Why Bother? — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Why Bother?

At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful B, why in the world did I spend HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS putting together a baby registry when exactly zero of my registry items have been checked off? My baby shower is in 6 days and not one thing has been taken off the list! I thought the whole idea was "This is what I need, if you would like to purchase a gift choose one of the following". I realize that a lot of people do gift cards these days but I have had at least a dozen people ask where we're registered. And not to sound stuck up or pretentious, because I LIVE for hand me downs, but this is my first baby and I don't want a bunch of used old stuff people picked up at yard sales....she's new, she needs new things. Whew....much better, I can't rant anywhere else without feeling like a horrible, ungrateful person!
Thj417cmathes14shaunnar053
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Re: Why Bother?

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  • Yep...that's why I wasn't venting this.... :-S it comes across horribly! I really, truly, honestly don't "expect" gifts from anyone. However when you're asked on a daily basis "Where are you registered, what do you need" and then it seems like all that work was for nothing, it kinda sucks. Also...hormones...in 2 months I'll probably be like "girl, chill"!
    ginger8484pabeybabyshaunnar053
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  • I view the registry as my own shopping list that I will use for a completion discount. If people wanted to buy off it, great. If they didn't, that's fine too. I just appreciated that people took the time to buy my baby anything at all!

    That being said, I had two registries going and on one, everything but three items were purchased, and on the other one, only the cloth diapers and a couple other items weren't purchased. Most of our gifts were registry items and I was totally shocked and moved that people bought what they did. We also got a lot of non-registry items that were totally cute and useful! There's still time before your shower and people who came to our shower were out shopping earlier that same day so you never know. You may just have some last minute shoppers. Also, sometimes things didn't show up as purchased when they were in fact purchased after all. That could be the case too.

    Try to just be appreciative of what people buy for you. After all, as the parents, it's ultimately our responsibility to buy the necessities for our children.
    neludeluginger8484Miz_Lizpamelagollob
  • edited May 2015
    Ok, so apparently I'm the only one who has gotten a little frustrated with something as dumb as a baby registry. Got it. Feeling much better about it now. Thanks. :|
    strauber
  • Baby2HGBaby2HG member
    I didn't even make one. Most people, I believe, don't even use them. They will buy what they want to buy not you telling them what to get you.
    ann_jeremiah
  • I feel like that's how it's gonna be for me and I hope not but I do know some people don't bother to look at registry and buy what they want or they do look at it but don't remember to show the cashier so that the item can be checked off so I guess it's a waiting game till your shower to see what you do and don't get , which does suck.
  • I really hate trying to convey tone on the internet...it's impossible. I'm not trying to be ungrateful and I'm not demanding people buying things. I just got a little (see a lot) whiney because I put a lot of thought into what I want my girl to have, and I thought I was being helpful to my friends and family by saying "Here if you want to get a gift, don't waste your time or money, this is what we need" and it feels like a waste sometimes. And I'd just like to throw out there I have no problem buying any of the things I registered for! I just needed to vent, and get a little bit of "Yeah, I feel ya! But, it'll be great, no worries" I feel more like, I just got scolded a little bit and that sucks worse :/
    ginger8484strauberlaylababe3shaunnar053
  • I really hate trying to convey tone on the internet...it's impossible. I'm not trying to be ungrateful and I'm not demanding people buying things. I just got a little (see a lot) whiney because I put a lot of thought into what I want my girl to have, and I thought I was being helpful to my friends and family by saying "Here if you want to get a gift, don't waste your time or money, this is what we need" and it feels like a waste sometimes. And I'd just like to throw out there I have no problem buying any of the things I registered for! I just needed to vent, and get a little bit of "Yeah, I feel ya! But, it'll be great, no worries" I feel more like, I just got scolded a little bit and that sucks worse :/

    Honestly, like the other poster said, most people buy at the last minute. Just wait and see what happens. Worst case scenario, people buy you things they think or hope you like and that's still pretty awesome because it shows they were trying to be thoughtful.
    ginger8484Miz_Liz
  • Ok, it's late and I am obviously being way over sensitive to....everything? So I think I need to step away for the night. I appreciate all of your input, and I agree! But I'm still pouty pants, let's see what the morning brings. I-)
    ginger8484laylababe3shaunnar053
  • I understand totally as I am in the same situation. ...baby shower next week and only 1 thing bought. I don't think you are ungrateful at all. I think it's normal to want nice things for your baby and that that is what registries are for! Hang in there girl...maybe people are buying the things in store and just forget to tell the cashier it's for a registry.
    ginger8484laylababe3shaunnar053
  • A lot of people will buy a gift the night before / day of shower. Most people usedy registery as a guide but didn't necessarily buy the exact item off of it. If you get a bunch of unnecessary items that you don't have a use for, just return them and exchange it for what you did register for. I think you will be surprised though on how thoughtful most people are with baby shower gifts. We recieved so many things I would have never realized could be life savers in the first few months with a new baby!
    SaratiffPurpleBookmarkginger8484Miz_Liz
  • Yeah people will get registry items the day of the shower. Just stop checking.
    AimSwagmeli1112holli0801ginger8484
  • I had a shower last weekend. And a lot of people never had the items taken off. So I got lots of duplicates. Don't worry you will get things.
    Robin910ginger8484
  • I guess you and I can be black sheeps together bc I have the same frustration right now. Dozens of people keep asking me where we're registered but nobody is actually purchasing from it. I keep trying to stress the importance of sticking to it because #1 I spent a lot of time putting together a list that would be as affordable as possible while still covering our needs, and #2 we get 10% of what was purchased back on a gift card to buy what's left. I am absolutely 100% grateful for anything we get and have made clear that I do not expect people to purchase the big ticket items on the registry (ie the $400 stroller we have on there so that when WE buy it, we get the 10% benefit.).

