Sorry but I am still confused as to why those other posters were SO angry about you throwing your own baby shower. I remember you asked a specific question too, and that went totally left. Sorry you had to deal with that.
You don't even know how much I want to gif I just haven't even attempted it yet. One day I will sit down and read the numerous directions on how to do it and just try...
The beauty of asking for opinions on the Internet is that you get honest answers. Unlike your friends and family who might try to spare your feelings. I promise, nobody on the baby shower board gives a crap about your particular shower and how it gets thrown. Just know that chances are one or more of your guests feel the same way. They may not say it to your face.
Also why ask for opinions if you don't want them? I mean, you kind of brought it on yourself and then came over here to bad mouth everyone.
Nobody is losing sleep over some internet strangers lack of manners and etiquette. It's not like we're being invited.
They were angry because it's apparently really bad etiquette to throw your own shower because it seems like you're being tacky and trying to tell people they need to give you gifts. I was pounced on for numerous things which included me saying..1. I didn't even know people didn't throw their own showers and was still going to throw mine (not seeing what the issue was at that point since the OP had just said she couldn't believe that people were gift grabby and tacky enough to throw their own showers these days. At that point I hadn't caught on.) 2. I don't have anyone to throw one for me because my family members aren't wealthy enough to pay for a shindig like that so I would never ask/expect them to do so. (apparently it was bad form to say I would ask someone to throw me one since it is meant to be a gift) 3. Apparently I am planning on inviting too many people since I am planning on inviting close to 100 people since I have a giant (GIANT) family, 4 generations all living in town, plus my hubby's family, our friends, our coworkers since we've both been working at the same place over 4 years,(They were upset that I would invite so many people since it's supposed to be only my nearest and dearest and not every person I've ever met, according to them this is not a wedding reception....I am inviting just my nearest and dearest though and yeah, between the hubbs and I it adds up to a crap ton of people, another reason I would never even want my mom or anyone to pay for that for me) 4. The fact that I am calling it a shower and not a party when I tried making it clear that I could care less about the presents and am more interested in celebrating the life we've created than getting stuff from people, and I want to play the fun games.(Apparently if my goal is not to get gifts then I need to call it a party, not a shower, according to them it was not rocket science that I obviously shouldn't call it a shower then. Also, it is apparently the dumbest idea ever to celebrate the life we've created with people before the baby is born according to them) 5. I didn't feel like I should be punished and not have a baby shower just because no one has offered to throw me one yet, I'll just throw it myself, no problem. ... In the end I basically let them know that if people were truly going to judge me that harshly and not come to my baby shower just because I threw my own that I wouldn't want people like that at my shower anyway, so they let me know that with an attitude like that, I didn't have to worry, no one would think I had any etiquette anyway.
Basically everything I said got dissected and torn apart because not a single thing I said was correct according to them. I understand now where they were coming from but the message was getting lost in translation because they were attacking instead of informing. A poster on this conversation earlier did a great job of explaining etiquette to me and how I should maybe have a co-host, or call it a party etc etc without being a butt about it all. It made a lot of sense everything that she said and it's all something I will take into consideration.
I hadn't asked for their opinions on throwing my own shower, I was trying to understand what the problem was in the first place with doing something like that. Instead of being informative/supportive they just tried to make me feel like a complete moron. A poster on here earlier did a great job of explaining why it was bad etiquette and how to avoid that if I wanted my own shower/party without it seeming like I was just being gift grabby. There are ways to answer support boards like the bump is supposed to be and actually help people without tearing them apart in the process. It's not like I came on and was like "hey guys, I do tons of drugs while pregnant and don't understand what the issue is," I was trying to see why it was bad form to throw my own shower. Yeah, I told them I didn't see what the problem was and that I was planning on throwing my own, but that was because everyone was just typing eye rolls at how pathetic people were for throwing their own and not explaining why it was even a bad thing.
