How to Share the News With Someone Who Aborted

Myelhsa

Hey all!

My DHs best friend (our best man) has recently gone through a pretty tough time. He's 26 or 27 but recently got his 22 year old GF pregnant. He was so happy and over-the-moon excited when she made the decision to abort with little input from him.

We're still weeks from telling people, but my DH and I cringe when we think about telling him. Any advice for such a touchy situation?

Thanks

vvitchhazel

I suggest not tip-toeing around it. People feel worse about situations when they think they're being treated differently than others. Tell him face to face and just be up front about it. Don't try to hide your own enthusiasm either. He's probably still licking his wounds, but if he's a good enough friend, he'll be happy for you two.

Unfortunate situation aside--congrats!

Myelhsa

Thank you for the advice and the congrats!

Gratz to you as well!

CBWifey

I am sad to hear about this for your DHs friend. I agree with vvitchhazel that a good friend no matter what will be happy for your DH and you. I think it's very thoughtful and considerate of you to care about his feelings, which is what I wanted to respond to you with, that you should be commended. That's hard to find nowadays. I think whatever your gut tells you about expressing yourself is usually best. You can moderate your excitement for him if you'd like, and I'm sure he'd be grateful, and maybe he'll act completely different than you thought. Tough situation. Mine is similar. I have a friend who had a child and says to me all the time how she doesn't understand how people can have more than 1. I'm not telling her that I'm pg with #2, unless it comes up. She's not very positive so I don't need that. Most important is this being positive and wonderful for you, and others sharing in that excitement.

bananers

Maybe tell him in a text or email so he can process it privately? After we lost our first baby, and throughout our struggle to conceive a second time, I had a hard time putting on a happy face when someone would tell me they were pregnant. It's not that I wasn't happy for them; I just sometimes felt pain before I felt happiness, and never wanted to hurt them by giving them anything less than an enthusiastic response, you know?

DaphneMoon1

I agree. I would be upfront about it and don't try to tip toe around him. It will just make it worse.

If he brings his situation up, I would say you're sorry again and that you guys were concerned how he might feel. That way he knows you're sensitive to his situation.

Good luck! That's a tough one.

Myelhsa

Thank you for all the advice ladies!! I know he'll be excited for us, I just want to make sure we're sensitive to how he's feeling as well. I think my DH is going to talk to him one-on-one and, like people suggested, just be upfront.

The two of them have an amazing bond and I often joke that I'm married to both!