Thoughts on forcing kids to do something they don't want to do

skibunny59

Hi Ladies,
Just wanted to get your thoughts on this.  DD (age 3) is telling me that she does not want to do swimming lessons this year because she is afraid of jumping in the water and getting her face wet.   Last year when she was a little over 2 years old I enrolled her in a mommy and me at a different swim school and the class was excellent.  I felt even though it was mommy and me, it was very structured and the goal was to actually teach your child to swim and not just hold them and get them comfortable in the water.  She really did well and had so much confidence swimming.  There were times when she cried because she didn't want to jump in the pool (they had the kids jump in holding their kick boards) or float on her back or whatever but overall she enjoyed it and really gained a lot of confidence in the water.

Anyway, this year she keeps telling me no swim lessons because she doesn't want to jump in and get her face wet.  They don't dunk the kids under at this swim school but they do make them jump in and sometimes her head would go under the water for a second and she hated that.  She would scream.  Usually I don't force her to do anything she's not comfortable with but I think learning to swim is super important.  We don't have a pool but we have a beach house and are at the beach a lot and I want her to be a strong swimmer.  We are also at my mom's pool a lot.  I myself am not a strong swimmer (I can basically doggy paddle. that's it) and I won't go in the ocean unless it's low tide and I can touch the bottom.  Not doing swim lessons is not an option but I was thinking of maybe trying another swim school in the area.  I thought the classes at the old swim school were excellent but the teachers were very strict with the kids and didn't let the kids get away with not doing something because they were afraid or felt uncomfortable.  I don't know how the teachers are at this other swim school.  I'm just thinking that she already has this negative thing in her head about the old place and maybe trying the new place would be like a clean slate.

BabyHope2013

I think swimming is so important. I told my husband before DS was even born that I would never force him to do anything--except for swim lessons. He doesn't need to be a Michael Phelps, but he does need to know how to swim and do it reasonably well in case he ever needed to do it to save his own life. 

That being said, my parents never forced me to take swim classes until I was about 9 or 10. I was absolutely terrified of jumping of the diving board or going under water. Till this day, I am not a champion by any means, but at least I can swim ok. If the teachers at the school where you were, were not willing to work with your child to help them feel comfortable, then I would find somewhere else to take lessons at. I remember my instructor working with me little by little, even walking me to the end of the diving board and handing me over to another swim instructor in the water. Handing over turned into dropping me in and that turned into me walking off the end of the diving board. The whole time they never let my head go under water until I was ready to go under a little bit with them still holding onto me. I only tell you this story, because I think that otherwise I would have remained terrified of the water had I not have understanding people to help me. 

Perhaps if you can't find teachers like this, maybe spending more time in the pool for fun with just you a your husband/significant other or something to get her familiar and comfortable with the water might help. I think that with kids as young as your daughter she can't be felt like she is being forced into it, but make it fun and something she wants to do too. 

CarrieB.

I'm struggling with this too. I took DD1 to a mommy and me swim class last summer when she just turned 3 and she hated it. This year she'll be 4 and they have to go I the water alone. I asked her if she wanted to do swim and she said no. I'm thinking that maybe I would just skip a summer and wait until next year when she's older and has less memories of her last round of swim lessons. I also feel that swim lessons are important, but I don't want to deal with a kid who really doesn't want to do something.

VOR

I would check into other schools/ gyms in the area (many gyms offer classes to non-members).  WHile I think learning to swim is super important, I don't see how forcing a kid to jump in really helps in this regard, TBH.  You need to work with the children and if some have a certain fear, FORCING them to do it isn't going to make the fear go away.  It may actually make it worse.

So - yes, I'd try to find a school where perhaps the approach is gentler.

lopezalonso

I agree with PPs. I think swimming is important but I also think gmaybe a gentler approach will help ease her in. Regardless of the school you pick though, she is going to not want to go at first and may not like it all. If it's important to you, take her anyway and offer her a reward for the completion of every class (I.e., go out for ice cream, take a walk through the toy store, play a game). Let her even help you pick the reward if she wants! It's hard finding a balance between respecting her individuality and making her do things you think are important. If it's important, I say do it and she will be thankful for it in the future and can have little things to look forward to after every class.

thegingeravenger

Hey, swim instructor here! I can tell you from experience every kiddo is different. For her age, not want to submerge her face (or get water in her ears) is completely normal. You could try getting her a pair of goggles that she picks out, or it could just take a session to bring that confidence back, or maybe she'll give in to peer pressure when all the other kids jump in. Ultimately, the goal should be for her to have fun every class. If she's having fun, she'll learn easily

Good luck!

2-Step

See if you can get her a few one on one lessons with an instructor. They are more money but not outrageous. Have them do it during the other lessons in their own area and work her up to getting to join her friends in the "big kid" class once she can jump in like a big girl. I think it's good motivation but lets her control it at her own pace so she doesn't get a phobia. They did this with a little girl in Ds class and she went from screaming bloody murder to fully participating in a couple weeks. She might only need a couple one on ones before she's ready.

QTee

I can relate. My son who just turned four hates the water. My older daughter is a fish. I decided originally not to force the swim lesson issue until a few weeks ago we were at the pool and as usual he refused to get in. He was wandering around playing, and because he so scared of the water I wasn't keeping a close eye on him, as I assumed he would not get close enough the to fall in. Well guess what he did, head first into the deep end. I friend screamed and luckily I was not too far away and got him out of the pool within seconds. Needless to say I am dragging him to weekly swim lessons against his will. I told him he can stop when he can get out of the pool by himself!!!!

marijaa333

Jumping and swimming are two different things. I would advise finding a class where she can get in at her own pace, using the ladder or a shallow end. I would definitely *not* force her to jump in until she feels like it. 

Also, I would explore whether there is something else about the class that bothers her.

jillms413

My now 5 year old had a similar reaction to swim lessons at 3 years old.  She loved it up to that point but at 3, she was really scared out of nowhere.  At that point, I stopped the actual lessons and focused more on getting comfortable in the water.  So we joined a swim club which she absolutely loved.  She started swim lessons again at 4 when she was more comfortable.  I agree with the previous posters that forcing it will not help and could actually have the reverse effect and make it worse.  

VexyMommy

You could also try taking her to the pool one on one and having bubble blowing contests where you both put your faces a little bit under water and blow bubbles.  Then you could try peek a boo type games where you put your head under water and pop up then let it be her turn.  You could also try the bubble blowing or goggles in the bathtub at home.