    My shower is far out enough that I'm able to hold out hope that my registry will be utilized but in the meantime, I understand your frustration!
    ginger8484KaylaLovesNoahshaunnar053
  • kezdkkezdk member
    I am from another country where I had never heard of a registry before - I was a little weirded out at the concept when I was asked if I had a wedding registry before we got married, but after finally putting one together, I was hyper aware of the things I ended up picking...I really kept it in the "needs and essentials" categories. I am glad I made a baby registry because it helped me to organize my own thoughts about what we will really be needing. I don't think it sounds ungrateful at all to be a little frustrated - if the whole point is for people to have an idea about what you need, then I understand the frustration you must feel when they do a 180 and ignore it completely. Registeries take a long time to put together...why bother if no one really wants to follow it. I went to a shower about a month ago where I had put together a gift from her registry, and as I watched her open gifts...there seemed to be nothing she had asked for at all. My MIL pointed out that most of the things on her registry were not purchased (she waits and checks the registry daily until the last minute to fill in any gaps for people) Again, I only asked for essentials since there are many things we were able to take as hand me downs from family, but I also understand the excitement and wishes for all things new and shiny for the most precious thing you have ever created and the most love you have ever felt. Some things sound so terrible when you say them out loud...and most people won't admit that they feel the same way because it is taboo, but we are human and it is ok to feel - as long as we don't have a real temper tantrum about it lol. I would love to have all things new...but the practical side of me keeps me in check - I will be the first one to admit that I felt a little sad at some of the hand me downs because they are not what I would have picked...but beggars can't be choosers and I am grateful that people are being generous in sharing.
    MouseMama817ginger8484hclzmm14
  • I totally agree!!!!! I just had a shower 3 weeks ago and I had $200 worth of gifts that people bought that I didbt register for... i know hmthe value, only because I returned everything thst I got that I didbt want!!!! I registered for things for a reason, I researched them and decided they are the best items for us and our baby, so I registered for them. Yes, a registry isn't s must buy me this list... but I think it's rude when people know about my registry, go to the store I'm registered at and then they don't buy me what I asked for, what I need! OP hopefully you can return the items that you get that you didn't want!...it's a pain but still fun to go shopping afterward for what you really need!!!
    shaunnar053
  • WSatisfiedPWSatisfiedP member
    edited May 2015
    People find joy in buying cutesy baby things like clothes blankets and toys (and here in the south having things monogrammed)! It's just a fact. It's why I never register for those things. Hopefully you can return some things that you don't want. You'll get a completion discount on anything not purchased so you can buy it yourself/exchange things for things you need). Also, people are horrible about having items checked off the list and everyone shops last minute.
    Mom to one in heaven. Mom to one here on Earth.

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    shaunnar053
  • Ok, so apparently I'm the only one who has gotten a little frustrated with something as dumb as a baby registry. Got it. Feeling much better about it now. Thanks. :|

    I am with you. As a first timer I didn't want a ton of hand me downs either. I would have been happy to have my husband and I buy everything for the baby if need be. But like you people kept asking where I was registered. I found making the registry way too stressful because it was so early in the pregnancy and I hadn't really formed that many opinions yet, but ended up really happy with my choices. I was a little shocked when I started getting texts from friends that I had chosen the wrong laundry detergent. Jokingly all I could think was "how did I screw up laundry detergent?"

    Anyway I didn't expect a shower but my mom really wanted one. We kept it small and I was thrilled to see so many of the things I had picked there. Sure there were a lot of things not on the list. But mostly things I hadn't thought about. Not replacements for things I chose. And now that it's over hubby and I can buy whatever we want for the rest.

