October 2015 Moms
Options

intro!!! And complicated announcement problem

I'm so excited to make this intro. My name is Andrea and I am just over 12 weeks. I've known I was pregnant very early but I have been so nervous that I was making it up or something. This is my first pregnancy and my husband and I are so excited! I've been reading so many posts on here and now I'm finally glad I feel comfortable enough to join you wonderful ladies!

I do have a bit of a problem with announcing this pregnancy. I have told most of my family and they are all so excited. However I have a teen cousin (who is like a like a little sister to me) who in the last year had an abortion. She has always said she made the choice but we have all speculated that her horrible boyfriend really pushed her to have it. Since then she has been in such a terrible state of mind. She has been really depressed and acting out. On her "due date" she was hospilized after taking a bunch of medication. She really regrets the abortion and it's really been killing her inside.

I just don't know how to tell her. I've had a loss before this pregnancy and know how difficult it is to see someone else pregnant. Part of me doesn't want to tell her at all but I won't be able to hide it forever, especially since our families are so close.

Any suggestions on how to handle this tough situation?

Re: intro!!! And complicated announcement problem

  • Options
    Maybe it will actually help her If you incorporate her in some planning and let her know how important she is to you and your new little one. I hope she is able to forgive herself, that's really a difficult thing to overcome. Congratulations to you!
  • Options
    Perhaps tell her in an e-mail so she can process the info privately at first.
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    I would tell her one on one,and just try to be sensitive about it. If you just leave her out it may make her situation worse and it's not like you can hide it from her forever. Just remember that no matter what, this is your happy news and is not about making someone else hurt.
  • Options
    All very good advice. I think I will try email so she can process the announcement on her own. The last thing I ever want to do is make things worse for her!
  • Options
    Poor baby! No girl should ever have to go through that kind of anguish. I'm glad she has a loving and supportive family. Unfortunately, I don't know if there is a clean cut answer to this very complicated emotional issue. You're not wrong to worry that hearing about your pregnancy may worsen her guilt and sorrow, but at the same time you can't hide it from her forever. I agree with the previous poster who suggested a private conversation, but telling her in person and not by email may be a better option. It's possible that being part of your pregnancy may be healing for her, but at the same time she sounds so emotionally raw that it may be too much for her to be too involved. Has she sought counseling? There are grief support groups for women (and men) who regret past abortions. Rachel's Vineyard is one that I'm aware of, but if she's not Christian she may not go for it (I don't think you have to be Christian to attend, but it is a Christian ministry, which upsets some people if they're not religious). Ultimately, you'll just have to be supportive, give her space, and let her tell you what she needs. I'll be praying for both of you in the meantime.
  • Options
    Totally agree about telling her in person. If you have any type of close relationship with her,an email may come across as insensitive and impersonal. Whatever you chose I hope that it goes well for you both!
  • Options
    That's sad.  Hopefully she realizes one day she can have a family when the time is right with a man who loves and supports her.  I think she will surprise you and be happy for you.  Take her to lunch and tell her in person saying you know how much she has been going through.
    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie.com/TikiPic.php/ZX0jQgE.jpg" width="80" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie - Personal picture" /><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie.com/ZX0jm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers" /></a>
  • Options
    I would say telling her in person would be better than an email, i only say this because if she sees that your relationship is close as well she may not like the email part of it as much. I would take her to lunch or something and tell her in private that day. either way she will have to process it but if you show that you understand she is in pain but you want to include her and help her through it she might have an easier time. Of course i can not say this for a guarantee as i do not know her or what type of personality she has this is just how i would see things i guess. Congratulations on your baby and i hope she can forgive herself and find peace soon.
  • Options
    Thanks for all the advice. It really is such a horrible situation I would never wish on my worst enemy. She has been going to counseling but she's still so broken up about it.
    I made plans to see her next week and will tell her privately. I'm just going to tell her that we never have to talk about my pregnancy again if she doesn't want to or can be as involved as she wants to be...I just don't want her to feel obligated to be involved in any way if she doesn't wNt to be and I will still love her regardless.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"