My kid hits.

EMLarie

Hello! This is my 1st time posting in the 24 month board, but I wanted to get some advice/opinions on my situation.

Almost every time my 2 year old is around other children, she ends up hitting or yanking one of them. Everyone (doctor, teachers, internet, friends, etc) tells me it is normal, but sometimes I feel like it isn't. I've heard that it is a faze but she has been doing it for almost a year. In 2 seperate incidents, she has gone up to a crawling baby, grabbed his shirt collar/shoulder area and started yanking the baby around. I'm always around to stop it and I feel awful and apologize profusely to the kid's parents. The reality is that I've really started to hate bringing her around other kids. I still do, but my anxiety is through the roof because I know she is just going to be aggressive to others. When it happens I quickly pick her up and tell her that hitting is not ok. Some background info: she is not exposed to violence at home (tv, spanking, arguments) and we kind of practice attachment parenting in the sense that we still co-sleep, breastfeed and I stay at home with her.

Aside from this, she is a normal, lovable girl.

Thanks for reading.

Thoughts?

Bigboobsmcgee

I think that sometimes attachment parenting can bite you in the ass and this might be one of those situations. When you coddle a kid or don't show them there are consequences for their negative behavior then things like this happen.

My son is 3 and he doesn't hit. EVER. I'm not saying my kid is perfect and your kid isn't but from a very young age we taught him that hitting was bad and there are consequences for hitting or being mean. We absolutely would not tolerate any sort of violence out of him so when he was 18 months old we started putting him in time out for hitting. We stayed consistent and it didn't take long but he figured out that hitting was mean and he would get in trouble for doing it.

Using time out or other forms of "punishment" are completely necessary IMO, especially if what you are currently doing isn't working. And it sounds like it's not.  

dufferoo

I think hitting at this age really is pretty normal, but also needs to be stopped for social reasons. They do it because they don't know how to interact properly with other kids yet, and they haven't formed that sense of empathy yet, so I think keeping her away from other children is NOT the answer. I don't think co-sleeping, breastfeeing and staying home with her are problems, but like boobs said, consistency in discipline might help. When we had a similar issue, we actually found it really difficult to be consistent about timeouts at home because so many hits were playful in nature, especially when wrestling, swordfighting, roughhousing, etc. HOWEVER, the only times we have seen any sort of progress in his learning not to hit when out have been when we have given a timeout at home for every single hit, including playful ones. Honestly it's very difficult, but it helps to pass the time until they outgrow this difficult stage anyways.

EMLarie

Thanks @dufferoo. It's nice to hear from someone who has had experience with this situation. I'm just so confused because we are consistent with discipline and have been doing time-outs in and out of the home since she was around 16 months. She even knows to just find a spot if we're out of the house and she sits there until we tell her to come back. When she hits, I removed her from the situation (pick her up) and sternly tell her that it hurts and to be gentle. Now that she's talking, she also has to say she's sorry. If she does it again, we just leave. I'm still just so confused why she does it, but the only thing I keep hearing is that it's a normal stage. But yes, it is difficult and I was looking for support when I posted this. Thank you again.

Bigboobsmcgee

EMLarie said:

Thanks @dufferoo. It's nice to hear from someone who has had experience with this situation. I'm just so confused because we are consistent with discipline and have been doing time-outs in and out of the home since she was around 16 months. She even knows to just find a spot if we're out of the house and she sits there until we tell her to come back. When she hits, I removed her from the situation (pick her up) and sternly tell her that it hurts and to be gentle. Now that she's talking, she also has to say she's sorry. If she does it again, we just leave. I'm still just so confused why she does it, but the only thing I keep hearing is that it's a normal stage. But yes, it is difficult and I was looking for support when I posted this. Thank you again.

Sorry you didn't think I was supportive. I understand it's hard. My son does similar things over and over and no amount of discipline stops the negative behavior so I get it.

One tip I got a while back seems to really help my son: when putting your LO in time out, have a flat, monotone voice, don't raise it or try to sound angry, but simply say "we do not hit, time out" and put your LO in time out. Don't say anything else, don't act mad or give any extra attention during that time. Just doing this one thing helped tremendously in our house.

Nothing is wrong with your LO and you did nothing wrong. Sometimes kids just do this but it doesn't make them bad.

 

arwestover3

It sounds like you're doing the right thing with immediately removing her from the situation, having her apologize, and leaving if she does it again. Unfortunately it might just be something you have to be consistent with until she works it out.