Vent DH not understanding importance of birth plan

nakoppel

So I worte up my birth plan the other day. It's nothing to fancy or complicated since I'm well aware that even the best laid plans can go awry. It just says I want saline fluids right away, epidural as soon as possible, no narcotic pain drugs, slow coached pushing, delayed cord clamping, and skin to skin/breast feeding as soon as possible. Well today when my husband and I were sitting watching tv I told him I wanted to tell him my birth plan in case I couldn't advocate for myself. He rolled his eyes at me, I told him to please not make that face and it was important he listen. I started to tell him and he just lets out a big sigh and goes "Hun I'm not going to remember this can't you just tell me the day of or when we are closer". Um hello I'm telling you now because we only have a few weeks left and we have no idea if I could have the baby early! He would just rather be so uninvolved in the birthing process and it makes me angry because he's suppose to be my partner in it. I get maybe he just can't connect with it happening yet but I need him to be there for me and when he acts like this it makes me feel like he doesn't want to be. Thanks for reading my vent ladies :-/

emmiemae08

He could be acting like this for a number of reasons. The most logical (in my house at least) is you interrupted his show to go over something that he doesn't think needs to be gone over at that exact minute.

He could also just not fully understand how important it is to you. Give him a copy to keep, or put it in his bag and tell him that way it's right there in the room with you guys when he needs to have it.

Good luck!

Saratiff

My husband while a planner is a very in the moment person. He is my biggest fan and my biggest advocate but usually it's when the need arises. He isn't big on hypothesis. So if I gave Ryan a piece of paper on our way to the hospital he would have my back 100% but I don't think he would even know what to say me a few weeks before. Maybe cut him slack? Just because he doesn't seem interested now doesn't mean he won't be there for you when the time comes.

irohspupil

Whenever I tried to tell my husband my birth plan, I got similar reactions. So, I just printed it out on a very organized, single sheet of paper. I showed it to him, told him that this is what I would like to happen. He then got interested in my birth plan and told me to email him a copy and pack a physical one in our hospital bag (whenever I get around to doing that). 

Voila! 

Baby2HG

He's a guy and guys are very simple and to the point. He won't remember as he said so why tell him now. Maybe during the first stages of labor.?

jlsweets

Well I didn't have a birth plan so don't know how much help I can be. We both went in with the mentality of just going to wing it and everything worked out. I will say my husband never talked about the whole birthing process, pain meds, what we do when the time comes , etc. BUT when the time came he was great, huge support and so calming ( for the most part
I think there are many guys that are like your husband and totally normal. It could be overwhelming for him. I wouldn't stress, it's not like your bp is very complicated or requires special instructions. If it really bothers you let him know how you are feeling.

nakoppel

Yeah I know you ladies are right and he wasn't TRYING to be disrespectful. He just knows I don't like the sighing and the rolling eyes. I think I will just print it out and put it in our bag. And also just let him know it's on the iPad so if he had to referance it and couldn't find the hard copy he'd know where to find it (we take the iPad everywhere haha). I think I'm just afraid when the moment arises he's just going to sit quietly in the corner and not be a good advocate. Luckily in two years we've never had any big medical drama so I'm not sure how he is in that situation. I'm sure he'll step up if necessary I guess I just wish he acted a least a wee bit more involved to make me feel a little more secure as we approach the big event.

diwersen

As it stands my birth plan is for the baby to come out. With that said I really like the sound of yours and might actually write one.

I think what you need to discuss with your husband is what kind of role HE thinks he can play. For example my husband is way to easy going/ considerate/ doesn't like asking for things so I already know he won't be my best advocate when it comes time. Therefore my mom will be in the room and will have no problem being a little more pushy or demanding. Other people hire doulas for the same reason.

This whole experience is about us and our wants but he might have a vision for the day too. Just ask and maybe he'll be more open. Good luck and hope it all goes to plan

acorlew201

I'm sure he will be great when the time comes. I wouldn't worry too much. I react similarly when my husband brings up something I don't find important if I'm not in the mood to talk.

