Baby Shower Advise

rdilts

My friend wants to start planning my baby shower already. I am 17 weeks on Thursday. I guess it's a good time since I am feeling decent and have a bit of energy. I need a bit of advice. I have 2 other kids ages 10 and 12, so it's been a while since we have had a baby in the house. I know that it is ok for moms to have a baby shower when there is such a big gap, but I am not the type of person to be gawked over and want something pretty informal. I read a few ideas online such as a "drop in" shower where guests drop in between a specific time, stay and chat for a few minutes, I would open their gift while they were there and they can stay and eat then leave. I am not sure how well that would work, I only thought of 20 women to invite to this thing. Any ideas for an informal (no games, no schedule) baby shower? Thanks in advance!!!!

taysun

Maybe you could plan a meal of some sort, like a barbeque?

yl1m32015

Maybe a back yard bbq? I've never heard of a drop in shower and in my personal circle that would not be appropriate. If you think your friends and family would be ok with that, then ok. I think that would feel a bit awkward though. Maybe just have a small lunch at someone's house for an hour or two. You dont have to play games, just eat and chit chat.

rdilts

I thought about a BBQ but I am due in December and we will probably have the shower in the beginning of November. So what ever we do it will need to be in doors....

yl1m32015

Yes that makes sense. Maybe just do an afternoon tea with finger foods. That can be quick, easy and fairly cheap to do.

rdilts

Small lunch or afternoon tea and finger foods wouldn't be too bad. I am not sure though who's house we would be able to fit 20 people in though. It would have to be at a restaurant which could get a bit pricey unless we rented a hall. I don't want a huge hall since there won't be a ton of people though. I was thinking something for kids too because I know that my two girls will be there and I'm sure would love to have other kids there too so they weren't bored. I haven't been to that many baby showers and just remember them as being really boring. Even the one I had with my first 12 years ago seemed to drag on forever.....

taysun

If you want something more casual you may be able to fit everyone in a house if you don't expect everyone to be in the same room. An open floor plan where the living room and kitchen are connected or dining room?

slabancz

I know when I hear drop in shower it almost sounds like you just want the gifts and you don't really care if they stay or not which I'm not saying that's you. Have you heard of a baby sprinkle?? Guest will "sprinkle" you instead of "shower" you with gifts and attention. I know that a lot of ppl getting a 2nd shower will do that.

CMDD

I would do an afternoon tea. It could be so cute!!

preggoandglowing

I've never heard of a drop in shower and I actually think that would be more awkward. To make it informal how about a pizza party or having it at a restaurant that has games for kids. That way guests will be able to move around.

rdilts

I guess the "drop in" shower is getting pretty popular. You have it for a couple hours and as people show up you socialize with them, open their gift in front of them and they can eat and socialize with others and stay as long as they want. It is really informal and saves people from having to play a bunch of games (which I hate) and people with other obligations to be somewhere that wouldn't show up because they had to be somewhere else at a certain time. I hated going to a shower for 3 hours and I felt like I had to stay the whole time and play games then watch someone open a bunch of gifts. Most of the people that would go would be close friends and close family. I'm not really into inviting a lot of people that I don't know very well, I would feel more awkward doing that so it would be a small group. IDK, I just wanted some ideas for something that wasn't so formal. I'm not worried about the awkwardness because I would feel awkward if I had a big formal regular shower.

VesperLove

Eeesh, I've never heard of a drop in shower but it sounds really tacky to me not calling you tacky, just my first reaction to that type of event. If I was invited to something like that it would definitely make me feel like it's about the gift and not about actually celebrating the baby. If that was the only shower option, I'd probably opt for a sip and see after baby is born instead.

However, I think there are more options than just that for a shower. I honestly don't see the problem with a standard shower (games and all) with such a break between this child and your last two. If you're concerned about it or don't want games then I would just do a sprinkle (gifts optional) and just do afternoon tea or something like that. Finger foods, a nice selection of coffee and tea, and maybe one or two baby games that aren't the traditional games (ie, mark a plate with a special symbol and they get a prize or fill out a card with kind thoughts for mom, dad, or baby). Something fun but not centered around gifts since that's really the only part that people tend to have an issue with when it's a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc, child. 

