Grandma's being called the same thing...

rachel10488

I know this is similar to a recent thread but it's a completely separate question that I didn't want to get lost on that thread but does anyone have mom and mother-in-laws that want to be called the same thing?
My mom is Nana, she has been for the past 19 years and she already has 7 grandchildren who all call her Nana. My husbands mom has one 4 year old grandson that calls her Nana but sometimes I've heard her say Nannie so I was hoping maybe that would become premenant. Anyways, she insists she wants to be nana with our kid too, and my mom is obviously not going to become something else all the sudden either so do I just have Nana 1 and 2?
Someone suggested Nana Lastname for each...but my husband and I have the same last name so that would be the same too! Haha (we're both Smiths, it was bound to happen with the millions of us out there.)

rockinmathchic

My mom likes to be called Grandma Deb instead of Grandma Lastname.  You could always do that with which ever was ok with you and your little one using her first name.  Nana Firstname.

Edited because words are hard...

ketobaby

Would it be weird to do Nana - First name

adecembermom2015

My grandmas were always Grandma -first name- and we were never confused.

rachel10488

That seems like it could work, is it awful of me that I would only want my mother-in-law to be that though? I guess it's like even I think of my mom as Nana now since she's my mom and been a Nana since I was 7, so even I have been calling her that most of my life. So calling her Nana Firstname feels unnatural to me but mother-in-law not so much

misamima

Nana FN sounds 'warmer' than Nana LN, if that makes sense.

0leahmarie

I hear grandma firstname a lot. We refer to them by their first name so the LO will overhear that and be able to recognize the difference

rachel10488

Yeah thinking about it, it would only be *fair* for both to be nana Firstname. If one is nana and one is nana Mary that makes it seem a little biased. I just wish my mother-in-law could pick something else!

misamima

It's honestly NBD in the grand scheme of life. Your kid will know who's who.

lmgagliardi@hotmail.com

They end up being differentiated by the child mostly. My mil and mom are both Grammy. I called them Grammy g and Grammy r. My daughter started calling my mom puppy Grammy when she got a puppy and my mil was you Grammy because she has a ton of toys at her house

redfallon

My MIL is Granny, which her MIL is for my DH. My DD calls DH's Granny "Great-Granny." My mother is Mima to my sister's kids, but she wants my DD to call her Granny, too, which I think is confusing for her as she's not yet 2 years old and already has a Granny. My mom said that she could call her Granny-Mima, which I also think is odd. She doesn't see her very often at all, so right now she doesn't really call her anything, but I also think it's confusing for my mom to want my sister's kids to call her one thing and my kids to call her something different.

VesperLove

My sister's kids call both grandmas by the same name. One is Nannie Teri and one is Nannie Marg. Both grandpas are called the same thing as well. I think it works out just fine.

Our baby will have two different names simply because they are what our two sides of the family already have set based on previous grandchildren.

Marchmellow2

My nephews call both Grandmas Grandma. SIL's mom is Grandma Golf Cart and my mom is Grandma Back Hoe. Lol. My mom does not like that name very much )

VegetaElPrincipe

To your question about it being awful of you only wanting your MIL being called Nana FN, my response is NOPE. I get it. Besides, my mother made it 100000% clear years ago that SHE is Grandma, and the MIL is whatever name that isn't just Grandma, like her mother before her was and so on. So I totally get it, plus she's your mom. It makes a difference. My baby is going to have Grandma and Grandma Lorraine or Nana or Mama or what have you... but they will know to not ever call my MIL Grandma in the presence of my mother... Lord have mercy the Hell that would be unleashed lol

hardlyhannah

We always did grandma last initial instead of full last name. But when you're in person it's just grandma. (I know this doesn't help op with the same last name situation, but for others reading...)

colsen4

I had nanny firstname for both growing up.

beccabeeee

@rachel10488 do you have a good relationship with your MIL? sorry if that sounds pretty random. The reason I ask is because I can understand why you'd want your own mother to have the name she prefers over your MIL based on how your relationship is with her. I don't think your an awful person for hoping she changes her mind lol. With that being said, you still have 5 months to go and maybe in that time this situation will work itself out =]

VesperLove

Am I the only one that thinks that giving the mom's mom priority on grandparent naming is wrong? The father is just as much a parent as the mother and his mom is just as much a grandparent as the mom's mom is. Why is it that the mom's mom gets priority and the MIL needs to deal with it?

I know that comes off sounding critical or judgmental (not trying to be). I just don't understand the logic behind it. I'm not bashing anyone or telling you not to have that preference, I just don't understand.

beccabeeee

Hmmm I can see your point @kyleneum13. Maybe another factor could be the relationship between the MIL and how much of a role she actually plays in their lives right now (including SO)? To be honest, I think it's just a personal thing for some people. I don't really have a really good explanation lol

taysun

@kyleneum13 I don't know about OP, but in my case BF doesn't care very much for most of his family for very understandable reasons, so while we maintain a relationship with them, they don't get to be a huge part of our child's life even if we see them often.

BostonBaby1

I agree with @kyleneum13 in the sense that I don't think that it is fair to assume that your mother will be the primary "grandma." This is incredibly unfair to your DH or SO's mother IMHO. If your SO has a poor relationship with his mother, then perhaps that's an exception to the rule.

SomedayInMyArms

@rachel10488 I am in the same boat as you, but for grandpa names. My dad is papa for my nieces and nephews, my FIL is papa for my nieces, and my husband's grandpa is called papa for everyone on that side of the family. I hope our kid figures it out or comes up with their own name for all of them. Being the youngest siblings on both sides doesn't leave us with much on the naming front.

