December 2015 Moms

Terrible mood

124

Re: Terrible mood

  • kleshelle said:
    Yes we ended up getting engaged, he did trade that ring in but he got a different one and didn't tell me that part. I know I live w my mom right now until me and SO figure out the next step.. & she makes me pay rent and on the bills, for my own food, my everything because I'm an adult as if I was on my own. Some parents might not be like that but isn't the case for everyone. That's how it should be, I'm not free loading off anyone.. Neither is my SO he actually pays everything at his moms bc she's a lazy pos and that's why he can't save... She gambles her money away and makes him give her more for whatever reason if not he will be kicked out. Also, he buys all the good there which he's hardly home to eat it his mom and brother stay there all day long and eat.... Hard situation to dig out of.
    Sooooooo......I think the ladies are being a little critical, I think there is only so much you can reveal and you dont owe any of us the full story and I appreciate that you haveshared as much as you have since this is a very sensitive subject for you. I also appreciate that you learned how to budget and take on adult responsibilities as far as bill pay. I do believe saving money for BABY should be your #1 priority right now. I know your SO may have his "priorities" caught in taking care of his mom, which there is nothing wrong but definitely DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN HELPING HIS MOM OR STIMULATING HIS POCKETS OR DEBT THAT IN ANY KIND OF SHAPE OR FORM ENCOURAGES HIS moms behavior. He needs to make the decision to do whats best for his family even if it means not fully supporting his mom after all she does have govt assistance right? He has to figure that out tho,I would sit down and have a convo with him on how you cannot help him with his debt until he helps himself and that would be first not giving his mom money to gamble it away otherwise your help financially for him is like running water all down the drain. I'm sorry if this offends you, I am a FTM but I am not underestimating anything when it comes to having a new born and what that entails for me financially, baby could get sick etc etc.and nobody will be as concerned or urgent about baby needs like a mother will while everyone else is still at work.



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  • misamima said:


    magburt said:

    @misamima I think a lot of the details are MUD. Seems like she has changed her story a few times.



    Perhaps for sympathy vote?

