Paranoid of hubby/partner cheating

NanGarlow

is this happening to anyone else? I had a nightmare about him sleeping with another woman and it's driving me bonkers. He's not really interested in sex? And I swear women from everywhere are calling and messaging him needing his "help" and just finding him the funniest and most interesting guy all of a sudden! I want to punch thier faces. I'm like - very very insecure all of a sudden. And suspicious.

JLW0504

My DH didn't want to have sex with me at all during our first pregnancy. He is not interested in a pregnant body, including mine.

If your DH never gave you reason to be suspicious before. Why be now?

agerstner

My hubby was the same as pp. Doesnt dig the pregnant body at all! He was back on track after baby came

Ironically I was the one feeling guilty my entire pregnancy haha. I kept on having dreams about sleeping with strangers!! Talk about awkward!

kwaldy

Ah, this is me. DH and I are very open about other people being attractive but today he talked about one we saw and I got sad. I feel fat and unattractive so hearing about another attractive female hurt my feelings. Usually it wouldn't bother me but lately it has been. And his female friends that never bugged me before do now. I understand your feelings.
And don't get me wrong, I do trust DH.

tayzav

I understand where you're coming from as well. I trust my BF, we don't have problems in the bedroom, but he's had a pretty shady past and since I've become pregnant and unattractive feeling I keep having that "he's gonna go to some hottie while I'm a whale" feeling. I mention it and he laughs and says I'm crazy, which I'm sure I am, but it's hard with bikini season coming up. I was ecstatic he didn't feel like going to the pool with me earlier today haha, and it was full of just older ladies. What's wronggg with me.

dogsombrero

When you feel insecure about yourself it makes you feel insecure about your relationship. DH and I don't have DTD often during 1st tri in pregnancy because we are paranoid about spotting after due to a history of loss.

OP did you tell your SO about the dream and that you want to punch him even though you know it wasn't real. Sometimes acknowledging your resentment helps you work through it- even if it's not your SO's fault.

ASalton1

I felt the same way in the beginning but things have gotten so much better. I was having all these dreams about him cheating on me with his coworkers or leaving me before the baby comes, it was just terrible. One morning after a horribly graphic and vivid dreams (I swear I could smell the sex in the air) I woke up crying and basically confessed all my crazy insecurities to him and he just smiled, took me in his arms, put his hands on my tummy and told me that he wasn't going anywhere and he would never do anything that would jeopardize our little family. He also gave me his phone and told me to feel free to look through it at anytime. Ever since that day any crazy dream I have I just laugh about and blame it on the pregnancy. Talk to your husband about your feelings, hopefully it'll reassure you that everything is okay.

Ceridwen77

Talk to him. Share your concerns. Who are these random women that are calling/messaging him all of a sudden?

aamberco

I can kind of relate and that's only because we haven't been real "intimate" this whole pregnancy. I'm 13 weeks and other than this weekend, we haven't done anything in a month! My SO makes me feel bad(well actually I don't feel bad too much) because he says he's a man and has needs. I have thought to myself a couple of times, "will he cheat on me because of this?" But ultimately he loves me more than anything and I know he wouldn't actually do that plus according to him I'm even more sexy since I'm pregnant lol. If he did cheat or any of these other men did then that just goes to show what kind of person they are however if yall didn't have problems before then don't worry about it! Snap yourself out of it. If you're feeling THAT bad about it then make it a point to do things that he likes or go out on a date just so you two have "bonding" time. Plus it's good to get all of that in while you can now because you won't have time to when the baby is here!

sadyy131

I didn't want to make a post about this, but I feel the exact same way as you. Except DH is away on business for a month and a half in Uruguay and has a beautiful business partner. I feel like I'm the fat whale stuck at home and he's over there with this girl. He has reassured me and she knows I'm pregnant, but she doesn't seem like the type to respect our relationship. Because of all of my jealousy and anxiety about the situation, I'm going to start seeing a therapist to help. It's helped me in the past with feelings of jealously outside of this relationship. Best of luck!

anneof2

I've had lots of dreams lately of my husband cheating on me. He admits he has never before been faithful to anyone before me, and it can be difficult for him as he finds pregnancy to be "not sexy at all". But we've made it through just fine with all my pregnancies thus far, so I know we will be okay.

vrossolille

So my previous two pregnancies my husband was creeped out by sex when I am preggo. It was just always uncomfortable for him. The first time I was 20 and feel like I wasn't comfortable in my own skin so it didn't affect me much. The next time however I was feeling so bad about it!!! I took it as he didn't live me, or wasn't attracted to me especially since our sex life was pretty darn good prior to it. When your not feeling like yourself, your body is changing and your husband doesn't seem attracted to you it takes a huge toll on you. I had dreams that he was cheating on me non stop. I know it was my own insecurities & I also knew he would never do that but it was rough. I told him if I get preggo again I can't get through 9 months like that again. He assured me he wouldn't. He's been fine with this one. Actually., the first trimester he would be begging for it but I couldn't keep my eyes open when we hit the bed. Poor guy would be teased all day because I wanted to but just couldn't control my tiredness. Communication is so important. They don't get what we as woman go through and how it makes us feel.

modanz1

kwaldy said:

Ah, this is me. DH and I are very open about other people being attractive but today he talked about one we saw and I got sad. I feel fat and unattractive so hearing about another attractive female hurt my feelings. Usually it wouldn't bother me but lately it has been. And his female friends that never bugged me before do now. I understand your feelings. And don't get me wrong, I do trust DH.

