Alcoholic mother — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Alcoholic mother

My mother and I have always had s really bad relationship. She is an alcoholic and avid pill popper. I have started to ween myself from the relationship over the past two years. My parents are still married and I am close with my dad which makes it impossible to cut mom out 100%. Just recently I have been getting a lot of pressure to allow her into my life and to let her come to the shower. At first I was hesitant because she always makes a scene at big events or she just gets drunk. We had a trial run recently where I had a big bbq in my yard and she showed up drunk and caused a massive scene in front of everyone. I don't want her at my shower. I don't feel like she deserves the chance to make things right. However a few people in my family say that not having Her will make me look bad and will make a larger scene then just having her. They also say that her absence is going to be distracting. We have a very large Latino family, family is a big important thing to us but I feel that she doesn't deserve to come. What do you think?

Re: Alcoholic mother

  • aleecatsaleecats member
    edited May 2015

    I think you need to do what's best for you, and it sounds like having her there isn't it. Her not being there should not cause a "bigger scene" and to whomever told you it would should also be removed from your invite list if they intend to create one. I also come from a large Hispanic family and i told my mom who's planning my shower that I didn't want some huge blow out and asked her to only invite the family I'm closest too, of course when my invites we're received there was a small uproar that this person or that person didn't receive one but my mom stood firm as did I that I wanted something small and I didn't know a lot of this family personally and eventually any disruption was put to rest. My point being that if you stand firm in what you believe is right everyone will follow suit it just may take a moment. Sorry your going through this but stay strong and know whatever you decide your doing the right thing for you!

    Edited: typos
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  • I can understand how you're feeling. My dad was an alcoholic and if he had still been drinking while I was pregnant or having my baby, I wouldn't have wanted him anywhere near my child or my shower. He was loud and disrespectful and usually made people very uncomfortable. Do what you feel like you need to do. I've started noticing that us soon to be moms have to make decisions as parents long before our babies actually arrive: this is one of them. Its your shower, and if you feel like you won't miss her there, don't invite her. But, with that said, I would encourage you to be open to forgiveness regarding your mom. Carrying around that excess stress and worry isn't good for you (or baby) either. You don't have to be her best friend, but you can choose to believe that her decisions will not impact your life any longer. When my dad finally did get sober, I was still very angry and felt like he didn't deserve a second chance. I then realized that I am in no way perfect either and if someone was holding me accountable every day for
    something I did in my life that I was truly sorry for and ashamed of, that would really hurt me. He and I were able to rebuild our relationship once he was able to get clean. Anyway, do what you feel is right. :) Only you know what that is. Good luck.
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  • ginger8484ginger8484 member
    edited May 2015
    I agree with miz Liz. This is exactly why I am not inviting certain people. My life is complex and my father died and I have estranged mother , that won't be joining , and I have mil and some of her friends that drank too much wine and made a scene at my partners cousins baby shower. I thinks of them dearly , but it's inappropriate to have alcohol at a baby shower . Especially if you can't handle yourself. That being said, from the get go, i do not want any alcohol at this special event. If you can't condone yourself then you have a problem and need to not come. I made sure who I wanted to invite and not and I know their might be people who will be hurt, but I don't like drama . This is all
    About love and fun. As for your mother, just speak to her calmly and rationale and lay down the law for what you expect. If she can't have boundaries or respect for you, then you know your answers. Everyone else will not deal with your mother, but only you. I hope all this gets squared away because I can see this being stressful for you.
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