    Yes, or a cry for attention.
  • taysuntaysun member
    I think it's a possibility that you don't fully understand your boyfriend's financial situation. I don't presume to know everything about your life and you may have a much better grasp of what's going on than you've explained, I certainly know it's sometimes difficult to explain in writing especially when you're frustrated, but either way you and your boyfriend should sit down together, and then see a financial counselor, and discuss all income and expenses and what your goals are so you can save to achieve them. You might be able to come up with more cost effective options for the both of you. If you plan on getting married its important that you know what each other have for debts and bills. You don't want to get stuck struggling to support yourself, your baby, and his family.
  • He can't save obviously bc he has to feed into her in order to keep a roof over his head, I'm sure it adds up I'm not sure how much he throws her way. She gets so much a month to live off of and she usually spends it on stupid cigars and gambling before she buys her child food for the house so my SO has to take it upon himself to care for them bc she has her priorities all messed up. That's the story I get, I'm not there to see it personally but that's why I've been told from him. I'm sure there's more to it than that. Plus the amount he's throwing into a lawyer for his past DUIS that's been ongoing for 2 years. They keep pushing it longer and longer instead of figuring out what to do w those DUIS. Once again, his car payment is double mine they screwed him at this car lot because they knew he had to have a car to get to work. I wasn't there when he bought the car I wasn't there for half of the things he has to pay for now. I don't know his story in detail I know pieces, I do know enough to know it's ridiculous and his car is far from nice. the miles are well over 150,000 on it, it's an Oldsmobile.... He doesn't have nice things that he pays for he has a sucky situation and family life. He's doing good from where he's came from. He's actually the only person in his family who owns a car I'd that tells you about their living situation sadly. Regardless money goes out the door on his mother and little brother bc she can't get her life together, he has no choice but to help to keep w roof over his head. I'm able to save, but still we've ran how much food will cost weekly, we've ran our bills together versus what we make them we figured up rent and utilities... His car payment is what's screwing us so bad. The money he throws into that is enough for rent. There's no way around that though, not an option to share my car even if we did get rid of his car the money he owes on the loan would mess up what credit he does have because it's gradually getting better. It'll be paid off in the next year so his credit should jump once that's paid off. Try going to a car lot some random guy owns, without a down payment, with terrible credit and see what kind of deal you get on a crappy car... The numbers aren't pretty. I'm done speaking of this, all I know is it's overwhelming (his situation) had he been in a better one we would be okay but the cards he was dealt weren't the best but you gotta play what ya get.
  • 313Meg313Meg member
    kleshelle said:
    Yes we ended up getting engaged, he did trade that ring in but he got a different one and didn't tell me that part. I know I live w my mom right now until me and SO figure out the next step.. & she makes me pay rent and on the bills, for my own food, my everything because I'm an adult as if I was on my own. Some parents might not be like that but isn't the case for everyone. That's how it should be, I'm not free loading off anyone.. Neither is my SO he actually pays everything at his moms bc she's a lazy pos and that's why he can't save... She gambles her money away and makes him give her more for whatever reason if not he will be kicked out. Also, he buys all the good there which he's hardly home to eat it his mom and brother stay there all day long and eat.... Hard situation to dig out of.
    Sooooooo......I think the ladies are being a little critical, I think there is only so much you can reveal and you dont owe any of us the full story and I appreciate that you haveshared as much as you have since this is a very sensitive subject for you. I also appreciate that you learned how to budget and take on adult responsibilities as far as bill pay. I do believe saving money for BABY should be your #1 priority right now. I know your SO may have his "priorities" caught in taking care of his mom, which there is nothing wrong but definitely DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN HELPING HIS MOM OR STIMULATING HIS POCKETS OR DEBT THAT IN ANY KIND OF SHAPE OR FORM ENCOURAGES HIS moms behavior. He needs to make the decision to do whats best for his family even if it means not fully supporting his mom after all she does have govt assistance right? He has to figure that out tho,I would sit down and have a convo with him on how you cannot help him with his debt until he helps himself and that would be first not giving his mom money to gamble it away otherwise your help financially for him is like running water all down the drain. I'm sorry if this offends you, I am a FTM but I am not underestimating anything when it comes to having a new born and what that entails for me financially, baby could get sick etc etc.and nobody will be as concerned or urgent about baby needs like a mother will while everyone else is still at work.

    Over the course of us being on the BMB, OP has done quite a bit of her "story" sharing. So this is gathered from what she has provided in the past and is currently providing. If you look, you can see she posts almost daily.


  • 313Meg said:




    kleshelle said:

    Yes we ended up getting engaged, he did trade that ring in but he got a different one and didn't tell me that part. I know I live w my mom right now until me and SO figure out the next step.. & she makes me pay rent and on the bills, for my own food, my everything because I'm an adult as if I was on my own. Some parents might not be like that but isn't the case for everyone. That's how it should be, I'm not free loading off anyone.. Neither is my SO he actually pays everything at his moms bc she's a lazy pos and that's why he can't save... She gambles her money away and makes him give her more for whatever reason if not he will be kicked out. Also, he buys all the good there which he's hardly home to eat it his mom and brother stay there all day long and eat.... Hard situation to dig out of.

