venting.

MochaMutt392052

Everyone around me is either pregnant or getting pregnant. And I can't seem to get pregnant. We are having issues conceiving and people that don't want children are having them. And my little sister just told me she was pregnant. I'm happy for her and frustrated with myself. I feel like I don't work or something is wrong with me. Sorry for the vent. Just needed it.

ValhallanFury

I know exactly where you are coming from. Everyone I know either has kids or is pregnant, and I just feel broken.

MochaMutt392052

Exactly. How do you keep your spirits up after trying and trying and still no results. And then being happy for that person. Takes a toll after a bit. I just see everyone starting families or adding to them and its just like I want my happy family too. Ive wanted to be a mom for years and now when I finally try I can't. Hopefully my Dr can tell me something Friday. Oh and the biggest kicker of all. She has an appointment tomorrow to get her birth control renewed. Guess she doesn't need that anymore.

CKneeb

DH and I have been trying for 14 months now. In that time twin sister has accidentally fallen pregnant and it hurts me so bad. But I have to put on a brave face and smile when she randomly tells me out of her own excitement "i have a baby in my belly!" It really sucks! Sister in law also pregnant.

MochaMutt392052

Ouch. Yeah plaster a smile. I am happy for them. Just jealous and that makes angry at myself.

cards10

KristenGaba said:

Ouch. Yeah plaster a smile. I am happy for them. Just jealous and that makes angry at myself.

I can totally relate. It's completely normal to feel this way. I just put on my happy face and then vent to some friends who know what I'm going through, exactly what you're doing now best wishes to you all in the future for conceiving!

TheBorg7of9

KristenGaba said:

Everyone around me is either pregnant or getting pregnant. And I can't seem to get pregnant. We are having issues conceiving and people that don't want children are having them. And my little sister just told me she was pregnant. I'm happy for her and frustrated with myself. I feel like I don't work or something is wrong with me. Sorry for the vent. Just needed it.

How long have you been trying?
You might want to change your screen name if it's your real name.

rockinmathchic

It is hard and a lot of women are struggling or have struggled in the past.  Just know that you are not alone and it may not seem like it now, but your day will come when you are announcing that you are pregnant.

Hang in there and good luck!

ValhallanFury

As far as keeping spirits up goes, it depends on who gets pregnant. If it's one of my friends or family who has been wanting children or who I know will be or already is a great mother, being happy for them comes naturally and the fact that they could get pregnant after trying gives me hope that maybe I can too. However, when it's someone who didn't want the baby, or already has kids and doesn't take care of them it makes me so mad I can't see straight and I honestly have to walk away. For me people complaining about being pregnant is harder to take than a good woman finally getting her wish granted. Sometimes it's all I can do not to get in their face and scream "how DARE you complain about this gift you've been given that others would give anything for".
When it's all too much I deal by crying on DH shoulder...sometimes literally. We've been at this for over a year now and luckily he understands just how hard this is on me and is there for me to cry on or scream to everytime I get another BFN or AF shows. He even throws a mini fit with me every time someone else shows up pregnant or I disagree with my dr. I think most of it is fake and for my benifits but still, it helps.

PrimRoseMama

It can be frustrating but it's useful to remember that there is not an finite* number of babies to be had. The couple with a surprise pregnancy isn't necessarily something to be envied or jealous of.

When you are engaged everyone is getting married.

When you are TTC "everyone" is pregnant.

When you are pg then everyone else has a newborn.

You just notice it because it's something you want very badly & you don't have it. Hang in there.

PrimRoseMama

@ValhallanFury : "Sometimes it's all I can do not to get in their face and scream "how DARE you complain about this gift you've been given that others would give anything for". "

I know you are just venting but this isn't necessarily fair to anyone having a rough pregnancy. It really can be incredibly difficult & you feel like absolute shit. It's not that you aren't happy & grateful. It's that, at that time, it's the challenge you are working through. It's unreasonable to expect a pg woman to be blissful & complaint-free for 40 weeks.

That would be like a woman (like me) that has never had trouble getting pregnant saying, "omg just have fun & relax with TTC sex! It's X months of as much sex as you want! Gosh, you get to sleep in, eat warm food & feel rested! Why can't you be thankful?!"

