Pregnancy body shaming

LEGALLYblonde86

Why do people think that just because you are pregnant it is acceptable to talk about your body?

2 examples:

1. My mom who was over for a visit the other day, walks into my kitchen, opens the cabinets and tells me I should really think about restocking with better choices, because (as she proceeds to look my body up and down) you could probably lay off the snacks. I have gained 9 lbs. 9 lbs is basically all accounted for with boobs, baby and amniotic fluid, so really I have gained no weight. I eat healthy, the snacks in the cabinets are more for my daughter and my husband. My usual choice for a snack is grapes and laughing cow or apples and PB or if I really want something "bad" I have either a glass of chocolate milk or a SERVING SIZE of chips.

2. My grandmother calls me today. She asks me if I am as big as I was with my first pregnancy. I asked her what she meant and she says "Well you were as big as a house with Olivia, don't you remember?". Seriously? I am 5'0". My daughter was 21.5 inches long at birth. There wasn't a whole lot of room for her in there except for out. I also lost 15 lbs because of morning sickness, by the time I went into labor at 42 weeks, I was 3 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight. I was not the size of a house and even if I was, I don't think it is ok for people to point it out. 

When did it become ok to mention how large a woman is? Being pregnant and knowing you are gaining weight does not make it ok for everyone to point it out. I promise you, I am well aware of how my body looks without your input.

Miz_Liz

Just my opinion, but the issue isn't people thinking it is okay to talk about people's bodies when they are pregnant....the issue is your mom and grandmother obviously have some warped sense of worth when it comes to women and looks. Sounds like they don't comprehend healthy vs. what a magazine shows. Shame on them.

schup156

I am actually having the opposite problem.  I don't know why, but with my first pregnancy and this one I just don't show much.  I measure much smaller (doc says maybe I just have a deep pelvis!).  So I constantly get people making comments like "are you sure your due date is right?"  "you're barely showing"  "I hate you, you're so tiny I was huge".  I think people mean it as some sort of compliment, but I actually find it insulting.  Both pregnancies I have had to have sizing ultrasounds towards the end to make sure baby was still growing, causing plenty of anxiety.  I certainly don't need other people adding to that anxiety with comments about how small I am.  I don't know why people need to comment either way on "how big" a pregnant person is. We all have mirrors and already know!

Miz_Liz

schup156 said:

I am actually having the opposite problem.  I don't know why, but with my first pregnancy and this one I just don't show much.  I measure much smaller (doc says maybe I just have a deep pelvis!).  So I constantly get people making comments like "are you sure your due date is right?"  "you're barely showing"  "I hate you, you're so tiny I was huge".  I think people mean it as some sort of compliment, but I actually find it insulting.  Both pregnancies I have had to have sizing ultrasounds towards the end to make sure baby was still growing, causing plenty of anxiety.  I certainly don't need other people adding to that anxiety with comments about how small I am.  I don't know why people need to comment either way on "how big" a pregnant person is. We all have mirrors and already know!

I agree that they mean it as a compliment. I think I was one of those who would always admire moms who carried so small BEFORE I was ever pregnant and before I understood all of the stress and anxiety that goes with being pregnant.

LEGALLYblonde86

Well that is defiantly true. They both have their own body issues, but they were just 2 examples I had. I have even had random people at walmart say things. One lady walked by and said "Oh, well you're about to go any day right?" I was 30 weeks. She walked away very quickly when I told her we still had 10 weeks to go

Miz_Liz

LEGALLYblonde86 said:

Well that is defiantly true. They both have their own body issues, but they were just 2 examples I had. I have even had random people at walmart say things. One lady walked by and said "Oh, well you're about to go any day right?" I was 30 weeks. She walked away very quickly when I told her we still had 10 weeks to go

There is a huge difference between this and what your grandmother and mother are saying/doing. This is probably someone who either did not have kids or who hasn't in a long time and we all sometimes forget how quickly people forget. She is probably not saying it as in, "Cut off the cookies fatty" she is more acknowledging you are pregnant and acknowledging that the last trimester of pregnancy is a long/difficult one where many women are ready to hit fast forward. I wouldn't lump the comments in the same category.

RaquelB94

I'm a cashier, so I'm constantly hearing all sorts of comments about my bump. Just yesterday I had an older woman tell me "oh my goodness you're HUGE, like seriously HUGE. I remember I was big like that with my first." %-( It's like ok, I get it you think I'm big but there was no need to emphasize it as much as she did.

emmacake08

Honestly both of these examples are why I've started to become more direct with people so atleast they're aware that they're hurting my feelings. I try to just say how I take things in an upfront non mean way. After IF and people saying ridiculous things like "if you get drunk and do it, you'll get pregnant. That's how I got pregnant" I found that being direct works better with word garbage.

toccoaparker

One of the doctors at the practice I use said my baby was going to be a fatty, I was not amused..
Talk about my hugeness all you want but bringing my UNBORN child in it? Rude.

jlsweets

emmacake08 said:

Honestly both of these examples are why I've started to become more direct with people so atleast they're aware that they're hurting my feelings. I try to just say how I take things in an upfront non mean way. After IF and people saying ridiculous things like "if you get drunk and do it, you'll get pregnant. That's how I got pregnant" I found that being direct works better with word garbage.

