Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How to cope at work?

I just had a miscarriage yesterday and I have been off work for part of Friday last week, yesterday (Monday) and today. I work in a pretty high pressure time sensitive environment but my bosses told me not to worry about the work the past few days. Despite this, I have been checking my email on my phone and there are a number of people who have emailed me and are getting my out of office response yet they are basically spamming my email trying to get a response and sending some pretty terse emails because they can't get a hold of me. This is the industry I work in and usually it doesn't bother me but I feel like I'm going to snap. They obviously don't know what is going on but I feel like I am going to lose control and completely lose it on these people! How do you handle pressure back at work? How do you keep it together? I feel like I'm going to say or do things that I will later regret but I am just so angry I feel I can't control myself. I just don't know what to do??

Re: How to cope at work?

  • Maybe you could speak with your superior to see if someone could handle your responsibilities until you are able to get back to work. Failing that, I would urge you to disconnect from your email. If you keep reading the emails it is going to be more difficult to keep yourself from responding. You need to look after yourself. You should be your number one priority. If your bosses have given you the OK to take time out then that is what matters. Take care.
  • The way I dealt with people is I would write an email telling them exactly how I felt (do NOT fill out the "to" line!), and then I would delete it. It helped to get the words out. 
    Of course, it would be completely unprofessional to actually send it, so do NOT do that! lol
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    🌈  Preemie 2016  🌈
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  • Being back at work is the worst, I'm there too. Really difficult not to lash out at people who are asking me to do stuff, though I know they just don't realize how much physical/emotional pain we're in. 

    I would put an extended absence automatic reply on your email saying something like "Thank you for message. Please note that I am in the process of answering a very large volume of emails and may not be able to answer all messages promptly. I am very appreciative of your patience, and will answer you as soon as I can." And maybe if you can find someone to help you something like "For urgent matters requiring a response within 24 hours please contact XXX" 

    Something like that - no details, no over the top apologies - just this is going to take time people... Sending you some strength - we appreciate how hard it is and that we are all doing the very best we can. 
  • Ugh, it's so hard.  I work in a demanding job as well, so it was very noticeable when I suddenly missed 2 consecutive days of work for my first miscarriage and D&C.  When people asked where I was, I didn't have it in me to lie, so I just told them I was out because I had a miscarriage, which really causes people (especially men) to back off.  Of course, if you're dealing with clients or anyone other that co-workers you deal closely with it would probably be awkward to share that. Sorry you're having to go through this!!
  • I went back to work a few days after my MC. I was very distraught and couldn't keep it together. I, too, have a high-stress job, and it started to take a toll as I was getting a million emails and phone calls and projects. I think I sobbed the whole first day at work. What was really helpful for me was to tell my boss, and the coworkers I worked with directly, the situation. They were incredibly supportive and very understanding. They were interested in my emotional and physical wellbeing, and put more on their plates to help relieve the pain. I know it's incredibly difficult, and I still have days where I don't want to do anything but cry, but it will get easier. For me, talking about it was my way of closure. I was in such denial, but when I talked about it, I knew it was real, and that I would be able to get through it. If it's too fresh and difficult to tell them, then maybe write it out in a letter or an email. I think you'd be surprised just how supportive your coworkers would be. 
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    5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
  • I am sorry you are going through this.

    I made the decision to tell a few close people and my boss what was going on. Everyone was very supportive and gave me some space. I hope as time goes by, it gets easier though I don't believe the pain will go away.

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