@melissadmag I feel like you landed in the movie "Tangled" where the "mom" is telling Rapunzel she should stay in her tower because of how bad and scary the rest of the world is
Again, nobody is angry. It's just astounding to some people how entitled others are. A shower is a gift, if no one offers to throw you one, you just don't get one. In the grand scheme of things, not that big of a deal. It's not a life event like a wedding, graduation or the birth of your child. It really is just a party where people shower you with gifts to care for your new baby. I can't imagine hosting a party in my own honor where people are expected to bring gifts. It just seems desperate and so very awkward.
I have a huge family also both my parents have a lot of siblings and I have at least 40 first cousins. I still kept my guest list under 50 people.
Oh FFS, @missemmawoodhouse let it go. What do you care if she hosts her own shower or not? Why bother commenting at all if not to just continue the drama? Take it elsewhere.
Just so I'm clear, it's okay for OP to start the post with the drama, but not okay for someone to comment on the drama? I need to understand the rules.
@Melissadmag FYI you weren't being tacky you were being ahead of the curve. this is actually a thing now. My husband and I stayed at and extremely nice hotel on Kauai for our honeymoon and the hotel actually has a link you can put on your registry so people can pay for things for your honeymoon (ex couples massage, 5 course wine dinner....). Plus I think the way you said thank you is super cute and now I wish I had thought of it. Haha
No no no. Just because it might be a "thing" doesn't make it right. This new fad of registries to pay for honeymoons, babymoons, so on and so forth, is really disturbing.
@Melissadmag FYI you weren't being tacky you were being ahead of the curve. this is actually a thing now. My husband and I stayed at and extremely nice hotel on Kauai for our honeymoon and the hotel actually has a link you can put on your registry so people can pay for things for your honeymoon (ex couples massage, 5 course wine dinner....). Plus I think the way you said thank you is super cute and now I wish I had thought of it. Haha
No no no. Just because it might be a "thing" doesn't make it right. This new fad of registries to pay for honeymoons, babymoons, so on and so forth, is really disturbing.
Why is it disturbing? There is such a thing as evolution and advancement of the world and ideas. It used to be a "new fad" for women to work outside of the home, but now it's normal. I understand that is a far stretch of what we're talking about here, but just because something is new or a recent development doesn't mean that it is wrong and will always be wrong.
@LetMePatYourHairLots do you also think women wearing pants is a new thing that isn't right? Obviously everything new doesn't always stay and isn't always right but I think gifting honeymoon experiences isn't a horrible thing to become normal.
Why is it disturbing? Just because a couple didn't go to an expensive place and register for fancy dishes, and prefers to have a great life experience over having things that doesn't make it any less meaningful. It's what is meaningful to the couple and it's better to have a couple that wants it use money towards a great honeymoon, than on fancy China they may not ever really use. Personally if I was spending $100 on anyone I'd rather know it didn't end up as something gathering dust in the back of their cabinet and actually got used, even if they used it to buy themselves dinner, at least it wasn't wasted.
When my DH and I got married I was in college and not making great money, and he was working 2 jobs to try and pay for the wedding. Once again, my family couldn't really help with the wedding beyond buying me the wedding dress, so we had to pay for everything else. My DH had never been out of the country at that point and we had saved up exactly enough to travel to Europe and live off of a $50 a day budget for food, trains, souvenirs, and whatever other surprises came up. We didn't have wiggle room to go and do things or buy a nice dinner, or pay for entry into museums or whatever else caught our eye while over there and that was with us waiting 2 months after the wedding to go to try and save more. Having our guests help fund the honeymoon made it one of the greatest experiences ever because we actually got to do things like go on the gondola ride, and get into the museums, and have dinners, and pay for the surprise $200 luggage fee from ryanair which would have left us not eating for 4 days otherwise. I appreciated that so much more than if I would have gone and registered for pretty dishes etc because honestly DH and I just don't care about that kind of stuff. We would rather travel.