Same here!  I actually told my DH the other day that he would have to pretend to not notice hot women for a while.  I guess I never worried before because I was thin and knew he loved my body.  But now that I'm all chunky monkey and fart all the time it's different.

Knottie53287688

I am so glad I found this message board!  I am 25 weeks and just a complete mess.  I have major body insecurities without being pregnant, so the pregnancy has thrown me into overdrive.  I have two children from previous relationships in which I was cheated on, so I am a little skittish because of that as well.  We moved to an area where I don't know anyone and I don't have any friends.  He has plenty of friends, a lot of which are beautiful women.  We have always trusted each other, but I find myself having nightmare after nightmare of him cheating on and leaving me for another thinner, non-pregnant woman.  I have brought it up so much that it angers him now for me to even say anything.  He isn't interested in intimacy.  I always initiate it and most recently he "couldn't perform".  I feel so lost and lonely.  I don't want to drive him away by my bringing it up again, but it is taking its toll on me.  I feel like I can't even have the joy that I should with this pregnancy because I am so worried about how my husband sees me.  I have no one to talk to.  What do I do?? 

thefithuntress

Knottie53287688 said:

I am so glad I found this message board!  I am 25 weeks and just a complete mess.  I have major body insecurities without being pregnant, so the pregnancy has thrown me into overdrive.  I have two children from previous relationships in which I was cheated on, so I am a little skittish because of that as well.  We moved to an area where I don't know anyone and I don't have any friends.  He has plenty of friends, a lot of which are beautiful women.  We have always trusted each other, but I find myself having nightmare after nightmare of him cheating on and leaving me for another thinner, non-pregnant woman.  I have brought it up so much that it angers him now for me to even say anything.  He isn't interested in intimacy.  I always initiate it and most recently he "couldn't perform".  I feel so lost and lonely.  I don't want to drive him away by my bringing it up again, but it is taking its toll on me.  I feel like I can't even have the joy that I should with this pregnancy because I am so worried about how my husband sees me.  I have no one to talk to.  What do I do?? 

First off, welcome to N15.. Since you're 25 weeks along have you connected with the women in your birth month? It's nice to have a group of ladies who are pregnant at the same time as you to talk to. Personally I've gotten close to a few ladies here and it's been super helpful.

It's incredibly easy to be insecure right now. Our bodies are changing faster and more than they likely ever will! However, this is a problem inside of you and your head, so maybe you should work on finding your bliss and being at peace with yourself. Do you have hobbies or passions? Something you're good at that makes you feel confident when you do it like art or cooking? I find that spending time doing something I love always makes me feel better. 

If that doesn't work, maybe some retail therapy can help- a cute maternity dress might help you feel good about yourself. Go get your hair blown out or your nails done. I'm sure your husband is attracted to you but you need to feel beautiful!

If all else has failed you and you feel lonely and stuck there is NOTHING wrong with talking to a professional. We're going through so much physically, emotionally, financially... Being pregnant is a huge life change that can require some coping skills! Maybe your husband can join you. I hope that you find relief soon! 

savyjohn1

TALK IT OUT!! having been through some pretty bad things in the past - and worked through them, I can honestly say talk to him. He will probably reassure you that you are nutso and that he is crazy about you! Remember that weird vivid dreams come along with the whole pregnancy package, and there is not a lot we can do about them. Hang in there!

mcklough

Knottie53287688 said:

I am so glad I found this message board!  I am 25 weeks and just a complete mess.  I have major body insecurities without being pregnant, so the pregnancy has thrown me into overdrive.  I have two children from previous relationships in which I was cheated on, so I am a little skittish because of that as well.  We moved to an area where I don't know anyone and I don't have any friends.  He has plenty of friends, a lot of which are beautiful women.  We have always trusted each other, but I find myself having nightmare after nightmare of him cheating on and leaving me for another thinner, non-pregnant woman.  I have brought it up so much that it angers him now for me to even say anything.  He isn't interested in intimacy.  I always initiate it and most recently he "couldn't perform".  I feel so lost and lonely.  I don't want to drive him away by my bringing it up again, but it is taking its toll on me.  I feel like I can't even have the joy that I should with this pregnancy because I am so worried about how my husband sees me.  I have no one to talk to.  What do I do?? 

Hey there- I'm in my 24th week right now and board stalking November to see what's going on people's minds close to the actual birth, but thought I'd comment since you are new and closer to my stage.

I agree with previous posters that this is a crazy time emotionally, hormonally, physically and any other way you can think of. I think from what you said you may be bringing it up too many times to your significant other. It's important to talk about your feelings but if you keep just saying "I'm afraid you are doing this or feeling this" and he is saying "I'm not, trust me" then it might feel like you are attacking him because continuing to bring it up is saying you really don't trust him. I can only imagine that is probably a terrible feeling- to think the mother of your child and partner doesn't trust or have faith in you- if that was how I felt I wouldn't want to be intimate either. As you can see by these previous comments and if you look at other boards you will see that men react in many different ways to pregnancy. The thing that doesn't seem to change is that good men are still good men.

come on over to February if you want- I find it a great community and way to get answers and fears acknowledged!