My sister just went through the same thing. After years of trying she just found out she is pregnant, they did embryo adoption and thankfully it was successful!  The past couple of years she said the amount of unwanted and ridiculous comments was so tiring that she had to finally be upfront with people, especially the "just get drunk" comment or the "just have to do it every night and not stress about it". I think most people don't even realize what they are saying until it is brought to their attention.

EmEeGee

I can't help what comes out of other people's mouths. But I can definitely recall things I said as a non-pregnant woman that I thought were compliments and now understand may not have been. I now just make it a point when I learn someone is pregnant or see someone who is to just tell them that they look beautiful. The few people who have had enough sense to not involve my weight and just said, "wow you look so great" or "your belly is adorable" are the ones who make my day. Just pass it on!

louiseambrose

I was at a BBQ festival over the weekend and passed some vender's trailer that had a guy with a (loud) mic trying to rile up the crowd, just doing a running commentary on their food, whatever. As I'm walking by (with DH and a friend) the guy goes, "Hey you! In the striped dress! I'd ask if you're hungry, but you're obviously already full!" I was so pissed, I didn't even look over but just put my hand in the air and flipped him off. Super mature, but really, guy? You think it's ok to comment on my body just because I'm clearly pregnant? Thanks. Anyway, all the people listening clapped for me, so I guess there was some consensus that he was inappropriate. And later I had a young guy stop me and say to his friends, "this is the pregnant lady who flipped off some dude, she's awesome." So yay?

SHieb

So I was out of town for over a month, left town at 28 weeks and came back at 33 weeks. So obviously I got bigger. I went to church and the pastor (jokingly, but still) said "wow, you got fat while you were gone!" Then a couple minutes later his wife goes "oh you don't look like you have 7 weeks left" so I'm like "oh really?" And she says "yeah you look like you're going to pop already". WHAT THE HECK, don't people get that women are still sensitive when they're pregnant. People shouldn't make comments when they don't know where somebody has been. I've always struggled really badly with body image, to the point of borderline anorexia in high school. They have no idea how hard it is for me to see my body change so dramatically! Okay, end rant lol

LEGALLYblonde86

SHieb said:

So I was out of town for over a month, left town at 28 weeks and came back at 33 weeks. So obviously I got bigger. I went to church and the pastor (jokingly, but still) said "wow, you got fat while you were gone!" Then a couple minutes later his wife goes "oh you don't look like you have 7 weeks left" so I'm like "oh really?" And she says "yeah you look like you're going to pop already". WHAT THE HECK, don't people get that women are still sensitive when they're pregnant. People shouldn't make comments when they don't know where somebody has been. I've always struggled really badly with body image, to the point of borderline anorexia in high school. They have no idea how hard it is for me to see my body change so dramatically! Okay, end rant lol

I think thats what it is. Like oh your pregnant so you shouldnt be so sensitive, because you already know you are bigger than you were. But thats the point, im pregnant, im super sensitive to peoples comments.

drummondst

I have a LOT of people telling me I look small/not big enough for how far along I am - wtf do they expect me to say to that?! But most people are very sweet and compliment my new shape a lot certainly not used to this much attention to my body though! PLEASE tell me people aren't supposed to comment on my post baby weight...

kedbach

If one more person says I look like I should be headed to L&D right now, I'm going to flip out. I had it more today than ever. I haven't gained too much weight, aside from the normal baby weight, amniotic fluid, etc. I can't help that I'm only 5'0".. Baby doesn't have much place to go but out. I haven't gotten wider, at all. I can still wear size 28-29 jeans, I just obviously can't button them because baby is taking up space where I usually have nothing! I just now (at 35 weeks) needed larger bras/ started wearing larger undies (mine fit, just not ultra comfy!). Baby is pretty long so she is literally taking up my whole torso, oh yeah, the torso that only has an inch between my ribs and beginning of my hip bone. How else do you think I'm going to look?!! It's funny because it's mainly older ladies who say that, so I guess it was a generational thing. It makes sense because my grandma said when she was pregnant with my dad, her doctor said she was only allowed to gain 15 lbs. really? 15? I guess times were different then and the older ladies don't understand now.

lethanne

I've experienced this as of late. Big or not big enough- I don't want to hear it! Seriously what is wrong with people? Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm open to hearing your comments about my bump. Big or small, keep it to yourself please.

