Seriously? Who does this? — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Seriously? Who does this?

akumatoraakumatora member
edited May 2015 in August 2015 Moms
What kind of man tells his 31w pregnant wife that they make better friends than lovers? What has to be going through your head to hurt someone that badly?

Re: Seriously? Who does this?

  • Ouch.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • That's brutal. Have you guys been having some issues lately?
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  • He's been seeing a psychologist for depression lately. The psychologist has him convinced everything is my fault, and that DH isn't responsible for any of it. He started getting depressed around the time he cheated on me, so somehow I doubt this is my fault. But heaven forbid he ever admit to the doctor he cheated.
  • He refuses couples councelling.
  • I love the phrase "never lie to your doctor", and feel this goes for the therapist as well. At this point it's not therapy, it's him lying to someone in order to get the feedback he wants. "Better friends than lovers"...sounds like he's not much of a friend either.
  • We never really were friends. We met and started dating. I think he's forgotten just how much of a fighter I can be though. I'm not giving this up easily. We've been together 8 years, that's hard to throw away. Especially with LO coming.
  • This is just me thinking outside the box a little here but what if you made an appointment with his therapist and talked about how his interpretation of their sessions is creating problems for you? Mention the cheating and anything else. It would be your own private session but maybe the therapist will work with him differently if he had a full picture of the situation.
  • I'd have to have a referral to the particular psychologist. Plus it's almost a 3 hour drive, which he'd have to drive me to because my doctor says I can't.
  • akumatora said:

    I'd have to have a referral to the particular psychologist. Plus it's almost a 3 hour drive, which he'd have to drive me to because my doctor says I can't.

    Ah that makes that plan not so good then. Do you think you'd feel comfortable just calling the therapist and explaining what's going on? Can people do that? I don't know the rules on this stuff, sorry!
  • Thj417Thj417 member
    You can definitely call - but understand the psychologist might not want to tell anything. Stay firm "I just need to make sure you know my side of the story...." Hopefully they will take the time to listen. I would. If you do make a call have your talking points written down. You might have to leave a message and they're supposed to call you back.

    I really hope things get better - and keep up that fighter attitude- no reason to just throw it away. You're right!!
  • @PDXtbird I get where that's coming from, really I do. He made his mistake by cheating on me, yes. He's also apologized and tried to make up for it. The rest is an extremely recent thing, since he's been on new meds for depression. Meds I myself have been on, I know how they go. I do believe he'll level out, he just needs the time to do it and the space to figure it out. As much as it does hurt, I do believe there is something there to salvage.
  • Only you know your situation completely.. If you feel there is something to salvage then definitely continue to fight, but know when to be strong enough to walk away from something that is more negative than positive. Only you will know where that point is, if you get to it. If not, things will get better and this will one day be a distant memory of a tough time in your lives. If you know where your limit is, then no matter what the future holds - you and your baby will be just fine.
  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    This sounds a lot like my ex husband. He was always telling my his therapist said I was controlling or that everything was my fault(which I never believed because he was homosexual and there's no way that could be my fault). I emailed his therapist one time and saw him once. His allegiance was to my ex though. I learned that quickly. I started seeing my own therapist at the same time he saw his, their offices were side by side. Then my therapist would go get him for couples time. Kinda sprung that on him.

    Seems to me he doesn't want to accept responsibility for what he's done and is to chicken to go and talk it
    Out with you in couples. I'm sorry. As you see, I didn't want to fight for my relationship. Good luck though. I only imagine it'll get harder after baby comes.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I'm sorry. That's awful. Some psychologists, counselors etc have the philosophy they are always on their clients side. Some do not. This guy may just suck... Maybe your SO is just manipulative. Either way you are unlikely to be able to talk to him. It's not his job to hear your side. That's why couples counseling is important. If he is refusing, he doesn't want to try. Sorry to say. I'm all for individual counseling, but it's not going to help a relationship. That's what couples counseling is for.
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