    No answers but just know it would have driven me a bit batty when people want to know what you want, then critique your choices, then not buy any of it.
  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    I've already had 2 showers and only 6 things were bought from my registry. It's frustrating. When I was registering my mom warned me that people buy what they want too. I got the app Savy Shopper and I scan what I don't want so I know where to return it. :(
    Pregnancy Ticker
    hclzmm14
  • Up until recently, I really didn't see the importance of a gift registry. I bought cute things that I liked to give as gifts. I've now realized that it would probably be more appreciated to buy something that someone really wanted/needed. I'm sure there are a ton of people out there that still don't care about registries.
    dkizz82KyNo0405sschwege
  • I'm pregnant with my third. I love to buy a few of my favorite most used essentials for baby gifts. I don't mind purchasing items from a registry but feel my good experiences with favorites is a thoughtful way to get other mamas on board with helpful items. I hope they aren't disappointed that they may not be on the registry but I enjoy giving a more personal touch. Sometimes giving may be more exciting than getting and that's where gift receipts come in handy:)
    Kimk1616emmacake08Miz_Liz
  • heath3er said:

    I had a shower last weekend. And a lot of people never had the items taken off. So I got lots of duplicates. Don't worry you will get things.

    This exactly. My SO and I have been purchasing items off of our own registry and for some odd reason, they aren't actually showing on the registry as purchased except for one item that was done online. I'm not sure where you're registered but I'm registered at BRU and Target and having the most issues with BRU. Idk what's going on with the system or the cashier.
  • Are you having a girl? I swear more people shop off the registry when the baby is a girl. Boy stuff tends to me boring :(. That being said, can't change it too much. Keep the reciepts and try to return!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • When I shop for a shower I do try to buy off the registry but because I have a limited budget sometimes what I buy doesn't seem like "enough". For example a friend registered for a ton of cute, adorable stuff but all I could afford was maybe one cloth diaper cover and some outlet covers lol. I felt too bad just giving her one diaper cover so I was able to put together a nice baby basket with a board book, bath supplies, an outfit, etc. for the same price.

    I'm sure you'll have a lovely shower, and you may end up loving something you receive from outside of your registry. Also sometimes hand me downs are even cuter than what they're selling in stores :)

    sschwege
  • I agree I usually shop last minute. You have six days left. Don't sweat it. And if you registered awhile ago, some stuff may not be in the store anymore. It happens at target all the time. It says it's there but it isn't. That style or pattern or color is out. And if you get something that is at all different(like blue instead of green,) it won't be taken off the list.
  • kclg10kclg10 member
    Wow. How ungrateful. Let me guess, are you also throwing your own shower? It's no ones job to provide you with the items you want for your baby. If you get items not on your registry, return items you didn't want and buy it your self.


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    sschwegeMiz_LizSaratiff
  • KyNo0405 said:

    Yes, a registry isn't s must buy me this list... but I think it's rude when people know about my registry, go to the store I'm registered at and then they don't buy me what I asked for...

    Wow. I never thought that people taking their time to go to a store (when they could be doing something else they'd rather do) and spend their money (that they could have spent on something for themselves) on something they thought would be nice for my child could ever be rude.


    Well i feel, the People who have better things to do and better things to spend their money on shouldn't come to my shower then! Theyre not obligated to go or bting a gift, so say NO! I've been to showers for everybody that we've invited to the shower as they're either family or good friends, and I've given them gifts off their registry. It's what you do. So if somebody feels they don't want to attend then they shouldn't. My point, which you seemed to miss - was if you are at babies r us shopping for a shower gift for me, why wouldn't you make it easier on both of us and buy me something you know that I want? It's a waste of my time to need to go back to the store to return items only to rebuy what I wanted!
  • The same thing happened to us and we ended up getting hundreds of dollars in gift cards that more than covered the necessities that we needed. Keep an open mind, if you're worried, post a reminder on FB like "Hey guys, for those asking, don't for get we are registered at...."
    KyNo0405butlergirl23
  • Joie80Joie80 member
    edited May 2015
    Realistically, showers include gifts. I understand that you want what you want. Hang onto receipts and exchange what doesn't work.
  • Your registry shouldn't be a list of "gifts", it should be a list of things you intend to buy. I made one to help organize my thoughts and get the completion discount closer to my due date. Had my mom not made the invitations and included it in them, I wouldn't have put my registry information in the invite for my guests. My mom insisted because she likes using registries so she can get people what they want/need. Also, as far as hand me downs go, I was gifted a TON of newborn to 6 month hand me downs and I was so grateful. They grow so much those first few months, they are out of one size before they even have the chance to wear all the clothes you got them. Its a huge relief to know I don't have to buy any new clothes for her for a while and when she outgrows her newborn stuff, I won't be mad about the money I spent on clothes that she either wore once or never wore at all. Hand me downs are a HUGE saver and you use that money you're not spending on clothes on other things. Like the things on your registry.


    Just to give you another perspective.
    Kimk1616Miz_Lizcg0112358
  • I feel the need to clarify the hand me down thing, as I said I love hand me downs, I already have a ton of second hand clothes! I am just weary of hand me down strollers or carseqt or anything that is supposed to protect my baby that could be damaged or faulty!
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