    Sooooooo......I think the ladies are being a little critical, I think there is only so much you can reveal and you dont owe any of us the full story and I appreciate that you haveshared as much as you have since this is a very sensitive subject for you. I also appreciate that you learned how to budget and take on adult responsibilities as far as bill pay. I do believe saving money for BABY should be your #1 priority right now. I know your SO may have his "priorities" caught in taking care of his mom, which there is nothing wrong but definitely DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN HELPING HIS MOM OR STIMULATING HIS POCKETS OR DEBT THAT IN ANY KIND OF SHAPE OR FORM ENCOURAGES HIS moms behavior. He needs to make the decision to do whats best for his family even if it means not fully supporting his mom after all she does have govt assistance right? He has to figure that out tho,I would sit down and have a convo with him on how you cannot help him with his debt until he helps himself and that would be first not giving his mom money to gamble it away otherwise your help financially for him is like running water all down the drain. I'm sorry if this offends you, I am a FTM but I am not underestimating anything when it comes to having a new born and what that entails for me financially, baby could get sick etc etc.and nobody will be as concerned or urgent about baby needs like a mother will while everyone else is still at work.

    Over the course of us being on the BMB, OP has done quite a bit of her "story" sharing. So this is gathered from what she has provided in the past and is currently providing. If you look, you can see she posts almost daily.





    When I say critical I mean when she first wrote this discussion there were some questions that needed to be answered by her before everyone started hashing their opinions. Her original post left a open area for many assumptions and I wish she would of had a chance to answer and clarify a few questions and statements before anyone jumped to conclusions..I know sometimes when people are just spilling their emotions things come across vague and not communicated well because they are just frustrated, spilling their thinking process without finishing it.
  • I agree 100% I've straight told him this but he's stubborn, he is wanting a place me him and the baby here in the next month so he can cut the crap w his mom. Why can't he now? I don't know, she won't even take care of her younger son, he gets thrown on my SO to get taken care of. So why would she care about her grandchild? ... Aggravating trust me, he has stood up and told her no more and she is fine w it for a couple days until she's out of money again and "needs" it for something.... It's a vicious cycle that needs cut. She needs to honestly go to rehab and get help I know she's an addict, I know she has multiple issues and abuses the system as well as the meds she's on. Just frustrating he's thrown in that mess and can't escape until we find a place which back to me being overwhelmed and not making much and being the only one saving everything is so expensive here compared to what I'm used to. I've lived on my own before in KY it was a breeze.. Here not so much. Frustration level is high and gives me headaches thinking about it. We're getting to crunch time too which adds to the stress.
  • The trouble is if he stays in that situation nothing will change. If he really wants to get a place for the both of you then he needs to save the money. I know it is hard and not ideal but if he were to room somewhere even for a few months and truly cut her off then that is money that could go towards a new place. I don't know how old the brother is but if he is just a kid (under 16) then I understand wanting to help. If he is older then he should get a job but if not then maybe your fiancé can try to find a way to help without his mother being involved. It is frustrating but this could be a glimpse to your future. Think about it and talk with him. He is trapped in a cycle that he may not know how to walk away from. Suggest counseling to help him through it. There are programs out there for addicts. Most of the time that extends to family members as well because addiction is not just a personal problem.
  • CMDDCMDD member
    edited July 2015
    @kleshelle this sounds so confusing and stressful! DH and I waited until we both had graduate (MD and MA) degrees, a nice savings, 2 fully owned cars, and $0 debt of any kind before going off of birth control and getting pregnant and I still stress some days about all of this. It sounds like your mom is being incredibly kind to let you stay with her. I hope you can stay a while longer and create a good life for you and your baby before you take on the responsibility of living with your boyfriend and dealing with his debt and family issues. 

    (edit for grammar)
  • rgzrgz member
    CMDD said:

    @kleshelle this sounds so confusing and stressful! DH and I waited until we both had graduate (MD and MA) degrees, a nice savings, 2 fully owned cars, and $0 debt of any kind before going off of birth control and getting pregnant and I still stress some days about all of this. It sounds like your mom is being incredibly kind to let you stay with her. I hope you can stay a while longer and create a good life for you and your baby before you take on the responsibility of living with your boyfriend and dealing with his debt and family issues. 


