Need Advice: Coworker with same due date

RyanVo

I need some advice.  I miscarried on New Years Eve.  It was first pregnancy after a year and half of trying, and I was about 9 weeks pregnant.  I only told my family and a few close friends and co-workers.  Here is the problem...a coworker of mine (who I did not tell I was pregnant) has the same due date that I did.  So I have a constant reminder at work of where I would be in my pregnancy had I not miscarried.  I want to be happy for her, but there is a big part of me that is jealous and angry.  She threw herself a gender reveal party at work and the whole time I wanted to just go out to my car and cry.  To make matters worse, when I congratulated her on her pregnancy she told me "I'm so sorry.  I know you and your husband have been trying for so long.  My boyfriend and I weren't even trying to get pregnant, and it just happened." Who says that?!?  Any advice from you guys would be appreciated.  I hate feeling this way.  

twointow83

My first loss I had a cousin who was preg with the same due date. Fortunately, she lives far away. Unfortunately, she was very vocal about it on FB as was the rest of my family- on FB, phone, etc. It is a hard place to be in. On one hand you want to happy for them but on the other it is constant salt in an open wound. Like your coworker, my cousin wasn't even trying to get preg. Anyway, when she had her son I was completely detached and relatives kept calling to tell me the good news and I just had to tell them to stop, that it was too hard to hear. I had a little bit easier time avoiding it all since she lived so far away, so I am not sure what to advise, but just know you aren't alone. The only advise I can give you, and it could bite you in the butt depending on the type of person she is (it is possible she could get self righteous and say you are just jealous and give you a hard time about it... so it really depends on what kind of person she is as to whether you want to do this or not) is to sit her down privately and explain everything. Tell her you are very happy for her but the constant reminders are very painful for you and ask her if she could keep baby talk to a minimum when you are in earshot. Obviously, she can't hide her belly but she can respect you enough to gush about baby stuff when you aren't around. Sorry I can't be more help. (((HUGS))) Sorry for your loss

ksteines

I had a friend with the same due date. I cried every time I saw her baby boy's pic, because I lost a son. Now it's been 3 years since my loss and it's easier to hear about him, but it's a constant reminder of what my little one would be doing, how old he should be. Sorry for your loss.

tpete12

My good friend was due the same day as me. I lost my baby in June and I had a really hard time seeing her pregnant from June until October. I was excited for her but extremely jealous too. I was very open with her that seeing her was tough on me and sne was very caring. When she did have her son, I was the first person that she called. I cried tears of sadness and tears of joy that day - MANY of them. I feared seeing her sone for the first time, but when I did get to see him for the first time, all my jealousy and sadness disappeared. I would be honest with your coworker and let her know what happened to you. Open communication is huge in a situation like this!

peevpee

if it is the due date that bothers you, just think of it as only 2% of children are born on their due date. if you were still having your baby, it would most likely be born days or even weeks apart from the other.
As of her comments, do not take them so close to your heart. She never had a loss, she never experienced the stress of trying to conceive for years, she is pregnant and hormonal and perhaps she really feels sorry for you trying to have a baby for so long but does not know how to say it without being hurtful. she will never understand how you feel unless/until she experiences exactly the same thing. Would you wish it on her? I don't think you would... I personally find a lot of comfort knowing that I am not alone but at the same time I hate to see how many of us are here.
try to avoid her if it helps and if it becomes obvious, maybe tell her why. you will feel better if you do.