Just my two cents.

rdilts

Wow, I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. I figured that having close friends and family there they would appreciate that I am trying to be considerate and not make it long and drawn out. I am not pushing them out the door, just the option to leave when they feel like it..... I am not a very formal person and people that know me know that. Maybe no baby shower would be better if I am going to offend people. I don't care about the gifts, I was planning on buying everything myself. My friend just insisted on throwing me one......

slabancz

@rdilts just so you know I wasn't trying to offend. I thought you were asking for advice and opinions so I gave mine because I've never heard of that for a shower. Of course you deserve a shower and whatever you and your friend decide to throw will be amazing.

ketobaby

To preface my response I would like to state that I am normally not a formal person at all. The thought of a drop in baby shower would confuse me as an invited guest. I think you can have your friend make the party within a 2 hour time frame. Pick a style of party that isn't drawn out and skip on the games. With 20 people you can do a brunch plus opening gifts within the 2 hour time frame.

rdilts

You didn't offend me. I just didn't think that it would be a big deal. I am not really one to be gawked over and don't really like to be the center of attention. I was thinking more of a social gathering then a baby shower hence the drop in part but it will be in November so that really limits what I can do since weather is unpredictable. I can't really do anything outside and no one that I know has a big enough house that we could use if all 20 show up all at once.

redfallon

Showers I've been to, people leave when they want to anyway. No one is obligated to stay forever.

laura6006

How about booking a legion and ordering some pizzas? You can have stuff there for kids to do and on the plus side, the adults can drink in the bar and not stick around too long.

rdilts

Booking a legion would be fun. I think pizza would make it easy too. I am not a member of any legions around the area though and I am pretty sure I have to be a member to book it.

DylansCandyBar

If you are that uncomfortable being "gawked" at (I don't know anyone with manners who would gawk at anyone) or just done like being the center of attention a sip and see might be a better idea, that way the baby is the center of attention, not really you.

I think a drop in shower seems gift grabby. If you can't accommodate 20 people, shorten the guest list.

beccabeeee

Hmmm, I totally understand the space issue. There's no way family would fit at my place either, and I hate being the center of attention lol I'm having showers thrown for me, but I've asked that they kind of make a bbq type of shower, not really sure what a name for that would be...babyQ?
I think if a drop in shower is something your more comfortable with then go for it! It's what works best for you in all honesty. I'd say talk with the one who wants to host the shower, explain what you explained to us, maybe work something out where she can send out cute invites to the drop in, letting people know that this get together is a time to just share this wonderful news and that you look forward to having a good time with everyone. they are your guests and you know them best, go with what feels best for you. And don't forget to have fun! =]

rdilts

Yeah the space issue is the biggest thing. If it wasn't for it being in the colder months I wouldn't care about just having a BBQ. I actually love that idea. It's really not about the gifts at this point as we are financially stable and can buy what we need without an issue, it is more that it has been 10 years since the last baby, this is my husband's first baby, and it is his mom's first grandchild so his family is really looking forward to a shower. This is all more for his family then mine because my family already celebrating me becoming a mom. It is more about celebrating him becoming a dad with his family.

littleSkittle14

If you really want a BBQ, you could always schedule your shower for Labor Day weekend. You'll be almost 6 months along, so you'll have a nice bump but nothing "gawk-worthy". The weather should still be OK then, anddddd it has the added bonus of people won't feel "obligated" to stay a long time because they will likely have other plans that weekend too!

Plus, doing it at 6 months, you will have more time to plan what you need after you've received gifts from friends and family.

The only downside: invitations will need to go out, like, this week haha

rdilts

Invitations going out this week? Lol. I don't think that will happen. My friend that wanted to plan it for me has been crazy busy and we haven't gotten to meet up at all about the shower. She is pretty organized though and did my bridal shower (which was amazing) so I have faith in her.

shareem2013

Personally I don't like the thought of a "drop in shower", to me it sounds like yippy really don't want to be bothered with my company but you do want my present. I know that's but at all how you mean it to be but that's just how I'd feel. I'd probably just do a lunch with finger foods, I don't really know. You kind of expect to play little cute games to keep the flow going do people don't get bored and just look at one another. But in the same hand I'm sure your circle knows you so they probably know what to expect and what you like. Good like.

rdilts

As I mentioned before I don't really care about the presents. I have been buying most everything I need myself and will continue to until the baby is born. I don't even plan on registering anywhere. It is more for his family to celebrate (they are big social people and are so excited about the new baby).  I wouldn't even have a shower if it wasn't for it being his first as well as his parents first grandchild and my Best friend really wants to have something for me. If people get me something for the baby, that's fine I would accept it graciously, but a shower to me is not about the gifts.....

