Birthday Frustration — The Bump
Birthday Parties

Birthday Frustration

My only child's 3rd birthday is coming up next month and it's the first birthday that she really "gets" how special it is when it's someone's birthday.
She got a little jealous at a friends birthday a few months ago and we explained we must be happy for her friend & let her friend know how much we love her because birthdays are a special day just for that person. She really took the lesson to heart. And was so excited for her daddy's day. Even refusing to eat his birthday cake leftovers the next day "cause it's no his birthday!" She asks every morning if it's her birthday yet (a good opportunity to teach her about the calendar and for her to learn her birthday)..... So yeah this has become a big special day with quite the countdown!

Now I get an invite from my cousin for a combo birthday party for 2 of his 5 kids (neither of which even have a birthday in the month of May).... On my daughters birthday! No I haven't mailed her invites yet- her birthday is still a month away. But we have a huge celebration every yr. ON her birthday. He simply said "oops I didn't know." Grrrr.

It's a huge drive for us to celebrate with my family, so it's not like we can schedule on a different day (even though I don't think we should have to.). And the kicker is my whole family (including parents) are drastically closer to my cousin's kids because they all live in the same town & he heavily relies upon them to help raise his kids. They feel like they need to be at that birthday rather than my daughters. So I'm frustrated... And doing my best to not show it! How can a grandparent choose another kid over their only grandkid?

Has anyone else had a similar scheduling problem (or idiot cousin)? What did you do?

She is already excited for this family party; she's picked out the theme & helped picked out decorations. She KNOWS when her birthday is. How do we not lose the lesson she already learned?

Re: Birthday Frustration

  • Can you and your SO take the day off of work to spend the entire day with her? Surprise her first thing in the morning with balloons in her room - special pancakes - trip to the park/museum/aquarium?  I think you should emphasize her and not let her focus on others not being there that day???????
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  • dufferoodufferoo member
    edited April 2015
    Yeah, it seems like you have two options: either do a smaller get-together on her actual birthday with local friends or just you guys, or schedule her family party on a different day. I know you said you couldn't do that, but I guess I don't see why not. You can make it a week later if it's that important to have grandparents there. I get that this is frustrating, but I don't find it that shocking or offensive that your cousin wasn't thinking of your daughter's birthday when he planned his kids' party. Not everyone has a mind for dates like that. I know my cousins don't all probably know the exact dates of my kids' birthdays, especially when they have other things on their minds.
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  • I do find it a lot weird though to celebrate 2 kids' birthdays in a month when neither was born.  

    I never had a lot of fuss over my birthdays, even when small, and your daughter won't remember last year's - so make it a day with the three of you having fun, or invite a little friend or two over for her to play with for her 'big day'.  I doubt she'll really care if every assorted cousin, aunt, uncle and grandparent is there.  If they want to celebrate, they can come, or not, or have that part a different day.
  • So, I sit here an see events, such as concerts, fairs, large events etc, and they get to schedule them way in advance, so I have started doing the same with my kids parties. Mine are 2 weeks apart in September, so I do a rather large party, and everyone knows to expect it, and expect the invite early. In fact I sent out the Facebook save the date yesterday, and already half have RSVP'd. It's unfortunate that your family member would schedule a party like that not even in the birthday month. I would kind of take that personally if they know that's your kids birthday. So if you want your family to come, at this point I would make yours for the next week. Or hell, just let your cousin know how mad you are. I have family that tip toes around confrontation, which makes me so irritated. If we cannot tell family we are upset, who can we tell? 

    And what PP said, well I can vouch that my 3 year old STILL talks about how fun her last birthday was, so they will remember, at least for now. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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