I don't like this feeling.

cammlyn

I like to make myself think that I am still me. Still the carefree it will happen when it happens. When the Lord is ready he will give us a child. I want my child. I want the baby that I lost. I miss him or her. I feel like it was a him. I can still hear his heartbeat in my head but I am starting to forget the sound. I wake up every morning and remind myself to hear it. I don't want to forget. I am a nurse at a hospital where I work med-surg/peds. Today the hospital called and wanted to to work extra on our OB floor. I couldn't. I can't picture myself down there in the room where they told me my baby did not have a heart beat. The room where they took me to recover after my d&c. The sweet nurse who handed me a book on grief. I am bitter. I hate that but I am. I can't go down there and not be jealous of every mother that gets to hold their new born. I want my baby back. I want to be okay with what has happened to me. I want to move on, and it a lot of ways I have. I have accepted the fact of loss. I have been though the stages. But I am ready for my child. I am ready to not be bitter. I am ready to be happy again. 

JMagana

Im so sorry for your loss i understand your feelings. I wake up everyday not wanting to forget. I made a memorial under my weeping willow tree and it seems to help a little gives me a place to go to talk to the baby. Even though I know he is up there with Jesus which I know your baby is too who knows maybe their friends now. They both probably have already meet their furture siblings.
My husband and I just experienced our second miscarriage this year. It is very hard to be around everyones joy thats is experiencing the joy you should be too. I work in retail and everyday I see multiple babies laughing, crying and their overjoyed moms. Currently i have 8 ladies in my life that are expecting one of which was due around my date. I think its ok too feel sad and hurt when around the joy but I also want to support them in their joy cause I would want the same from them even strangers. Miscarriages are something I dont know if you ever get over or forget. I think you learn to cope each day and than it becomes easier too move forward but never forget. I have spoken with a few ladies 2 of which have had miscarriages over 20years ago and they both said they still love and miss their loss babies and the miscarriage still hurts at times. Again im so sorry for your loss I know God has a plan for you too be a mom. I know it doesn't make you feel better at the moment to hear that right now but he does. Allow yourself as much time to grieve as you need there is no time frame. You are a mother who lost her son it leaves a broken heart. Best wishes to you

cammlyn

The thought of out babies being friends gives me butterflies. Thinking that he has this whole life I don't know about yet. I miss him. I am so happy for the ladies in my life that are expecting I know the joy they are feeling and I would never wish anything on them other than joy. Praying for you sweet girl.

JMagana

Praying for you as well and one day your baby can tell you all about his life with Jesus before you got there ♡♡

tobrieornottobrie

I'm so sorry. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. 

the brie's cheese knees 

cammlyn

Thanks so much you guys. I have spent the day with my nephew who is 7 month old and he just makes me happy. I can not wait to see the day he is playing with my children. Thank you all so much for the thoughts and prayers.