Gingermom15

rdilts said:

As I mentioned before I don't really care about the presents. I have been buying most everything I need myself and will continue to until the baby is born. I don't even plan on registering anywhere. It is more for his family to celebrate (they are big social people and are so excited about the new baby).  I wouldn't even have a shower if it wasn't for it being his first as well as his parents first grandchild and my Best friend really wants to have something for me. If people get me something for the baby, that's fine I would accept it graciously, but a shower to me is not about the gifts.....

I think if people know you and know that you're not a formal person, a drop in shower would be fine. A tactfully worded invitation letting people know you would like a visit before baby is here and would provide light refreshments would be fine with me. I would not be offended personally. There doesn't even have to be mention of gifts if that isn't important to you, people will likely bring a few anyway. Who doesn't like to shop for a baby? Baby shower and social etiquette has changed tremendously over the years, I think you could pull it off. Plus it would likely satisfy the in-laws excitement for a shower without making you uncomfortable.

DylansCandyBar

rdilts said:

As I mentioned before I don't really care about the presents. I have been buying most everything I need myself and will continue to until the baby is born. I don't even plan on registering anywhere. It is more for his family to celebrate (they are big social people and are so excited about the new baby).  I wouldn't even have a shower if it wasn't for it being his first as well as his parents first grandchild and my Best friend really wants to have something for me. If people get me something for the baby, that's fine I would accept it graciously, but a shower to me is not about the gifts.....

But most people know that showers are gift giving events. Gift giving is basically the sole purpose for the event. It's pretty much common knowledge which is why people might be put off as posters have said. And while no one may want to say it to your face, the posters here have been honest in saying that they would be offended and feel like you're just after a gift.

Obviously you're going t do whatever you want, and since you continue to shoot down any opinion that doesn't support what you want, I'm not even sure why you bothered to ask.

Gingermom15

DylansCandyBar said:

rdilts said:

As I mentioned before I don't really care about the presents. I have been buying most everything I need myself and will continue to until the baby is born. I don't even plan on registering anywhere. It is more for his family to celebrate (they are big social people and are so excited about the new baby).  I wouldn't even have a shower if it wasn't for it being his first as well as his parents first grandchild and my Best friend really wants to have something for me. If people get me something for the baby, that's fine I would accept it graciously, but a shower to me is not about the gifts.....

But most people know that showers are gift giving events. Gift giving is basically the sole purpose for the event. It's pretty much common knowledge which is why people might be put off as posters have said. And while no one may want to say it to your face, the posters here have been honest in saying that they would be offended and feel like you're just after a gift.

Obviously you're going t do whatever you want, and since you continue to shoot down any opinion that doesn't support what you want, I'm not even sure why you bothered to ask.

I agree that if it was an invite for a drop-in baby shower with a registry I would be a little offended. I wouldn't go or buy a gift if that was the case. It doesn't seem like you want an actual shower but doing it to make your friend and in laws happy? If that's the case, consider a "pre-baby" social gathering for people to come and go at their convenience. Maybe put on the invite that you are blessed to be prepared for a baby and only wish for the gift of their time in exchange for yours. Offer refreshments, skip games and baby-themed food and enjoy the company of your friends and family before baby is here.

rdilts

Sarahgn, I like your suggestions about a pre-baby social gathering and noting on the invitation about already being prepared. I like the way you phrased that. I also talked to my mom about it and she said that she is going to ask my Gram if we could do it at her place. It is plenty big enough for what we would be expecting, and it is pretty close to where a lot of the people live that would be coming.

DylansCandyBar, I am not trying to shoot down everyone's ideas. There are a lot of great ideas here on the board. It is a hard time a year to have a shower because weather is unpredictable in PA. I have mentioned that I do like some of the ideas such as a sip n see, having it at a house and have a brunch, as well as other suggestions that people have given me. I understand that some people may get offended, but the people that would be invited are a different crowd and I know they wouldn't get offended. They all love me and are all very close friends/family. I am asking for some advice, not trying to put anyone's ideas down. A BBQ in November wouldn't work, and having games isn't really my thing. Thank you for your input.

celainev

Personally, I think a drop in shower would cause more attention to you then a regular shower. At a regular shower the guests have other guests to talk to whereas at a drop in, sometimes it might be just you.
I'm not big on formal events either... I've asked my family to wait til baby is born for a shower so the baby can be the one people "gawk" at... And leave me out of it! Have you considered this?