I do agree with PP about it is small in the big scheme of things, but it did freak me out when I first thought of it. I think we are going to see what are kid does and if names change we will just go with it and hopefully the grandparent will too.

VesperLove

I totally hear you if it comes down to relationships. If one side of the family or the other is just generally closer or more present then by all means. I know that happens often that one side of the family either isnt involved or doesnt have a good relationship. I guess, for me, if the only reason is simply because its your mom, i dont see that as a valid reason since that doesn't in itself make one grandparent more important than the other. If that makes sense.

0leahmarie

The LO will probably come up with their own nicknames too

Catherine1021

Both of my grandmas were just grandma when we were with them. At home we called them both grandma last name so that everyone knew who we were talking about. I do think it is unfair to ask your mom or your MIL to change the names they are already called by one or more grandkids. I would go with nana while in their presence, and nana first name when you need to differentiate between the two.

rachel10488

Thanks for the advice ladies! Maybe we will just call them each nana Firstname or first initial when they're not here (we live in a different state than both so would only see them a few times a year) and then they can each be just nana in person. It's nice to hear other's experience and perspective though!

As for what you mentioned @kyleneum13, as I mentioned, I agree that it wouldn't really be fair that my mom gets a more specialized name just because she's *my* mom, I can only speak from *my* experience that I've spent the past 20 years calling my mom Nana while my mother-in-law has been in my life for the past 5 (And she didn't have any grandchildren when I met her) so I think of my mom as Nana not her which is where I'm coming from. It's kind of like you grow up with YOUR mom, her name is mom and no one else has that name in your life, other women may come in and be stepmom or mother-in-law, but there's only one person you call mom. I've grown up calling my mom either mom or Nana because I have older siblings that started having kids when I was a kid. So when I was with my nieces and nephews (which was often) she was always nana, when they weren't around she was mom...even sometimes still nana.
That's my perspective though obviously, not my husband's...although he has never thought of his mom as anything other than mom and doesn't seem to care whatsoever on this entire topic haha.
We have no issues with her or his family, I'm very close with my mom and talk to her everyday and he doesn't have that same relationship with his parents (neither do I with them) but that doesn't mean they deserve less so I'll just have to get used to another Nana over the next 20+ years

redfallon

Jonesy226 said:

To your question about it being awful of you only wanting your MIL being called Nana FN, my response is NOPE. I get it. Besides, my mother made it 100000% clear years ago that SHE is Grandma, and the MIL is whatever name that isn't just Grandma, like her mother before her was and so on. So I totally get it, plus she's your mom. It makes a difference. My baby is going to have Grandma and Grandma Lorraine or Nana or Mama or what have you... but they will know to not ever call my MIL Grandma in the presence of my mother... Lord have mercy the Hell that would be unleashed lol

Sorry but your mom sounds very entitled and selfish. Grandma is one of the most basic grandmother names there is and for her to expect to be the only one in your child's life to have that name and not "allow" the child's other grandmother to use it is unrealistic and again, selfish.

BostonBaby1

rachel10488 said:

Thanks for the advice ladies! Maybe we will just call them each nana Firstname or first initial when they're not here (we live in a different state than both so would only see them a few times a year) and then they can each be just nana in person. It's nice to hear other's experience and perspective though!

As for what you mentioned @kyleneum13, as I mentioned, I agree that it wouldn't really be fair that my mom gets a more specialized name just because she's *my* mom, I can only speak from *my* experience that I've spent the past 20 years calling my mom Nana while my mother-in-law has been in my life for the past 5 (And she didn't have any grandchildren when I met her) so I think of my mom as Nana not her which is where I'm coming from. It's kind of like you grow up with YOUR mom, her name is mom and no one else has that name in your life, other women may come in and be stepmom or mother-in-law, but there's only one person you call mom. I've grown up calling my mom either mom or Nana because I have older siblings that started having kids when I was a kid. So when I was with my nieces and nephews (which was often) she was always nana, when they weren't around she was mom...even sometimes still nana.
That's my perspective though obviously, not my husband's...although he has never thought of his mom as anything other than mom and doesn't seem to care whatsoever on this entire topic haha.
We have no issues with her or his family, I'm very close with my mom and talk to her everyday and he doesn't have that same relationship with his parents (neither do I with them) but that doesn't mean they deserve less so I'll just have to get used to another Nana over the next 20+ years

Glad to see everything is going to work out! And even if your DH doesn't have the same closeness with his parents that you have with your mom, it's nice that you're willing to give them the same level of treatment as your own mother. It shows a lot of fairness and i'm sure it will all work out

VesperLove

All of that makes complete sense. I hope you guys can settle on something that works for you and makes everyone happy!

Fuzzy228

kyleneum13 said:

Am I the only one that thinks that giving the mom's mom priority on grandparent naming is wrong? The father is just as much a parent as the mother and his mom is just as much a grandparent as the mom's mom is. Why is it that the mom's mom gets priority and the MIL needs to deal with it?

I know that comes off sounding critical or judgmental (not trying to be). I just don't understand the logic behind it. I'm not bashing anyone or telling you not to have that preference, I just don't understand.

Agreed. All of this.

skyeluv51

My firstborn named her grandparents herself as she was the first grandchild. Mar-Mar and Papo....so u might want to see what your LO comes up with with my new in-laws we'll see...

skyeluv51

My firstborn named her grandparents herself as she was the first grandchild. Mar-Mar and Papo....so u might want to see what your LO comes up with with my new in-laws we'll see...