To be clear, I don't say this to couples at any stage of TTC, but if you do it to a pg woman it's just as insensitive.

sunnybaby2015

I know the feeling. Soon after I got pregnant i miscarried, I felt like something was wrong with my insides. I am keeping the faith. But just a tip, my OB told me to have sex every other day, this actually helps. It worked for me and I am hoping that it works again soon. Keep strong and Baby dust to everyone. I am hoping to have a nice Christmas Baby Bump.

janeyintrouble

sunnybaby2015 said:

I know the feeling. Soon after I got pregnant i miscarried, I felt like something was wrong with my insides. I am keeping the faith. But just a tip, my OB told me to have sex every other day, this actually helps. It worked for me and I am hoping that it works again soon. Keep strong and Baby dust to everyone. I am hoping to have a nice Christmas Baby Bump.

We ask that posters not use the term "baby dust" on this forum. It's considered insensitive to those who have lost a child and chosen cremation.

ValhallanFury

@PrimRoseMama people having issues with their pregnancy and complaining doesn't bother me at all. It is a hard time for a lot of people, especially when they are having problems. What does bother me is when people complain about having gotten pregnant in the first place as if they just woke up pregnant one day and did nothing to cause it, and having a baby is the worst thing that could ever happen to them. Which I know is wrong b/c some people just aren't ready for children, and I agree that I am probably so angry about it when it happens strictly because the thing happening to them that they think is a punishment for them being stupid is something I want so badly but can't manage to have.

rain0831boww

I have felt all those things. The 7th will be one year that I delivered our baby girl at 21 weeks. What I went through, no one close to me could ever comprehend. My husband and I have been trying ttc ever since while ALL of my closest friends who all complained and weren't even trying got pregnant and had healthy pregnancies. WHY NOT ME? It's easy to feel jealous, angry or sad. I've been distant ever since my second MC in February and I found out i am pregnant again (don't want to sound insensitive by mentioning that) but i am so scared. I constantly see friends on fb posting photos of outfits and mentioning their baby as if they know everything will be all right at the end. I'm so jealous of THAT. I wish it can be that way for me. After months of trying and a second MC? How can I not expect the same for my third? 

Hang in there. 

MochaMutt392052

Thank you everyone. Yeah I finally had a break down today on DH shoulder. He was very understanding. And I love my sister and am happy for them my mother is happy to. Its just hard to get over the broken feeling. Hopefully my dream will come true soon. Hope everyone else has the best of luck with what they want.

Megz1914

I know how you feel too!! I have been going through the same thing but its with my cousin...she is due in June and when she announced it it just tore me apart especially when I heard  her and her husband were not even trying.  The thing that has been helping me cope with everything is just having a mini break down once a month when i am by myself...usually in my car before i leave to come home from work.  And then just keep trying...hope this little piece of advice works!!

MochaMutt392052

Exactly what I'm doing. Hope everything goes well with you.

PugsandKisses

Humor and wine. I have cried too.

4N6s

hang in there.

nbouthillette

I know how it feels! Everyone around me is getting pregnant and it makes me sad! My husband and I have been trying for a year and a half. I just found out that I have PCOS. So now I'm in the early stages of fertility treatments! So I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Hope everything goes well for you!

sunnybaby2015

My apologies on the comment I made. I was unaware. I will refrain from saying anything that may appear offensive. 

Yellowismellow13

It does suck, but think about all the good things. Your husband let you cry on his shoulder. A lot of husbands out there are not that sweet or caring. You have to stop comparing yourself to others, chances are there lives aren't as picture perfect as you think. Be happy for what you have, your baby will come when they are ready.

MochaMutt392052

Thank you.

PrimRoseMama

sunnybaby2015 said:

My apologies on the comment I made. I was unaware. I will refrain from saying anything that may appear offensive. 

