Intimacy after loss — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Intimacy after loss

My husband and I lost our son, ryan at 25 weeks on dec 23, 2014. We've recently got cleared to ttc again in March. After your loss, did you find it more difficult to be intimate with your partner? I love my husband to death, but sometimes I just feel sad and upset once we start to become intimate, which is very different from the way it was in the past.

Re: Intimacy after loss

  • I'm sorry for your loss. After each of my two miscarriages I found it hard to be intimate also. I love my husband but it was hard for me to enjoy sex because I related it to loss/sadness. I was able to get past it in a month or two though. Thankfully my love was supportive & understanding. I hope you are able to enjoy it soon! ;)
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. The first time we were intimate after finding out we misscarried I cried. I think it was just from keeping everything bottled up inside for a couple days. It was the only time it happened. Once again so sorry for your loss.
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  • I cried too. And, I cried after each loss the first time we were intimate again. I think it is a completely normal reaction. I can tell you that for us, and most ladies I've spoke with about this, it gets better, and usually swiftly too. What you will have to watch out for is that being intimate can easily become all about TTC again, and that can wreak havoc on your marriage and intimacy. Be sure that you aren't laying in wait like a predator when you are ovulating and your partner walks in the door, and also be sure that you encourage intimacy outside of the fertile window. One of the most universal things to get badly messed up with most couples after a loss, is the healthy sex life they had before the first loss.

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

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    MikErica
  • Thanks so much for your feedback. It's definitely something we will have to work on, especially on my end. It's so hard to deal with all the changes...I think I am also a scared to get pregnant again too in fear that we will lose another baby. You are absolutely right though, I need to be more careful on not just being intimate with my hubby only during ovulation time... I hope things get back to normal soon.
    MrsGargoyle
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