need advice

MrsEtheridge324

I have a friend who I've known for almost 11 years and she has been going through years of infertility and I just got pregnant after only 2 months. It was planned and dh and I did want kids now so it's good. I just have a problem on how I will tell my bf when we reach 12 weeks. She had made it very clear that she could sense we may want to start trying and that if I were pg she doesn't want to know until 12wks and that she will not be happy at first but she needs time to let it settle. I know it will be hard for her because for years I was always there for her procedure after procedure. We live states away so I'm not able to see her everyday so she won't be able to see me when I do tell her but I want to tell her in the best way possible. I know someone out there can give me advice on what to do bc I want to keep our friendship in tact.

skruhmin

So going through fertility issues sucks major balls.  You can't change that in any way.  I promise your friend will be very happy for you but it will take time.  Don't try to do anything cutesy - just call her to tell her but just know that she will probably distance herself from you and that's ok.  And don't be offended if she doesn't seem happy or doesn't contact you as much as before.  Also try to use The Bump as an outlet for symptoms/pregnancy rants rather than her.  Let her ask the questions, don't readily give information about your symptoms. 

MrsEtheridge324

@skruhmin, I have been so blessed so far using TB when ttc and only one person knows, bc I am so close to her and she sees me everyday. I know during my pregnancy TB will be exactly what I need for support. I just want my bf and I to maintain the friendship bc we are very close. I am actually seeing her for dinner tonight that's why I'm so nervous about when I will tell her but I absolutely will not be telling her as I haven't even confirmed the pregnancy with the doctor. She lives so far that this is the first time we've seen each other in over a year so it's much needed and I want one last time to just be us not me and my bump as the elephant in the room.

jy725

Great advice from @skruhmin

lovelygrl234

I am in a similar situation. I spent the weekend visiting my best friend before I found out I was pregnant - I had a "feeling" I was, though. I asked her during a conversation about how we should approach this situation if either of us became pregnant before the other. We both agreed to be happy for the other and we would make the best "auntie" to the other's child. The next week, I took a test and bam - there it was. I didn't wait to tell her - heck we didn't wait to tell anyone. I was with family and texted her with the news - she was sad that I didn't call her. She said this kind of news requires phone calls in the future. She's taken it okay. There have been some comments that have hurt my feelings - my husband says it's just my hormones. We still keep up our normal chats and I don't bring it up unless she asks. She told me that she cried when she found out. I told her that I cried, too - so we were in the same boat. Haha. I think the fact that you're already thinking about your friend's feelings shows just how much you care - and that will come through. I am a little sad that I can't be overwhelmingly excited about this great event in my life - but time eases things and I know once the little one arrives, she will be a doting auntie. Best of luck.

ACleanLife24

a best friend is a best friend and should be there for you no matter what.  Just be sensitive not to rub things in her face and let her take the lead.

MrsEtheridge324

I try my hardest to sensor things I say to her regarding anything baby related, especially after being on TB. It's helped a lot to get the perspective of others ttc. I was not really sure what she went through because it was so hard for her to talk about so now it's easier for us to communicate. I just keep my fx that our conversation goes smoothly because I really want her around!