Just out of curiosity, on your birth plan, why are you asking to have saline fluid as soon as possible?

emshredder

Taking the birthing classes with my SO really helped him get an understanding of exactly what kind of birth I envisioned. Might be a little late to sign up for classes now but I would just let him know hey I'd like to talk to you about my birth plan and express that it's important to you.

fionalouise007

Put it in a red folder labelled BIRTH PLAN.
Wave it in his face and say loudly "if sh*t hits the fan THIS is what YOU need.. RED FOLDER. BIRTH PLAN."
Then put it in your hospital bag and don't stress.
When he sees you freaking out on the day or you can't keep it together all he'll remember is RED FOLDER and go searching for it in your bags.
He's a boy. There was probably sport on TV or something. He won't understand until you are not okay and he can't fix it.. Men problem solve and need to protect, but not when they are distracted and no one is in currently in labour. It just won't register until he's in the moment. If you can get RED FOLDER and IMPORTANT to stick in his brain that's a win for now!

Either that, or carefully pick your moment when he's at his most attentive. Like when you are out to dinner together just the two of you.. Then he might be more responsive.

nakoppel

@diwersen thanks, my 'birth plan' is literally just a few bullet points on my note pad on my iPad haha because originally I did just want the baby out but then I realize I had a handful of desires I really wanted respected. @acarlew201 I think you're right that when the moment comes he may surprises me. I want the saline fluids right away because at my hospital class they told us they take 45 mins to get into yiur body and their policy is you cannot have an epidural before you've had a bag of fluids. So they suggest if you want an epidural to have them right away so you don't have to wait and potentially miss yiur window for an epidural @fionalousie007: I like that idea!!!!! I think I will do the folder and just say If they are asking questions and I can't answer or as yiu said the sh!t hits the fan refer to the folder!!! I think that'll just be easier for him.

kelseyrayay

@fionalouise007 perfect example of how to explain something to a man lol

acorlew201

@nakoppel that's so interesting! I didn't know that about them. It makes sense but I hadn't heard anyone mention it before!

nakoppel

acorlew201 said:

@nakoppel that's so interesting! I didn't know that about them. It makes sense but I hadn't heard anyone mention it before!

Yeah it was one of the best things I learned at my hospital class!

MamaMandy2015

Men are hardwired different. A woman's brain is like having 1000 internet tabs open at once, a man's brain is like the very first computer ever made, ingenious but only capable of handling one task at a time lol, they somewhat get it but even with my DH I've learned the hard way that he forgets a lot of things unless I remind him of said thing the day of or a day or so before. Like PP said, get it stuck in his brain where your birth pls, will be and to use it when stuff gets crazy.

CarelessDiva89

Saratiff said:

My husband while a planner is a very in the moment person. He is my biggest fan and my biggest advocate but usually it's when the need arises. He isn't big on hypothesis. So if I gave Ryan a piece of paper on our way to the hospital he would have my back 100% but I don't think he would even know what to say me a few weeks before. Maybe cut him slack? Just because he doesn't seem interested now doesn't mean he won't be there for you when the time comes.

^^^^^ this because my husband is the exact same way lol

gemmafig

micshi said:

Whenever I tried to tell my husband my birth plan, I got similar reactions. So, I just printed it out on a very organized, single sheet of paper. I showed it to him, told him that this is what I would like to happen. He then got interested in my birth plan and told me to email him a copy and pack a physical one in our hospital bag (whenever I get around to doing that). 

Voila! 

I emailed it to him, and the hard copy is in his bag with the snacks. I also emailed a copy of my living will to him. He looked at it, and was like WTF?  But, at least he has them.

irohspupil

gemmafig said:

micshi said:

Whenever I tried to tell my husband my birth plan, I got similar reactions. So, I just printed it out on a very organized, single sheet of paper. I showed it to him, told him that this is what I would like to happen. He then got interested in my birth plan and told me to email him a copy and pack a physical one in our hospital bag (whenever I get around to doing that). 

Voila! 

I emailed it to him, and the hard copy is in his bag with the snacks. I also emailed a copy of my living will to him. He looked at it, and was like WTF?  But, at least he has them.

Living will??? :-??

jalinamckenzie

Tape a copy to the back of his phone using packing tape!