what to do? — The Bump
May 2015 Moms

what to do?

My husband and I hardly argue and just yesterday we got into it, it sucks because our child is coming soon and it doesn't feel right to be upset when our will be here soon. I'm not one to give in, neither is he, what do I do?

Re: what to do?

  • Without knowing any details we can't help you. It doesn't feel right to side with one over the other because we have no clue what's going on. Keep in mind that both of you have a lot going on right now...it's not just you. Men get stressed too and show it in different ways. Whatever you do though, don't blame it on hormones because I can guarantee that he will think it's just an excuse...and most of the time it is. Its always easier to say it's the hormones rather than owning up to your wrong doing. We've all been there.
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  • It all startedvwith a flat tire and how he is the more responsible one when it comes to money, but for some reason he didn't have the cash to pay for the tire and I had to pay for it from my kids child support money of which he states I shouldn't use on them because he doesn't use his sons ssi check on his son, but rather on bills. He is always telling me to be wise with my money and I really have done just that lately due to an issue we went through that kept me traumatized. I did complain to the kids about him and they mentioned it to him, but I was just expressing my anger because as the kids stated he lied about telling my kids that they need to stop mentioning the child support because it isn't their money. That aggravated him and all hell broke loose. He accused me of wanting his sons money, that he never gets to do anything for himself and that I shouldn't have mentioned the fact that he didn't have 40 for the tire. Then our daughters broke the edge of their bed and he was so furious that he told his daughter that he would break her jaw. At the end of it all I came out the bad one and he is acting really hurtful with me..
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  • Sounds like you both did some stuff wrong there. I personally would never talk to kids about money issues. Also child support can be used in a way that is beneficial to kids in a number of ways. Buying a tire benefits the child because they need you to be able to use your vehicle to get food and etc. so buying a tire with the money is indeed spending the money on your child. Same thing if you use the money to pay bills. Your child still benefits from that. Honestly it sounds like you both need to wisen up when it comes to money. My husband and I don't keep track of whose money is whose because we consider it all to be our money and because of that we really don't ever argue about money. If I was you I would swallow my pride and apologize even though he was wrong too. Sometimes you just need to take one for the team.
  • I agree that you both were wrong. It's one thing to explain your finances to your kids in ways that are appropriate (for example my 4 year old wants an expensive toy, I told her that mommy and daddy work hard for the money and that we have enough to take care of her but we also bills we must pay for first and that expensive toys must be saved up for), but i would never blame her dad or say he can't afford something. I personally think that you should never badmouth a childs' parent or loved one in front of them. Unless the situation is dangerous for the child (ie predators) you should never let your child know you think her dad, grandma, whoever is a butt (to put it nicely lol) because your child loves them and it would be mean to undermind or take that relationship away from them. 
  • I agree with PP that you both were wrong for all the reasons stated above.  If you don't want to go into this baby coming into the world with you both mad then suck up your pride and give in.  There are bigger things to worry about then winning the fight. Be careful about saying bad things about your husband to your kids, its not fair to any of them.  
  • Call me crazy but threatening to breaks child's jaw is not okay. I don't care what is going on in the home, no child deserves to be spoken to like that. I think he owes the apologies to you and the girls.
  • He's gonna break her jaw?!?! What?!?! I would be worried about that and not a tire.

  • Money is a very stressful part of marriage. Discussions about budgets and expenditures should never be done when one or both of you are upset about something.

    Unexpected things come up from time to time that need to get paid for. It's nothing to blame anyone for. You are both probably very stressed over the new baby coming soon and how that will impact your budget as well.

    Try not to speak negatively about your husband in front of the kids. I have many issues with my XH and my kids witnessed physical assaults and verbal abuse by him but I never bring him up in a negative way. In fact, I encourage them to call him and keep in touch with him. They are old enough to form their own opinion of him without my comments. Sometimes it gets very challenging to refrain from discussing him in a negative way but I get through it.

    Just remember that children need to see their parents in a loving and supportive relationship in order to feel secure.

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