CaliforniaDream87

I guess I'm not sensitive then. These comments really don't bother me as some of the women here. If it bothers you, just tell them.

krasbury

My grandmother makes comments like that, too! She's told multiple times during my pregnancy that I have a big butt, that my stomach is huge, etc. She was like that before I was pregnant though, too. I struggled with my weight a few years ago before losing weight and finally becoming happy with how I looked. Even though I was content with my appearance, she'd buy these small outfits and tell me they were for when I lost the rest of the weight...even though I was down to 140 at 5'5. Now she gets me tiny dressed to wear after I lose the baby weight and gets them in size 4...I haven't worn size 4 since high school!

Huaylas

I'm getting really tired of the "now don't go into labor on me!!" Yes, I am a pregnant woman in the later part of my third trimester so I am large, but trust me, if I even have an inkling that I'm going into labor, my ass will be nowhere near your insulting presence. People suck!

Joie80

krasbury said:

My grandmother makes comments like that, too! She's told multiple times during my pregnancy that I have a big butt, that my stomach is huge, etc. She was like that before I was pregnant though, too. I struggled with my weight a few years ago before losing weight and finally becoming happy with how I looked. Even though I was content with my appearance, she'd buy these small outfits and tell me they were for when I lost the rest of the weight...even though I was down to 140 at 5'5. Now she gets me tiny dressed to wear after I lose the baby weight and gets them in size 4...I haven't worn size 4 since high school!

This is horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

emmiemae08

I can definitely relate to these stories. I work retail in a small community. Everyone thinks they can comment on how huge I am. And as californiadream87 said, we could always tell them that it bothers us, but then people start making comments on how hormonal you are. There is no winning. Not that I'm counting, but 36 days left until I'm outta here!

GirlOnTheBeach

I just shrug it off. I try to remember that people are just people and we all put our foot in our mouth at some point. I get told I look ready to pop or that I look small for being so far along all the time. People just don't know what pregnancy should look like because everyone carries differently so if I look different than they did, or than their friend did, etc, they seem surprised and that filter between their thoughts and their mouth just seems to fail to catch their words before they say them ;-)

ambercdc

Totally agree on this topic. Everyone keeps telling me how "great" I look and how cute my bump is, which are great complements but make me paranoid because my belly is small for 34 weeks and baby girl has iugr definitely something I may have said to others before being pregnant but now would be crazy cautious and never comment on a pregnant ladies size at all. It's mostly out of your control and something that looks "good" on the outside could be caused by issues inside so everyone should be incredibly sensitive

lrichhx05

One day I'll have someone tell me I look huge, the next someone tells me I look small. While I personally wouldn't comment on a pregnant woman's size it really doesn't bother me. I remember when I wasn't showing yet and couldn't wait to have a bump so I'm just enjoying people being able to tell I'm pregnant, regardless of what they say to me.

puccagirl77

It is super annoying that people feel entitled to make comments about your body just because you are pregnant. And if I have to hear one more time about how my MIL only gained 20 lbs . . . Guess what? IDGAF

fionalouise007

Hmm.. Rude.

1. Whaaaaat? 9lbs is NOTHING! Let alone 3lbs from your previous pregnancy. Talk about pressure.

2. I agree with @Miz_Liz.. I don't think their problem is pregnancy related, I think they must have an unhealthy view of 'normal' when it comes to body image and judging others. Try not to let it bother you.. They should keep their mouths shut.

cosplaymom

Yeesh. I gained 40 lbs with both pregnancies... So far no issues with it!

I had strangers comment on my size around 28 weeks (I popped out quick with the second baby) and they seemed taken aback when I told them that and No, I'm not due any day now. I have a big baby.

Not many comments lately.

kelsiwoodell

I am a server and for some reason EVERY table has to comment on how big I look. I am 34weeks with a big baby! the doctor estimated between 8-10 pounds.... mind u I'm only 5"2 and have a petite build. I have never had the luxury of having hips so there is no where for baby to hide, he's all in my belly! the constant "wow were u due yesterday?!" or "you look like you're about to pop!" or even worse the outbursts from male coworkers or friends "OH MY GOD! YOUR STOMACH IS HUGE!" really is starting to piss me off. even other woman who have had babies ask if I'm having twins!!!! NO! my belly is big and my body is small... (I am normally a 00 jean size!!) obviously it's going to look even bigger on a small body. it really bothers me to the point where I don't even want to work anymore! people are rude and ignorant without even realizing!!!! how about don't make any comment on my size!!!

countryrhodes90

I had a lady tell me yesterday my face looked swollen, followed by a very uncomfortable 30 seconds of concerned eye contact. Yes I know my face looks different.. It's one of the main things I'm self conscious about! then she had to ask about my blood pressure, like it really was concerning her... I told her out was great. It probably was a lot higher right at that moment though.. geez people... @-)

jlbeaudry

One of the teachers at the school I work at constantly asks why I don't buy clothes that fit. Like wtf! I am wearing maternity clothes.