Who invites a ex to their baby shower like really??

Melindafuller34

My SO thinks that it's ok to invite his ex who he dated for 5yrs to our baby shower . Just because they get along and he help her take care of her 3 daughters which are not his but consider his. This will be his first child that I will be giving birth to. His sister is hosting the shower & she has already created the event on fb and sent out invites including his ex which she did not get my approval. And I seen were she excepted the invite. I am going to be so pissed if she shows up I will be very uncomfortable!! I hope this doesn't turn into a argument but i am going to let him know she can't attend. What do you ladies think or am I over exaggerating the situation??? She also does little shady stuff I feel like tag pics of her kids to his page and calls him her baby daddy uggggh so childish!! [-(

starrysmile18

I would talk to your SO's sister and explain how you feel. If she shows up, acknowledge her but don't let it ruin your day.

I would be frustrated as well. She is his past. You and this baby are his future.

BabyList

It sounds like they still have a close relationship. Just because her children aren't biologically his, doesn't mean that he does not think of them as his children. It sounds like the situation is much more than just an ex girlfriend. I think you need to be grateful that she is willing to spend the time and money on your shower when she doesn't really have to. It sounds like it your SO and his sister both feel she should be there, maybe you are the one who is out of line. It sounds like a really messy situation, but it doesn't sound like you are willing to be understanding of the life he had before you.

gilder40

I don't know all the details of the situation, so I don't know what you should do specifically. My husband has a daughter that we recently found out about, and he had a short "relationship" with the mother. It wasn't an extended period of time...more like chatting on the phone and a one night stand. I've developed a really good relationship with the mom since we get the little girl every other weekend. She respects me and our marriage, and I've grown to consider her a friend. I wouldn't be upset if she came to my shower, but she didn't receive an invite since it is mostly family. But that's my unique situation. Yours sounds like it could be a little different.

disney815

I totally understand. My husbands ex thought she would be invited to our wedding, and when I told my hubby absolutely not, she deleted me off of Facebook and started talking crap. I would NEVER be interested in going to any of my exs weddings, baby showers, etc... Once the relationship is over, it's over. I know it's a little diffeent since he's close with her kids, but still.. As a woman, I wouldn't understand how she could feel comfortable going to that shower that is celebrating you... Each person is diffeent, but I understand where you are coming from and don't think you have anything to worry about by saying no to her. It's your day!

KaLikeAWind

This is a really sticky situation. I understand why you would be frustrated, and all of the PP above have valid viewpoints. All I can offer really is the viewpoint that I have a friend that tags my husband in some pictures of her son, but neither I nor her current husband mind. My friend was going thru a divorce and her now ex was being... 'absent' is a polite way to say it. We hung out a lot so I could support her, and my husband ended up spending a lot of boy time with her son. Even now years later (and we haven't seen any of them in person for about 5 years now) she tags my husband in photos of her son, and her son and my husband remember each other fondly and ask about each other often. We're also tagged in pictures of her daughter, who is her kid with her current husband. I know if her current husband wigged out over my hubs being tagged in pics of his daughter, she'd tell him we're close family friends for her.

So, I guess since it seems like you don't like this woman I would communicate your frustration to the hostess and if the lady comes then don't let it bring you down. But if possible (and I know it may not be, there could just be something about this girl that rubs you the wrong way and you disliked her from the start for no other reason than you disliked her from the start - it happens) maybe try to open up some kind of friendship - or at least a mutual acknowledgement. Your kids may very well end up being friends with her kids, etc.

Mommaswizz

oh helllllllllllllllllllll no. she sounds shady, i would not want her to be a part of the shower at all but that's just me.

KaLikeAWind

P.s. - I don't like the 'baby daddy' thing tho. That's pushing it a little far beyond what I would consider my comfort zone. Maybe if you guys end up having some kind of relationship where there is mutual respect you could talk about that with her.

wtbratcher

We are inviting one of my husband's exes but she is from high school (25 yrs ago) and married to one of his best friends. Has this chick moved on? I can see wanting to have the "daughters" there so the mom would be part of the package. But, your SIL has to remember that a shower is to celebrate the new mom, you. And, if you are not comfortable, let her know.

mvargas12

I wouldn't be okay with it. It sounds like youre not close and she doesn't make you comfortable. It might be rude to have your SO or SIL to tell her not to come but maybe you can talk to your SO and tell him how you feel and that in the future you'd appreciate if he talked to you about it first. Telling her not to come now could open a whole can of worms you don't want.

delujm0

You don't mention anything about the ex in your original post really; only that she's his ex and that they are on good terms because he is raising her children as his own.  Since your MIL and SIL thought it was completely reasonable to invite her to the shower, i'm assuming that she's a rational woman who truly wants the best for your child, and who assumes your child will be raised to believe that her daughters are its siblings.  It doesn't sound like she's trying to be "shady" or steal your man or something.  It sounds like you might have unresolved jealousy issues that you should deal with.  Because if your husband intends for your child to be raised believing that these girls are its siblings, it would greatly benefit you to be on good terms with their mother.  Otherwise you are going to look like the crazy one, not her.

Melindafuller34

Thanks everyone for your advice & opinions I will take it all into consideration on what to do!!

BHisLady

I understand how you feel. It's okay to want your own family and for your SO to move on. The children are not his, and they're separated for a reason. The other woman should respect your relationship but it seems like SO needs to set the boundaries with her and his family. Definitely speak with SO about your feelings and don't let anyone make you feel bad about your feelings. If she shows up, be polite and mature. Be joyful with your family and friends and ignore any negativity.

Westypet

This is an odd situation. Do you have a relationship with this woman outside of your spouse? My shower hosts wouldn't have invited people that weren't family or a strong part of my life to my shower, since I was the person being showered.

Is it a coed shower? If not, then I would think that this is so, so odd if you don't have a relationship with this woman.

Is she going to be a part of the parenting of your baby? Do you have weekends where he goes and coparents her kids and you're a pseudo step mom to her children?

I'd be very uncomfortable with this situation if she were simply an ex that he was a temporary father figure to her children. Hmpf. I don't like to share though.

Emilywooddesign

Does he see her kids? Do you have any type of relationship with her? It's kind of strange bc the baby shower is supposed to be about YOU and welcoming you into motherhood. I'm totally not a jealous person and my husband can talk to whoever he wants but when it comes to my baby shower, I'll be dammed if some random is going to show up that I'm not close with. My baby shower was a few weeks ago and it was MY friends and family ( and a few of my mums close friends I've grown up with ) tell your SIL to figure it out.

nikiaPSU

I'd find a time when you're most calm to talk to your SO. Let him know that while you appreciate his sister creating/hosting your shower, you'd be more comfortable with only a list of people of your choosing. And that his ex isn't one of those people. If it's coed, explain that while they have continued to remain friends, you & her aren't. He needs to step up and be a man for you & your baby.

rrcameron21

No no no! Stand your ground!! Exes are exes for a reason and do not belong at baby showers!! I would be pissed.

Westypet

Emilywooddesign said:

I'm totally not a jealous person and my husband can talk to whoever he wants but when it comes to my baby shower, I'll be dammed if some random is going to show up that I'm not close with.

Yep, this.

Bye, Felicia!

CateOfChicago

Yah, that's weird. Even if he was the dad, that doesn't mean she should be invited. Do ex wives get invited...no. With that said, I don't think I wouldn't make a fuss now unless she'll totally ruin your time. The invite has gone out and the damage is done. She should feel more awkward than you. After all, you have won the guy.

taboullio84

I'm still wondering where she gets off calling him baby daddy.... Hell no. I don't blame you for shutting it down.