Let's Talk About Sleep Training

Williamsmarit

Ok, go gentle on me here. Can we start the sleep training discussion? My son basically fights sleep with everything he's got. Since day one. He also only naps about 30 mins, 3 times a day. He's so tired and I can tell. From about 2-3.5 months he magically started sleeping through the night but this was after he'd wake up 4-5 times in the first hour after putting him down initially.... In an auto rock n' play, swaddled, white noise, pacifier, you name it. Then at 3.5 months, a few weeks ago, he stopped sleeping well and has been up every 45 mins to an hour again at night. I know it's likely the 4-month sleep regression but our pediatrician agreed that since he was not needing to eat at night anymore that we could try a gentle method of "helping him sleep on his own". After reading plenty of books, from Ferber, to the Happy Sleeper, the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Sleep Easy - we were still torn if it was for us. After a weekend of no-sleep all-nighters, we got a little desperate and decided the Happy Sleeper method was for us and she thought this method sounded reasonable considering we'd never really let him cry more than a slight fuss at night. 

Please note that yes, I've also read a lot of the articles about the damage sleep training can do, including "Letter from a sleep trained baby". I think that is a little bit on the extreme side, but has valid points. Everything I've read has valid points which is why I think it's such a personal decision. You have to filter out the BS and decide what might work for your baby - how they will get the best amount of sleep. The book or method that seemed the most reasonable for us was the Happy Sleeper.

Basically, with the Happy Sleeper you go back in 5 minute intervals and help soothe the baby by shhing and talking - letting them know you're still there, known as the "sleep wave". In the end, we got through 3, five-minute cycles of checks only for me to see him start to projectile vomit all over the place from the video monitor. At that moment I broke down, started bawling and realized he is nowhere near ready. Since then, his sleep has actually regressed more and he's basically been in my bed co-sleeping since that night with tons of guilt on my part. It was rough. In the end, I think he's just too young. He isn't ready. We're not ready. Praying it didn't damage the poor kid.

Has anybody else done any type of sleep training with your LOs (or older kids) and if not, do you plan to? What method do you think you'll try and at what point? I just can't decide if at some point (likely 6+ months of age) it will be more beneficial to have a few rough nights of crying for a long-term rested baby or if we just wait for it to figure itself out.

nolanova85

First, you didn't do any damage to your kid. I get sort of worked up over the fact that sleep training is so controversial, because I feel like good sleep truly is a gift and if we can help our LOs get there, why wouldn't we? Plus, at least in my social network, at least 75% of the moms who swear they'll never be so cruel as to sleep train their baby end up doing so once shit gets real.

Anyway, we followed the steps outlined in "12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks," which was referred to us by another couple in our Bradley class. However, we had a good sleeper to begin with and basically just did this to get him to the final push of 11 hours a night (7pm - 6am is what works for our schedule). It's basically a sort of modified CIO.

What worked for us might not work for you, and it could be that your LO just isn't ready. I think it's great you're involving the pedi in the discussion. But don't give up altogether - maybe revisit in a couple weeks.

Also, I don't know when our LOs are big enough for this, but my friend tried chiropractic adjustments on her little girl when she was definitely still a baby and it worked wonders. She is 2 and a half now and still gets adjusted regularly, as needed for sleep issues.

Williamsmarit

Thanks! Definitely will look up the 12 steps. I was nervous to even say the S word on here since people get so hot and bothered about it. But I agree, a few nights of tears has to be worth it when he's up every hour worked up and restless as it is now. Maybe in a month or 2 he will be ready or at least very very tired?!

diz1313

We totally let our first born cry it out. He was clean and dry, fed, cuddled, got a story and a song and I put him down. The first night was horrible. He screamed bloody murder and I went up after 10 minutes to hold him and calm him back down. When I put him back down after that he went right to sleep. The next night he cried but not hard and not long. After that he just slept when we put him down.

Our first born is now 4 and doesn't seem damaged at all.

Williamsmarit

Do you remember how old he was? I could handle the cries still at the 10 minute mark but the vomit was what made me pull the plug on it

diz1313

I think he was probably about 6 months.... I probably won't try with the girls until they are 6 months also. Though I will let them fuss a bit before I go to them.

skbaum01

We were in a similar situation a few weeks ago. We've been experiencing the 4-month regression for 7 weeks now and after a month of dealing with wake ups every hour and none of the usual tricks working to get him to sleep (nursing, rocking, even bed sharing) we were at our wits' end.

So we decided we'd put him awake in his crib at bedtime and if he cried, we'd go in after 5 mins and then wait 7 mins before going in again and then wait 10 mins. We've been putting him down awake for at least 2.5 weeks now and we've only gotten to 10 mins once.

Even though he wasn't quite 4 months when we started this, it was clear after the first couple nights that he was ready to do this (be placed awake in his crib in his room instead of being placed asleep in his PnP in our bedroom). He sleeps more soundly (less tossing and turning) and seems to know it's sleep time when he's placed in his crib.

Now, things aren't perfect. He still wakes 4-5 times per night, but we're spending less time getting him to sleep each wake up, because he can soothe himself or we quickly give him a paci.

I know it's a controversial method but I feel like I'm helping to create good sleep habits in him.

Williamsmarit

Good to know it's working! When he wakes at night do you let him cry or go pick him up right away?

skbaum01

Well, it depends. If it's been 3-4 hrs since his last meal, I pick him up right away and nurse him. Then put him back in the crib and he falls back asleep quickly usually. If it's in between feedings, I wait about 5 mins to see if he'll get himself back to sleep. If the crying doesn't stop, I go in and give him his pacifier. Now that he's used to how we do things at night, he usually falls back asleep with little trouble.