Personally I think it's totally cute and acceptable if a couple wants gift cards, or a start a down-payment for a house fund, or pay for a honeymoon experience etc etc because you know it's something the couple really truly cares about. Not to say a couple can't care about dishes, some couples would much rather have those and that is perfectly fine as well. Some people just don't want or need more things so why not get them something they do actually want/need? What is disturbing about that?
When I got married, I didn't get a bridal shower. Nor was I going to get a Bachelorette party, because my maid of honor was my younger sister, who was not aware of tradition. In fact, none of my family or friends are well-versed in this whole traditional way of doing things. Maybe we lack proper etiquette, maybe we just don't care, whatever the case may be, my family didn't even know I wanted a bridal shower, so didn't think to throw me one. When I found out I was pregnant, I did feel the need to ask - not for someone to host it, but if anyone was planning on hosting it, and once again, nothing. So I started a pintrest board and added my mom and sister, and they have caught on, and are really excited. Maybe I was rude by the way I went about this? But I don't think anyone should be attacked based on their opinions, questions, or situations, especially by traveling board to board just to do so
I too am old school where I don't think it should look like you just want 'stuff' from people, but it's definitely in the approach. I think the bigger issue is that no one is offering to throw you one
So a few things I asked myself when reading this thread:
1) Would I like a shower thrown for me? Yes.
2) Would I throw one for myself if no one offered? No.
3) How would I feel about attending a shower thrown by the mother to be? Unsure. I'm not from the deep South, but I have never been to or heard of people throwing their own showers. So to me it seems a little off but maybe it's because I'm unfamiliar with the concept.
4) How would I feel about attending a shower with 100+ people, regardless if it was thrown by MTB or by others? Strange. To me the point of a shower is to be able to spend an ample amount of time with the MTB for close family/friends to talk about the baby and have good conversation before baby comes (and of course to shower MTB with gifts). I personally would feel like I was just another number (or gift) if I attended a shower with that many other people. I also imagine it would be hard to spend a fair amount of time with each guest when there are that many of them. I do think if I found out a 100 guest shower was thrown by the MTB it would seem a tad gift grabby. To me, attending a party after baby was born for that many people would make sense that MTB wants to show off her new pride and joy and wouldn't seem as gift grabby considering how hard it is to make an individual 'date' with that many people to meet the baby.
I'm sure this will be an UO on this board but I'll just throw this out there.
I'm going to host my own baby shower just because I'm a bit of a control freak. I see nothing at all wrong with hosting your own. I mean it's your baby, your baby shower, you shouldn't be forced to do something you don't want to just because of "bad etiquette". It's not their shower, don't let them tell you how to do it.
@LetMePatYourHairLots do you also think women wearing pants is a new thing that isn't right? Obviously everything new doesn't always stay and isn't always right but I think gifting honeymoon experiences isn't a horrible thing to become normal.
Forgive me for being a troll because I disagree, but I would never ask someone to pay for my honeymoon. We couldn't afford anything huge so we took a small 3 day trip to a nearby hiking place. We didn't hit everyone we knew up for money. It may be ok in your circle but I didn't grow up that way.
Forgive me for being a troll because I disagree, but I would never ask someone to pay for my honeymoon. We couldn't afford anything huge so we took a small 3 day trip to a nearby hiking place. We didn't hit everyone we knew up for money. It may be ok in your circle but I didn't grow up that way.
You don't become a troll by simply disagreeing. You become a troll when you have never posted on this BMB and suddenly jump in by bashing regular posters. If you are a dirty lurker, that's fine. Please introduce yourself as one before trashing people on a board you probably don't "belong" to.
Now this is annoying. Clearly some ladies WHO DON'T EVEN GO HERE have decided to pop over with their $0.02. What it must be like to have all of the free time to stalk random users on other boards over a controversial post somewhere else. Lives...some of you need to acquire them and quickly.
