this is emberrasing

BbyCastillo

but I need to get it off my chest. I know I'm being irrational, stupid, insecure, and I am wasting my time feeling this way but I cannot help but feel the way I do. I stumbled across my boyfriend's ex instagram and of coarse I click to go on it knowing very well I was going to regret this. I honestly feel pathetic and like a highschooler typing this but I'm so emotional over all of this. My boyfriend has never done anything to make me feel like there is an ex still in his life or that he even has eyes for another girl but me. After looking at her, I am SO subconscious about myself and why he would even want to be with a girl like me. I am so different! I come no where near this girl and I can't help but wonder how his ex before this one looked like now. I can't believe I'm writing this and I am paying attention to these dumb feelings because that's what they are and that is what I'm being. But right now I don't know what else to feel, besides feeling lame and stupid and ugly and useless. I don't even know if I should tell him this or keep it to myself. I don't even know how I would bring it up or what I would say. I found her on his Mom's IG, the ex ended up liking an ultrasound picture his mom posted of our babygirl and I recognized the name and got a huge feeling that was his ex (or fling) that's what he really refers to her as, so I clicked on it. And since last night I've been in this ugly funk I didn't even talk to him much while he got ready for work this morning I just laid in bed feeling stupid. He came back to lay with me after he was done and held me and told me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me not knowing how I really felt, normally I would feel special but this morning I just pictured him saying that to his ex instead of me. I know in my heart he loves me and I also know I'm not making any sense in feeling this way, but it bothered me that she's still following his mom and his mom her (talk about being jealous, yeah I know ) and how could my boyfriend go from that to me

gabrielafrnqyepez

I totally know how u feel the whole feeling ugly and not attractive it sucks ....don't compare yourself to someone who obviously was nttn if he's not with her HES WITH YOU ...he upgrated .,peoples taste change ...when your your you don't look for beauty or quality you look for easy !!! Ur boyfriend sounds like a good guy ... And ur notncrazy I too feel the same way and every morning my man tells me the same thing how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and I know he means it and just like you how he only has eyes for me ...some days no matter what he says I don't feel it I just str8 up cry and throw a tantrum and then we move on ...its a sad part of pregnancy!!! U seem like a beautiful woman even more now that your pregnant...... Don't be so hard on yourself this too shall pass....take a bath..get a mani or pedi do smtn get dolled up try to break your funk .... !!!! As far as telling him that's up to you odk how he would take it you know men r funny that way bit I'm sure that he would try his best to comfort u!!!

gabrielafrnqyepez

And just to add a funny side note: when my man n I first met his cousin who introduced us also showed me who his girl at the time was and she showed me a pic of this girl I was like damn big butt light eyes small waist Spanish girlk ...I was a bit taken back but it was only till I saw her for real that I saw her in her normal look and omg w.o make up and spanxs this girl looked toe up!!! I mean omg ..people post pics all the time and a lot of work goes into it I mean filters and lighting and angles but take the make up off take the push up away and remoxe the spanx and your left w a beast!!!!! This came from my mans mouth: as a man matures her prefers natural beauty... The kind you see when shes just woken up, if my girl gets me going when I see her in the morning in bed its because she's beautiful!!!!

amberrmariee20

Exs are exs for a reason, your gonna stumble across her IG or FB from time to time, but your his baby momma (; ! And because she liked the ultrasound picture that's nothing really, maybe she's happy he found happiness ! Nothing to freak about, I know where your pregnant your emotions are on overdrive, so that makes sense ! But I wouldn't worry about it !

satori15

^^WSS. Some ppl photograph really well but when you see them in person it's like, dang. Also, maybe she was not a nice person, or had bad breath, or chewed with her mouth open, or picked her nose... I mean, even if she really is a hot chick he's with you now and there must be a reason for that! None of us feel super hot right now. I have acne and I look kinda fat, but somehow my husband keeps telling me how beautiful I am and how much he wants me.

BbyCastillo

@gabrielafrnqyepez thank you! I know you're right in many ways hopefully after today I begin to feel better with him but as of right now I'm stuck on something so stupid ( I'm giving him the silent treatment and he doesn't even know why), that I am praying passes quickly because I make a scene with him lol 

Thank you ladies, I know he left her because she was more of a party girl who would leave her two boys to hang out with him and she ended up cheating on him with her boys dad. So that already makes me feel like Yes, I am better than her. I would never in my life even dare do that to him in a million years. I love him so much to even risk anything with him & have a fling with my sons dad. And he tells me too that I make him so happy because he knows I love him more than anything in this world even when we do argue he always comes around and tells me he doesn't want to waste time over stupid things with the girl he loves and wants to be with for the rest of his life. So I am confident in his love for me. I've never really felt this before, these feelings of jealousy taken so serious, we all get jealous at some point but this time I felt an avalanche coming at me..must be the hormones I cried the whole drive to work this morning. And my puffy eyes are not making me feel any prettier. lol sigh... 

jenspeake

It's kind of like when you have a dream your man cheated....then you're all mad at him when you wake up!  He didn't do anything wrong but you can't shake the feeling from the dream!  Give him a kiss and hug when you get home!  Don't tell him you creeped.  You guys chose each other!  You said above she cheated...he obviously didn't want that!

Side note:  I notice when I cry about something now.....you would think someone passed away!  I'm like balling, heaving, wailing out, etc!  

BbyCastillo

@jenspeake yes! you couldn't have described it any better the whole dream thing and the crying. I have an hour commute and I kept balling my eyes out. Thank goodness for tinted windows and sunglasses ( althoght it's raining and gloomy outside haha) ...I'll try my best to not make it so obvious and be my normal self with him later today...