure by the way she looked that she was completely stressed out too and didn't want to be there. So at least I avoided that awkwardness by not having her at the shower. If you have good reason, and she's being rude to you, why on earth should you have to invite her?
  • I think it's fine if you didn't want to invite her, BUT you have to own the fact that this will likely cause more drama (based on your MIL's reaction) than her ignoring you.  It makes you look petty and like the jerk, not her.

    Without more information about issues between you guys (because her just not wanting to talk to you could be her being a bitch, or her being shy, or maybe her having a miscarriage or infertility that is hard to deal with when she sees you right now, etc.  Who knows?) if it were me, I would have just invited her, especially because it sounds like you haven't even bothered to have a conversation with her about any issues between you, which I think is just silly.  You're stuck with each other - shower aside, figure out how/if you can make it better. 
  • I think you have turned yourself into the "bad guy" in this situation, which is a shame. If you had invited her and she was rude, that would have been on her, but because you haven't, you kind of look like a bully for excluding her.
  • I personally made my invitation list for my baby shower. However, I didnt't send one to my sister in law (she's married to my husbands brother) for a good reason I believe. We haven't always had the best relationship and since I've gotten pregnant the relationship has only worsened.(ex. Not saying hi when she sees me and completely ignoring me) I wanted my baby shower to be comfortable for myself hence the reason I didn't invite her. But my MIL caught wind that I didn't invite her and made a big deal because she is 'family'. Was I in the wrong to not invite her?
    If she makes you uncomfortable and starts drama-- I say you don't have to invite anyone just because they are family.


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  • MrsFL2015MrsFL2015 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2015
    Has this person personally said (words, not ignoring) anything rude to you, embarrassed you in front of other or threatened you in any manner?   If not, then I think you should invite her.   Ignoring someone isn't the worst thing a person can do to you and this woman is part of your husband's family.   She is going to be your baby's aunt.  Any children she has with her husband (your husband's brother) will be your child's cousins.  When you decide not to invite her, you could also put a rift between your husband and his brother, and your husband and his mother.  Is all of that worth it?   Do you want to be the one that continues to make the rift or divide in the family greater because you didn't invite her to your baby shower?   Again, nothing she has done is major and not inviting her could make your relationship worse.   Be the bigger person and invite her. As much as you might not "like" her, no one says you have to be her best friend.  You do have to include her in family events.  IMHO, a baby shower is a family event (because it's honoring the new baby in the family).  

    Side note:  You said she "ignores you" does she act like this to others?  Years ago I suffered from bad social anxiety.  I wasn't the most friendly person.  It had nothing to do with other people but more to do with my own self-confidence.  Is it possible she's uncomfortable around you, or in social situation, and you're not even aware?
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