    (edit for grammar)
    This hits home for me as I also waited (and took careful measures against pregnancy) until I felt financially and mentally ready to have a child with someone (my husband in my case) who was on the same page as me and willing to do what it takes to put the well being of our child above anything else and provide a stable and loving environment for our baby to grow up in. I understand that unplanned pregnancies happen (not sure if this one for OP was planned or not) and you have to make the most of what you can. I really do hope OP can get things figured out to provide a stable and loving environment for her baby, even if that means not marrying SO and thus avoiding the burden of legally introducing all of his and his family's debts and other issues/problems into her life for good.
  • lalg28lalg28 member
    It sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with the father. No more DUIs, no more funding his mothers gambling problem and he needs to consult someone on future purchases so he doesn't overpay for things like cars again. Talk to a financial counselor.
  • @AudriannaMaria Just wanted to be sure you saw my suggestion to alert the government to your change in status/household income now that you've moved home with you mom? Obviously, you don't need to take the suggestion but I would hate to see you not realize and have to return money. Here is their household size requirements and contact info:

    Good luck mama!imageimage
  • Great info and insight @BostonBaby1
  • Thanks! @BostonBaby1 that must be the new one. I can assure you I will not have to pay any back. :) thanks for being so considerate. That would be an awful thing to go through...paying back an excessive amount of money. Yikes.
  • colsen4colsen4 member
    edited July 2015
  • kleshelle said:

    He can't save obviously bc he has to feed into her in order to keep a roof over his head, I'm sure it adds up I'm not sure how much he throws her way. She gets so much a month to live off of and she usually spends it on stupid cigars and gambling before she buys her child food for the house so my SO has to take it upon himself to care for them bc she has her priorities all messed up. That's the story I get, I'm not there to see it personally but that's why I've been told from him. I'm sure there's more to it than that. Plus the amount he's throwing into a lawyer for his past DUIS that's been ongoing for 2 years. They keep pushing it longer and longer instead of figuring out what to do w those DUIS. Once again, his car payment is double mine they screwed him at this car lot because they knew he had to have a car to get to work. I wasn't there when he bought the car I wasn't there for half of the things he has to pay for now. I don't know his story in detail I know pieces, I do know enough to know it's ridiculous and his car is far from nice. the miles are well over 150,000 on it, it's an Oldsmobile.... He doesn't have nice things that he pays for he has a sucky situation and family life. He's doing good from where he's came from. He's actually the only person in his family who owns a car I'd that tells you about their living situation sadly. Regardless money goes out the door on his mother and little brother bc she can't get her life together, he has no choice but to help to keep w roof over his head. I'm able to save, but still we've ran how much food will cost weekly, we've ran our bills together versus what we make them we figured up rent and utilities... His car payment is what's screwing us so bad. The money he throws into that is enough for rent. There's no way around that though, not an option to share my car even if we did get rid of his car the money he owes on the loan would mess up what credit he does have because it's gradually getting better. It'll be paid off in the next year so his credit should jump once that's paid off. Try going to a car lot some random guy owns, without a down payment, with terrible credit and see what kind of deal you get on a crappy car... The numbers aren't pretty. I'm done speaking of this, all I know is it's overwhelming (his situation) had he been in a better one we would be okay but the cards he was dealt weren't the best but you gotta play what ya get.

    I don't understand why you want to marry or be with someone who has so much baggage and drama. This is YOUR LIFE and you only get one shot at it, don't settle! You don't marry just a person you marry their entire family, and you are setting your life for a whirlwind of drama if you stay with this guy. Yes, he's yours baby's dad, but that also means you are going to drag your kid through all this drama too.

    This is going to get a real unpopular response but have you considered adoption? The cycle that you and your boyfriend are in - needs to stop and it's going to be hard to get on your feet especially with a precious baby who needs love and attention and a stable environment.

    Wishing you all the best!!!
  • @MrsBwIVF you're a little Mean Girls and a little Easy A and I like it a lot!

    image
  • @kristen2b, we can all learn a lot if we would just rewatch old SBTB episodes.
  • @MrsBwIVF you're a little Mean Girls and a little Easy A and I like it a lot! image



    image
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