I know I'm creating a sleep association with a pacifier, but he can't always soothe himself with his hands yet so I want to give him something comforting. It's a work in progress.

I forgot to note before that we put him in Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit and I have safety pinned a small soft frog to the suit so that he can touch it and be soothed by it but it can't move/fall away. Photo attached!

Williamsmarit

So so cute!

Shortstack06

Did you try talking to your pediatrician about it? Maybe there is some discomfort when you lay him down. There could be reflux or other unknown causes. Letting them cry it out at such a young age is cruel.

Williamsmarit

I did speak with our pediatrician about it and she said it's fine to start doing since he's almost 5 months, not eating at night and goes to sleep fine if we nurse him to sleep. Not that this says everything, but they work at the top clinic in the world so I think if it was cruel they wouldn't recommend it to parents every day and see success. I feel bad doing it because who wants to see their baby cry? But I know that it's also cruel to not help him get the sleep he so badly needs. He's up crying every 45 mins to an hour at night as it is right now because he doesn't know how to put himself to sleep. He's constantly tired and fighting sleep. We might not be ready to begin today but from all the research I've done and experts and parents I've spoken to who have well-adjusted children, I definitely don't think it's "cruel". Let's be a little more gentle on each other, eh?

jbird1222

Tonight I did the lay DS down wait 5 min after he starts crying. Go in soothe, wait 10 min after he starts crying, soothed him again and then he didn't make any more noise! I was so pleased, wasn't sure what came after the 10 min mark...luckily I didn't need it!

purplerozes

Ugh. I've been trying to let my LO fuss a bit but then he ends up waking up all the way. I've been bed sharing since birth and now, at 4.5 months, my aching back is telling me to push throw and make him sleep in his rnp. It's not going well though.

ohlimpia

Purplerozes^ I've been bed sharing since birth too. At first I would get up with him and move to living room for feedings, but now it's so simple that when he starts to fuss I just lean over and feed. He never wakes up all the way and we both go right back to sleep. I've heard mixed responses to the bed sharing "ooh you're spoiling or ooh you'll regret that etc." but it's honestly comforting for both of us and we both get more sleep. I know I'm going to have to start getting him to sleep in his crib but I don't know which one of us wants that less

griffin_veronica

My little man is 4.5 months. He has been a dreadful sleeper since day one. He had been doing ok in his swaddle but about five weeks ago it was time to take him out of it. His little hands were escaping and wakening him up anyway. Also was starting to roll over. We transitioned into the "SwaddleUp", but we were still rocking to sleep then putting him down. He was waking up anywhere from twice to ten times a night. A couple of weeks ago, I just couldn't put him down without him wakening. After about an hour, and five failed attempts to put him down I thought I am doing myself or him no favours with this carry on. I decided there and then I was putting him down awake and just see how it goes....after 15 mins of giving out....not proper crying....he was asleep!!! I was shocked it happened so easily. Every night since it's taking no more than five min for him to fall asleep. He still gets up to feed once a night and can wake up a few times during the night but he always gets himself back to sleep in a few mins. There was no sleep training as such....he was just ready. Need to work on naps now....still in our arms for those!!!! Don't think they'll be do easy!

tmfeller

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision! A baby being sleep deprived for months is far more damaging than crying a few nights could be! I also brought up sleep training in a breastfeeding group I am a part of and I got bashed! People saying I would be neglecting my child etc it just made me feel awful. I joined the sleep training board on what to expect which was super helpful and I am reading health sleep habits, happy child. Our ped told us we could start sleep training at 4 months if we were comfterable but I haven't yet I think mostly because of my fear that I will have the one child that will cry for hours and not sleep! I will eventually though in the coming weeks. I've tried a lot of different techniques and nothing has worked great. I currently rock him to sleep and he wakes up a few times before falling asleep and also wakes up a few times at night. He used to sleep for like 8-10 hours straight at around 3 months so I know he's not always waking up to eat. Our ped told me he used cry it out with his kids and I trust our ped. You know what's best for your child and every baby is different. Some babies sleep well so people don't realize how bad sleeping can be. I always hear put him down sleepy but awake...yeah if I could do that I wouldn't need to sleep train! Hang in there mama there are lots of people who support your decision and you are NOT a bad or cruel mom for having your baby cry it out! I have heard that babies can vomit during sleep training and it's okay! Good luck!

Williamsmarit

Oh my gosh, you seriously sound like you have the same kid as me! Our's does the same too. He was also sleeping about 11 hours until right at 4 months. We put him down at a reasonable bed time (730-8) and he will wake up usually 2-3 times before actually staying down. Last night he was up every 65 minutes, on the dot! We just put him in Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit because i kept waking up to his swaddle being half-off which worried me. I think some version of sleep training is in his very near future. I agree though, some babies maybe don't need it if they are only up once or twice a night but 6-10 times a night now does not seem healthy for anyone involved! I have been taking him into bed with us around 4 or 5 a.m. out of desperation but I don't feel totally comfortable with him being in our bed this young. Nothing against co-sleeping, I'm just a worrier and can't sleep because I'm worried I'll suffocate him or something crazy. Keep me posted if you end up doing it, would love to hear how it goes. I'll keep this board updated too once I decide to take the leap.