Tips For Getting Hot & Heavy? — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

Tips For Getting Hot & Heavy?

Alright ladies, I need your help! This morning was the first time my SO and have had sex since we conceived. It's not because of sickness or fatigue or anything like that... I just straight up haven't been interested in having sex, and pregnancy seems like a really good excuse not to put any effort into it. 

My man is a good one and he won't (dare) complain, but I feel bad going from twice a week to once in five weeks. I don't want this pattern to continue, especially if my entire reason is "I don't feel like it", but I also don't want sex to feel like another chore or obligation.

I'm sure I'm not the only one this has happened to! Please share any tips or tricks you have for getting yourself in the mood (when you really aren't)... Oh, and feel free to get a little racy!


Re: Tips For Getting Hot & Heavy?

  • The best advice I have seen is fake it til you make it. The more we have sex the more our bodies will want sex. At least when we aren't pregnant. I have no idea how all of the hormones affect it.

    Usually if I'm not feeling it I let my husband try to get me interested and in 5 years of marriage, I can count on one hand the number of times I just could not get into it.

    Can you try a good old fashioned make out session, with no expectations, and see where it goes? Or let him take sexy pictures of you for his own uses?

    That said, if you can't do it you can't do it. You can be intimate without sex. There are plenty of couples who can't have sex for various reasons. It's not the end of the world even though people act like it is. Once the baby is here and you've healed and adjusted, I'm sure things will get back to normal. In the whole of your lives together, should a few months of spotty sex really determine your relationships health? I don't think so. :-)
    l4rk
  • Read some naughty books. Have you read 50 Shades? If so, try the Crossfire series. They won't disappoint.
    cali1710l4rkJamilla9
  • I have the opposite problem. I am in the mood constantly but due to pregnancy issues with this pregnancy ( and the last one) I am on pelvic rest. I know this is best for the pregnancy and baby but it stinks. Hopefully at 12 week ultrasound the bleed will clear up and I can be released from rest. Until then we still have fun, just not sex :(
  • I'm with the fake it til you make it advice. I've had a very low sex drive (I think it's due to my perpetually low progesterone levels) since we've been married and I found I felt a lot worse if I said no out of 'not feeling like it than if I just tried to get into it for his sake! It's worth it IMHO. That said, if you're feeling gross or sick, hubs will understand I'm sure!
    Married 6/1/13
    BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
    BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
    BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
    BFP #4  4/2015 MC 7/1/15
    BFP #5 10/21/15  EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow! 
    l4rk
  • Well I can't speak for everyone, but last time I felt awful and had no sex drive for all of first tri but once second tri came I couldn't get enough! Hang in there.
    l4rkTinyDancer51510
  • @WineBaby122 you have given me hope! I have 0 sex drive right now. My poor poor husband :( I'm sick 24/7 so I never wNt to do it everrrr
    katyschafer
  • My poor husband is such a trooper. I am so beyond tired that sex is the last thing on my mind. On top of that, it's the last few weeks of school for me, so I am going crazy, trying to wrap up my teaching and packing my classroom for the summer. Im hoping that it will get better as time goes on, like some posters have stated.

  • magburt said:

    Read some naughty books. Have you read 50 Shades? If so, try the Crossfire series. They won't disappoint.

    Hated 50 shades, LOVE the crossfire series! Just finished the 4th book today. Gideon and Eva are fantastic and I never want their story to end!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    cali1710TinyDancer51510
  • l4rkl4rk
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited May 2015
    You ladies are amazing!! Thank you! I'll try faking it 'til I make it. :)  I also have 50 Shades sitting on my shelf... A friend gave it to me but I haven't actually tried to read it yet. Perhaps now's the time!

    I think I'll tell my man he needs to start making moves if he wants some, too. I'm almost always the one to initiate things, so I think he assumes that if I'm not seducing him, then I wouldn't be up for it. Perhaps he needs some encouragement that he's always welcome to try to get things going...
  • I had a low drive prior to pregnancy, but now it's zero! It doesn't help that my morning sickness is at night, and being super sensitive to smells, and DH has breath issues (medically) so even kissing is hard.

    I feel bad, but know that typically 2nd trimester is better.
    Me: 32 DH: 32
    Married 11/24/13
    DD1 born 12/24/15
    TTC #2 Aug. 16
    BFP for #2 11/22/16





    Aug17 December Siggy Challenge: Funny Pics of Kids Afraid of Santa



  • DaphneMoon1DaphneMoon1
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited June 2015
    Th

    Well I can't speak for everyone, but last time I felt awful and had no sex drive for all of first tri but once second tri came I couldn't get enough! Hang in there.

    This gives me hope.

    I agree OP, I am NOT in the mood. I feel bloated, nauseous and fat. Not exactly get-it-on vibes. I've told DH he needs to warm my up. I always tell him, "you don't take a frozen thanksgiving day turkey and put it straight in the oven. It needs thawed and basted and lathered in butter." A little massage or heavy petting can usually get me to change my mind.
    l4rk
  • Oddly enough my husband wants sex now more than ever! The whole time we've been together he's always told me that when I get pregnant he probably won't be very interested in having sex knowing there's a baby in there. However now that I am pregnant (8 weeks 4 days) he can't get enough! He actually told me that he's even more turned on now that I'm pregnant lol. I do have to turn him now pretty often ( he wants it like 5 times a day every day!) But it turns me on just knowing that to him I look sexy even though I feel like crap
    l4rk
  • My biggie smalls Pandora station, watching Buffy the vampire slayer, giving a blowjob, getting a massage from DH all work for me. And worst comes to worst, fake being into it and then fake an orgasm so you can go to sleep!
    l4rk
  • I agree with the fake it till you make it suggestion. One thing that tends to get me in the mood is dressing up. I love my nighties and lingerie and I feel more excited when I put it on. :)
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • magburt said:

    Read some naughty books. Have you read 50 Shades? If so, try the Crossfire series. They won't disappoint.

    Hated 50 shades, LOVE the crossfire series! Just finished the 4th book today. Gideon and Eva are fantastic and I never want their story to end!
    You have good taste if you hated 50 Shades. ;-) I've never heard of Crossfire.
  • magburt said:

    Read some naughty books. Have you read 50 Shades? If so, try the Crossfire series. They won't disappoint.

    Hated 50 shades, LOVE the crossfire series! Just finished the 4th book today. Gideon and Eva are fantastic and I never want their story to end!
    You have good taste if you hated 50 Shades. ;-) I've never heard of Crossfire.
    I second the crossfire series!!!!! DH loves when I read those books - usually puts me in the mood!
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