@rgz I can respect that feeling. Nothing you said was in any way insulting and you just explained your views which I don't mind at all. I know some girls on here have been saying they would do things like throw 3 different showers due to all the different people in their lives that would like to attend one. Putting the whole throwing one for yourself thing aside for a moment would it be better to maybe throw a family only shower, a friends only shower, and a coworker shower or is that just too much as well? I can understand that 100 people would be a crazy amount of people and if people are expecting to go to a small gathering and be able to have a conversation with the MTB and get some one on one attention that would be difficult with so many people. Is it a better idea to split them up and have a handful of baby showers? Or baby parties so it's not just a gift grabby thing? DH and I just have a lot of people that have already voiced that they want to come to our shower and it's adding up fast, especially since we already had so many family members that would obviously come.
I do remember the baby shower post on Dec15 being a bit scary. It is weird to me that THIS is an issue that people get all up in arms about... boring, don't care!
My mom told me she thinks I should host my own (because she is kind of inept when it comes to this kind of thing...) and I told her about the etiquette problem so she is going to 'host' and I'm going to guide her through it... our choices were changed by that discussion on dec15 because I don't want to offend anyone close to me (though I really think my circle couldn't care less). At this point I just don't even want to do it anymore. How is this fun? Bf wants to have a co-ed party at our house and now I'm all worried that people will think it's in bad taste. Too much stress over silliness!
I think it would definitely depend on what you feel more comfortable doing. I'm personally having 3 because of big family and my family split up while I was young so doing things seperated is the norm to me. I personally like both ideas. If you do have the one with over 100 people, maybe just inform the guests that it's a big baby shower with not just family but friends and coworkers? I think it would be kind of fun to meet so many people and get to know everyone.
Re: December moms win my love
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
Also why ask for opinions if you don't want them? I mean, you kind of brought it on yourself and then came over here to bad mouth everyone.
Nobody is losing sleep over some internet strangers lack of manners and etiquette. It's not like we're being invited.
Might've been shut down, not sure.
D15 = tower
Rest of TB = rest of the world
Jamie
I have a huge family also both my parents have a lot of siblings and I have at least 40 first cousins. I still kept my guest list under 50 people.
That's actually exactly how how it works. Same with a bridal shower.
Jamie
Obviously everything new doesn't always stay and isn't always right but I think gifting honeymoon experiences isn't a horrible thing to become normal.
When I found out I was pregnant, I did feel the need to ask - not for someone to host it, but if anyone was planning on hosting it, and once again, nothing. So I started a pintrest board and added my mom and sister, and they have caught on, and are really excited.
Maybe I was rude by the way I went about this?
But I don't think anyone should be attacked based on their opinions, questions, or situations, especially by traveling board to board just to do so
That's actually exactly how how it works. Same with a bridal shower.
Oh wow. Speaking of 'silly girls living in their own silly world.'
You girls really should get out more.
See...
1) Would I like a shower thrown for me? Yes.
2) Would I throw one for myself if no one offered? No.
3) How would I feel about attending a shower thrown by the mother to be? Unsure. I'm not from the deep South, but I have never been to or heard of people throwing their own showers. So to me it seems a little off but maybe it's because I'm unfamiliar with the concept.
4) How would I feel about attending a shower with 100+ people, regardless if it was thrown by MTB or by others? Strange. To me the point of a shower is to be able to spend an ample amount of time with the MTB for close family/friends to talk about the baby and have good conversation before baby comes (and of course to shower MTB with gifts). I personally would feel like I was just another number (or gift) if I attended a shower with that many other people. I also imagine it would be hard to spend a fair amount of time with each guest when there are that many of them. I do think if I found out a 100 guest shower was thrown by the MTB it would seem a tad gift grabby. To me, attending a party after baby was born for that many people would make sense that MTB wants to show off her new pride and joy and wouldn't seem as gift grabby considering how hard it is to make an individual 'date' with that many people to meet the baby.
I'm sure this will be an UO on this board but I'll just throw this out there.
See...
Quote box fail--------------------You become a troll when you have never posted on this BMB and suddenly jump in by bashing regular posters. If you are a dirty lurker, that's fine. Please introduce yourself as one before trashing people on a board you probably don't "belong" to.