am I selfish? — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

am I selfish?

my husband has some friends whom I prefer don't come around of child, most of which are just getting out of jail/prison, some are females that just never liked me for unknown reasons. what should I do? we've discussed that I don't want these certain people around our baby and he doesn't take it too well. I need advice, tia

Re: am I selfish?

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  • Thj417Thj417 member
    wss ... If they do show up after baby arrives and you aren't able to put baby down for a nap - Insist on them washing hands and either putting on a clean shirt from your stash or cover with a blanket.

    Continue to discuss topic with your husband - state your feelings and concerns, why you don't like these people etc.
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  • I agree with @Miz_Liz.. You're not being selfish you're being an instinctively concerned and protective Mother.
    mriee
  • I wouldn't let them come over if you aren't home but if they are still your husbands friends it's hard to say they can't come see your husband. You're not being selfish.
  • Seed0824 said:

    I wouldn't let them come over if you aren't home but if they are still your husbands friends it's hard to say they can't come see your husband. You're not being selfish.

    I disagree if it's for the benefit of the child; my fiancés brother is a sweet guy, but he's also making poor life choices right now including heavy drinking and using drugs, he's irresponsible and refuses to do anything about the poor place he's left himself in over the last year or so and I've told my fiancé unless he cleans up the only time he'll see our baby girl is in the hospital, and that I only agreed to because I know he won't show up to a hospital high or drunk, after that it's no visiting until he's sober. As hurt as my fiancé was he understood because it's his child's safety, and that's his damn brother. OP you should seriously talk to your husband and let him know why you feel the way you feel and come to a compromise about these people but if your really against having them around your child put your foot down, you need to do what's in the best interest of your child not your husbands feelings.
  • These are your husband's friends!! You are married to him and clearly know about the people he associates with. Surely you are not going to stop them from seeing your child. I would have thought about this prior to conceiving. How patronising!!!!
  • Pick your battles on this one.  If it's just one or two of his friends that REALLY bother you, I would make it a point to try and make yourself and the baby scarce on the days/times that they come around.  Otherwise just make sure that you are present to look over the baby while the friends who are not so bad are around.

    My husband has a few friends that I worry about, excessive drinking, cussing, etc.  I do not want to come between their friendship, but if it gets too bad then i'll just go find an errand to run with the baby or ask them to tone it down.  I do not want to tell my husband who he can or cannot bring around though and if I felt that any of these people were a serious threat to the well being of a baby, then I would imagine he would be on board with keeping them away.

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