Thank you. Thanks for bringing the big girl panties! =D>

VesperLove

I was thinking the same thing @PrimRoseMama ... finally someone accepting and moving on with no drama llama. Happy Wednesday!

angelicscars

I know exactly how you are feeling. My husband said "we always do things the hard way" after my appointment with my fertility doctor, but I just feel broken.

mrsespigreen

My sister recently got pregnant and terminated it. I'm all pro choice and fully support her on this but I still had a break down with the DH about how unfair it is that while we wanting a baby and haven't gotten pregnant yet but my sis gotten knocked up the one time she didn't used protection. My mom even joked about us keeping her baby.No one really found that funny

I just have to keep reminding myself that one day, either by nature/intrvention/adoption we will have a child to care for.

concreteayngel

I feel ya, OP. I've had to unfollow several friends and acquaintances on social media because it just bothers me too much to see the weekly "look at my bump" pics, the baby showers, the ultrasound pics, etc etc. I even completely unfriended one asshole today because she "April Fooled" a pregnancy announcement. I called her out on it, because she was dumb about it. She proclaimed she was 3 weeks along, which,as we all know, is pretty hard to believe when the moment you turn a test, you're at least 4 weeks pregnant. I understand that people who have never TTC really have no idea how insensitive that is, but IMO, it's just not funny. 

sunflower071913

I feel the same way. It doesn't seem fair and its hard to watch sometimes. a specially when they talk about not wanting to be pregnant or regreting getting pregnant or they say they dont know why anyone would ever want to be pregnant. My mom told me that she hoped I didn't get pregnant so my husband and I would have more time together.. I knew what she meant but it still hurt. I have so many friends that are pregnant or just had a baby its hard to even go on facebook sometimes. I cry almost every month because we're trying so hard and praying, clinging on to hope that this might be the month we find out and its just hard on anyone that has been through it and no one understands unless they have been through it.

MochaMutt392052

I put on Facebook for people not to post things like that for April fools day because it is hurtful for people who have lost. Or having trouble having. I didn't see any.which was great.

VesperLove

@KristenGaba, on the opposite end of the spectrum I have a friend who posted that she was preggo because she actually was and then realized April 1st wasn't the best day to announce it because everyone thought she was kidding

MochaMutt392052

I feel for her. Her shine was kinda taken away.

DaphneMoon1

mrsespigreen said:

My sister recently got pregnant and terminated it. I'm all pro choice and fully support her on this but I still had a break down with the DH about how unfair it is that while we wanting a baby and haven't gotten pregnant yet but my sis gotten knocked up the one time she didn't used protection. My mom even joked about us keeping her baby.No one really found that funny

I just have to keep reminding myself that one day, either by nature/intrvention/adoption we will have a child to care for.

Aww man, that is a rough spot. I'm sure that made you have all sorts of crazy emotions. I can't imagine the frustration! Hang in there. Big internet hugs!

AKJPurple

This post amused me, just because my husband & I are in our first month TTC, and now EVERYONE is pregnant all of a sudden...Everywhere I look hahahahah...So I'm in the same boat as you lol

CharlestonJ

Virtual hugs. We just started TTC and I have found pregnant or newborn photos posted everywhere between my friends. It just makes me want to have a baby that much more. I have friends who have been TTC for years and I hear the pain in their voices when they find out another coupe is expecting. 

sunnybaby2015

Hi all, just an update. I know this is the forum for venting. For those who aren't aware, I suffered a miscarriage in March 2015. It was difficult and as a coping mechanism i got a tattoo to remember my baby because I couldn't find the strength to move on or forward.  Idesigne 

Carazona5

I'm sorry . I haven't been trying for long but that's only because I didn't have a husband to have a baby with until now, but I've always wanted it. So I know the frustration you're talking about with other people. It's also frustrating that we're completely willing and open to adopting instead but you have to be married for 2 years. We only have been for not even one but we're older and would like kids soon because of that. If we could just have our own easily, there are no rules like that. But I feel punished because it's not seeming easy for us to get pregnant but we're willing to adopt yet we have to wait.

maryfari

I know what you mean. And we all understand. Just have faith in God's timing. I know it's easier said than done. I have my days when I cry like crazy out of frustration, anger or worry. Something seems to always come up. But hey, you know what helps me through? I tell myself God is writing this story, well He writes everybody's stories but the ones with the happy endings are where there was some sadness or struggle or pain. So babe, He's got you right under His Eyes. Stay strong. We are special to Him. Baby dust to you!!

sunnybaby2015

Hi Maryfari,

Your words were quite soothing especially the part about God is writing this story, it touched me in a positive way. However, I was informed that in this forum we do not use the term "baby dust" because it is sensitive to some mothers. So just a little info for future posts. 

PrimRoseMama

I'm very sorry @sunnybaby2015 .